I'm going to take a page from my friend Kelly over at My Joy Project. She was dating and wasn't getting a whole lot of success. Then she sat down and wrote out what she wanted from a significant other and not only that but what she was willing to give them as well. I think my lack of ability to actually decide whether I wanted to date the hippie again. (she is the furthest thing from a hippie but whatever, the name is stuck)
So without further delay.
What I want from a woman.
- intelligence, I think this is by far the most important thing.
- knowledge, this is something that came up on the date. I don't want to have to explain everything. In fact I'd like to learn from her.
- to be attracted to her. This is pretty self explanatory.
- her to be passionate, about anything.
- her to have life goals, generally just progressing throw life
- a sense of humor
- all the usual stuff that comes from a healthy relationship
- her to not want children
I'm going to take a minute and explain that last one. Apparently I'm getting to the age where the women I'm going to be dating want babies. They want the house, the picket fence and babies. 10 thousand babies. I didn't think wanting to squeeze something the size of a small watermelon out of the vagina was such a popular thing. I like vaginae (weird plural form) and I think that putting a watermelon sized object through them is a terrible idea.
That is just the beginning of it. Then the watermelon decides that for the next 2 years of it's life it is going to eat and shit and eat and shit and cry. It is completely helpless, incurs massive amount of stress on the parents, lessening their lives by about 10 years. It is an actual statistic. People without children also retire on average 5-10 years earlier as well. That means you're retirement is actually 20 years longer than those with children. Weird that those kids stay around for roughly 20 years isn't it.
There a multiple reasons that I don't want children. The first and foremost being, that I would actually have to be that parent in Red Lobster that is whisper-yelling at my child that it is inappropriate to take all the lobsters out of the tank and put them in women's purses while they are waiting for tables. Let's be honest here, if my
kid were to inherit any personality traits from me, I would die of a heart attack by the time the kid turned 5.
Some people say that not wanting to have children is selfish. I disagree. The world is a shitty place these days and bringing a child into it is probably a little sadistic. Me not wanting to expose a life to the world that is going down the crap shoot is selfless.
Now for what I want to give a woman.
- more orgasms
I'm sure there is more to the list than that but I'm writing this quickly because I have lots of work to do.
I don't think that I can be with someone without being able to give them what I want to give them and have them have the qualities that I am looking for.
I guess after making this list that the hippie chick doesn't meet the requirements. On a more positive note. Vino asked me out for drinks on Thursday, AKA tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on that development.