Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What the fuck Wednesday: What the fuck do I want?

I want to start this by saying that I absolutely love your comments and appreciate every single one of them. I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple months strictly by writing these posts and interacting with all of you.

I'm going to take a page from my friend Kelly over at My Joy Project. She was dating and wasn't getting a whole lot of success. Then she sat down and wrote out what she wanted from a significant other and not only that but what she was willing to give them as well. I think my lack of ability to actually decide whether I wanted to date the hippie again. (she is the furthest thing from a hippie but whatever, the name is stuck)

So without further delay.

What I want from a woman.
  • intelligence, I think this is by far the most important thing. 
  • knowledge, this is something that came up on the date. I don't want to have to explain everything. In fact I'd like to learn from her. 
  • to be attracted to her. This is pretty self explanatory. 
  • her to be passionate, about anything. 
  • her to have life goals, generally just progressing throw life
  • a sense of humor
  • love
  • trust
  • respect
  • all the usual stuff that comes from a healthy relationship
  • her to not want children
I'm going to take a minute and explain that last one. Apparently I'm getting to the age where the women I'm going to be dating want babies. They want the house, the picket fence and babies. 10 thousand babies. I didn't think wanting to squeeze something the size of a small watermelon out of the vagina was such a popular thing. I like vaginae (weird plural form) and I think that putting a watermelon sized object through them is a terrible idea. 

That is just the beginning of it. Then the watermelon decides that for the next 2 years of it's life it is going to eat and shit and eat and shit and cry. It is completely helpless, incurs massive amount of stress on the parents, lessening their lives by about 10 years. It is an actual statistic. People without children also retire on average 5-10 years earlier as well. That means you're retirement is actually 20 years longer than those with children. Weird that those kids stay around for roughly 20 years isn't it. 

There a multiple reasons that I don't want children. The first and foremost being, that I would actually have to be that parent in Red Lobster that is whisper-yelling at my child that it is inappropriate to take all the lobsters out of the tank and put them in women's purses while they are waiting for tables. Let's be honest here, if my 
kid were to inherit any personality traits from me, I would die of a heart attack by the time the kid turned 5. 

Some people say that not wanting to have children is selfish. I disagree. The world is a shitty place these days and bringing a child into it is probably a little sadistic. Me not wanting to expose a life to the world that is going down the crap shoot  is selfless. 

Now for what I want to give a woman. 
  • devotion
  • orgasms
  • companionship
  • laughter
  • friendship
  • more orgasms
  • support
  • fun
  • adventure
  • love
  • respect
  • trust
I'm sure there is more to the list than that but I'm writing this quickly because I have lots of work to do. 

I don't think that I can be with someone without being able to give them what I want to give them and have them have the qualities that I am looking for. 

I guess after making this list that the hippie chick doesn't meet the requirements. On a more positive note. Vino asked me out for drinks on Thursday, AKA tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on that development.

Later Days,


  1. So, are all these deal breakers? Or are some of them "nice to haves"?

    And, again, I could have written this post... damn it... *eyes you suspiciously*

  2. I think knowing what you want is good. Knowing what you have to offer is great, seriously.

    I have to say that as a mother of two kids who exited my uterus via my vag, the 2nd one in a particularly high speed delivery, it really, truly is meant to happen that way, physically. I've had zero lasting physical effects from childbirth. But I really think that's the least of your worries, isn't it?
    I totally agree, birthing and raising kids isn't for everyone. I hope you find a woman who won't pull a bait & switch, and that will be difficult. Some women will ignore that urge (and it is a true biological thing that can't be suppressed forever in many if not most women) but then succumb to it, and it's too late, she's already married to a dude who doesn't want kids, ever.
    But, like I told Maxwell the other day, now our kids are old enough to bring us the remote and food from the fridge, and to put their own laundry away. Parenting does have perks.

  3. That's a great list Hero, I especially love the point about the Woman For You having passion about something, I think that's great. I'm super happy you found it helpful to write all that out - I know I sure did!

    I agree with Maresi that finding a gal who is SURE she doesn't want to have kids is potentially a tricky one, however I know they exist. Your clarity from the start will certainly help weed out the gals with whining uteruses.

    Can't wait to hear more about this!! And thanks so much for the shout out :)


  4. I think your list is rad. Knowing what you want and making sure your partner is on same page is smart. Not everyone wants to have kids and there is no shame in that!
    Love your blog by the way.

  5. I was so happy (fucking elated?) to have found a man that didn't want kids. I feel the same way you do on the matter. Also, way to go with the giving of orgasms on your list. You're a fine man.

  6. Damn... Maxwell beat me with the 'deal breakers' question! Seriously, shorten your list to what is absolutely essential and what you'll trade on. It will help.

    There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, whatever your reasons, selfish or not, but as many women do, be up front about it when it comes up.

  7. This should be your profile. I mean, honesty is the best policy, right?

    Sounds like your ideal girl is my current gf. You can't have her. Go away. =P

  8. <----27 yr old female who doesn't and can not have children. We do exist so don't lose hope. Especially now that you know exactly what you want.

  9. I was waiting for biology to tell me to have kids. It never did. Hubs got bait-n-switched by his practice wife after a long time together. He didn't believe me that I didn't want kids until I told him to get a vasectomy. It's a good list. Nothing too superficial. It may be hard to find her, but it's worth waiting for. I've just about decided to adopt you as my little brother, btw. Proud of you, little brother.

  10. Damn just when I thought you were the ONE for me! Sorry my lovely but I want a watermelon popping ouy of my vag!

    That is a great idea doing a list. I once wrote out a list like this and put it in a safe place - you are meant to send it out to the universe and the man of your dreams will be sent to you! Hasn't worked yet or the Royal Mail is playing up again!

  11. figuring out what you want and what you want to give is huge!! I'm proud of you for the amount of time and work that you have put into deciding what is really important and what you want to be able to provide. That's quality. I don't care what anyone says about you....

  12. Great post, I love the fact that you also wrote what you are willing to give. I know what you mean about all women wanting children; I don't want to have children but it seems to be the main interest in women over 25. I'm 24 now but almost every woman that I know wants to get married, is already married and is expecting a child, or will get married and hopes to have a thousand babies.
    However, like others before me have said, it can be difficult to find a woman who is absolutely sure that she doesn't want to have babies, perhaps she will freak out one day and decide to stop taking the pill or put a hole in your condom.
    I also don't agree with the fact that all women will feel this urge to have babies, I think that's just a myth.
    PS: i deleted my previous comment because it had some mistakes

  13. I like this post a lot. And bonus points for you wanting to give orgasms AND more orgasms. That's awesome!


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