Monday, October 31, 2011

Hungover Monday: Halloween

I'm bringing back the Hungover Monday title just for today. If you have to ask why, you're not thinking.

So this weekend I wasn't planning on doing anything. I didn't buy into the big pub crawls that happen every year and from my own experience are a riot, but they cost a fortune. Instead this weekend I didn't really plan on doing anything. It worked out better than expected.

First off, Friday took way too long for me to get a beer. I picked Junior up from his job site on my way home from work. He wasn't finished so I ended up standing around waiting for 45 minutes while he finished up. Then the drive home, (fucking traffic) then a whole bunch of other running around and hurry up and wait type bullshit. I eventually got my first beer at 830. It was glorious.

This was just the beginning. We drank and played Dance Central on the Xbox Kinect. I don't know if anyone has played it but it was not meant for 4 single guys to drink and play. The suggestive moves that you have to do when dancing to Lady Gaga our really terrible and make for a whole hell of a lot of laughs.

We were playing at Token's place and his now ex girlfriend was being a whiny little bitch like she is and we had to leave at 11. We went back to Juniors and grabbed more beer which we then finished off very fast playing beeramid. If you've never played you've never properly got smashed. We ran out of beer relatively fast. Me and Token leave to go to a bar.

The first bar we went to "everyone" was dressed up in costume. We weren't, so we felt a little out of place. So we went to a pub.

While we were at the pub I got into a real fight with some guy who kinda sucked at fighting. He pushed me into the wall and threw 6 punches all of which were easily blocked and then he ran away. I sat back down and drank my beer. Apologized to the bouncers and continued my night.

However, my mini little adventure with the random shitty boxer inspired one of the girls sitting next to us, who happened to be dressed up as a boxer, that beating me up would be a great idea.

That is how we met the boxer, Hamburgler and some other girl dressed as something obscure that I didn't care about.

The beer was really starting to hit me fast at this point. I got to know the hamburgler. She was this cute red head. I have a thing for red heads I don't know why, but I like it and don't ever want to change. She was cool and a whole lot of fun.

As I'm getting more and more intoxicated (by the fucking second) I begin to realized that the girls are interested but there are three of them and only two of us. Que Mother Hen. Needless to say one boxer girl cock blocking us eventually pissed us off and we ditched them and went and got falafel. I love Falafel. I did get the hamburgler's number. Sorta anyway. I was drunk, my phone was dead and my pen to paper writing is rather terrible so the numbers I have written down could exist in some obscure system of mathmatics but if I really wanted to I could figure it out and call her. But from my fuzzy memory of how the night ended I don't think it would go over well. I think I swore a whole bunch and eventually told off the mother hen. Meh it was a fun evening anyway.

I awoke on Saturday and remembered that Token had invited me to go to a Halloween house party. I needed a costume. I ended up going as a cop.

Oh yea, the mustache is real!
(and oh so terrible)
The party was a riot. It is a small world because the host was somebody I went to high school with.

I met a girl that was dressed as this.

Doctor Girlfriend

She was a whole lot of fun and we eventually got to a good ratio of talking and kissing.

She was a little awkward about it in the morning because she was rather drunk and doesn't normally go around kissing strangers. I assured her that there was no worries and that drunken make out sessions are just that, but I'd still like to actually take her out and get to know her properly and all that jazz. She said that sounds like a good idea.

Sunday I wasn't as hung over as I thought I'd be but today. I'm tired, so very tired.

Anyway I'll keep you posted as to how the events unfold with the good Doctor.

Later Days,

PS. Vino never phoned like she said she was going to, but I predicted as much.

Friday, October 28, 2011

For Fuck's Sake Friday: A love letter

Wanna know something? I feel smug but I'm not happy about it.

I rarely ever post about my doubts and quandaries but I'm going to tell you one that I had a while ago.

It was about Vino.

This may be the reason that nothing has worked out so far, but whatever.

I didn't ever expect it to work out with her. I doubted it from the very beginning. She has a lot of the qualities that I'm looking for in a girl but has some glaring traits that make me go, "It'd be better if she didn't do that."

Ipenka brought it up in a comment that Vino is a waitress and works the random schedules that people in that industry work. I know this. I used to work in the same industry. This is one of the things that made me have doubts. Conflicting schedules in this busy world rarely makes for a happy dating life. She has maybe 2 days off a week and because she works evenings she is usually going to be busy on those days.

She, like me, is quite a riot and loves to go out and have a good time. This isn't so much of an issue except because she works in the industry she does, she can do it every night of the week. I know this because I used to do the same thing.

There are a couple other things as well but it doesn't really matter. I had my doubts from the beginning and so far I've been proven right about every one of them.

I guess this would explain why I'm not upset, sad or perturbed in any way shape or form. I was right. It sucks.

I guess you can say I went in guarded. Which may have helped me not get hurt but may have also hampered my probability of success as well.

I've been told that there is a way to break down the barriers, fences, brick walls, razor wire, and bunkers we build up around our hearts to protect us from being hurt, and then allow us to reach out and touch someone inappropriately  find love.

Apparently you have to open yourself up and have a look at the squishy side of your psyche. I'm sure I have one, somewhere. I think it is kind of like the painting you got from your cousin in the mental institution; you keep it but you don't ever take it out to show your guests.

Well I'm going to take out that painting and share it all with you.

OK I took another look at the painting and... the genitals mixed with what I'm hoping is sherbet is most off putting so instead I'll show you my squishy side.

This is a love letter to my future wife/woman/girlfriend/harem/concubine/you get the idea.

(Remember that Italics are like whispers.)

To the love of my life:

Sometimes I wonder if you actually exist. I wonder where you are and why I haven't found you. Then after I'm done wondering, I think to myself; You are out and about living your life, having adventures and getting stories to share. After all, I have my stories to tell, you should have yours. 

I look forward to actually meeting you and falling in love with your quirks. Don't try and claim you don't have any, because you do. Everyone does. I know I have mine, and I hope you can love me in spite of them. I can be a little bit sarcastic and remarkably inappropriate but I'd like to think that my heart is in the right place. I know I don't have dextrocardia, instead I mean, even if I'm being an asshole it is probably just a self defense mechanism. I really do care, I just suck at showing it. I'm honest to a fault but I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. There are more but what I'm trying to say is; I know I'm not perfect and I don't expect you to be. 

There will be a time when things don't look like they are going to last. We will fight and have our disagreements, but I know that I'm willing to push through them and make it work if you are. I can't do it alone. I don't want to have to do it alone. 

I want you to know that I don't care about your past mistakes. They are part of what makes you into the beautiful person that you are. I don't want you to hide them either. You should feel completely free to tell me anything. I'm not one to judge. I've got my fair share of mistakes as well. 

Lastly I want to tell you that you should hurry up and let me find you. You're missing out on some pretty amazing sex. If you need a little while longer I understand, but I am not getting any younger. 

Later days,

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

What the Fuck Wednesday: Irksome

So the general consensus is that I should man the fuck up and just ask her out.

Do I get points for trying?

Here's the story.

Monday night Junior wanted to go out for dinner, beer and watch some football. Through some serious hemming and hawing we decided to go to the place that Vino works. The food is fantastic and they have a ridiculous selection of beer. Plus it was wing night.

I know that when I go see her at work that I'm not actually going to be seeing much of her. It is a very busy pub and I'm OK with that. That wasn't the reason we went there.

We went there for the Guinness soaked lamb and cheddar sliders. They are so fucking fantastic that I, with my rather superfluous vocabulary, can't find a word that would do them justice. Scrumptious would be close, I guess.

So after the dinner and a couple pints of "Scottish heavy", which I'm tempted to say is one of the better beers in the world, we get ready to leave.







I asked her what days off she had this week to see if I was even available, turns out Wednesday and Sunday, 'she thinks', are her days off. I inform her that the movie "Anonymous" (a movie we talked about the first time we hung out, it's about Shakespeare and stuff, pretty much porn for English  majors and the like) is coming out this weekend and that I'd love to take her to it, but if she is busy I'd like to take her out on Wednesday instead.

She then tells me that she is going to try and pick a shift up on Wednesday because it is rib night and also a hockey night.

OK Wednesday is no good.

She also tells me that she will have to make sure she has Sunday off and will call me to let me know.

She hasn't called. I'm not banking on her calling. I'm not keeping my weekend free.

I'm beginning to see a pattern in the women I find interesting; it could just be all women or just women my age.

They are all unable to make plans further than three days in advance. The last three women I've found myself attracted to have all done the same thing where they just can't actually plan a head, for example:

Me: Hey what you doing next weekend?

Her: Umm I don't know. 

Me: You want to go skiing then stop in Banff and sit in the hot springs? 

Her: I don't know I'll have to check my schedule and get back to you.


(right after making out for about an hour, after a fairly successful date)

Me: OK, I have to go home.

Her: You work in the morning?

Me: Yes, otherwise I'd love to stay. When can we do this again?

Her: I don't know I'll call you.

Who are these women that have no idea what their fucking schedule looks like? I know it isn't that they aren't interested because they will call, and give me about an hours notice that they are going to be free for the evening. If I'm free, we usually have a good time but then it is followed by one of the conversations above. If I'm not free they act all downtrodden and sad. (Which doesn't work on me BTW)

I didn't think scheduling things was hard. Hey you free Thursday? You don't know? It's fucking Monday! you don't have anything planned or you do. It's that simple. If you don't, you do now.

Are they waiting to see if something better comes up? Are they afraid of commitment? What? I don't get it.

What the fuck?

Later Days,

PS. Here is the Anonymous trailer.

Monday, October 24, 2011

My weekend Monday: CFL

If there is one thing that the Canadian Football League is good for, it's a party.

A friend of a friend got these tickets to a pub organized party bus football game bonanza. Twenty five bucks got us into the pub, one ticket to the game, one beer and one thing of chicken wings for every two people, and a ride to and from the stadium.

I invited Vino, she was more than happy to join, actually cancelling her plans so that she could come.

I can't honestly say I watched that much of the game, partly, because it was a game that didn't matter. The Local team is already in the playoffs and the opponent well, let's just say, they are in last place. I was also pretty involved either talking to Vino or talking the the crazy people surrounding us in the stands.

I was watching the hi-lights later on and I honestly don't remember any of the plays that made it onto the TV. I think that was because our seats actually sucked and we could only really see the end zone.

The evening was a complete success. There was many many good times, laughs had by all and I'm pretty sure Vino may be one of the coolest girls I've ever known.

Near the very beginning of the game these two girls sitting in front of Junior turned around and stole some cheese right off of his pizza that he bought for 7 dollars a slice. I immediately yelled at them "CHEESE THIEVES" They looked appalled and then we all started laughing about it. Ginger and this other guy that had the same name as me started flirting with the two girls and continued right through the end of the night.

One of the girls was a complete bitch, the other I would have hit on and seemed kinda cool. The complete bitch didn't have any right to be a bitch. She had a massive honking nose and was built kinda like a man. I didn't actually say she looked like a man until after she had been a bitch for a while. Although, I didn't say she looked like a man to her face.


Vino did.

Not just in a passing moment either, but actually walked up to their table at the pub after the game and legitimately asked. "You used to be a man, right?"

I think I fell in love on the spot. She is obnoxious in the best kind of way.

The rest of the evening wasn't all that exciting. I dropped Vino off and got, as my friend Natasha called it, "a reverse piggy back" hug. (she wrapped her legs around my waist when hugging her)

The rest of the weekend was spent either doing laundry, working, or sleeping.

Now I've already got some really good advice from #clubbabyseals, but I think I'm going to put this out to the blogosphere and see what everyone else has to say.

Don't judge me it's cheaper than a therapist.

I tried articulating this before and I sucked at it so lets see if I can do a better job here.

I have no idea what Vino's intentions towards me are. I'm pretty sure she knows I have a thing for her. ("Having a Thing": meaning this. If you don't click on the link the short form is "I want to give her orgasms, ten thousand orgasms.")

The advice I've already received is "Ask her out on a proper date, and make sure she knows that it is a proper date." Basically to man the fuck up and tell her I want to put my penis inside her.

The only other option is to wait and see how it plays out.

I'm going to try and hang out with her this week and see if the timing is right for me to man up or not. Normally I can read girls a little better than this and can tell if they like me before I put myself out there. This is a whole new territory for me.

I'm a huge fan of stepping out of my comfort zones so this could be a pretty awesome growing experience regardless of how it goes.

Later Days,

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Interlude Thursday: Hockey.

Someone whom I thought was a friend and had forgiven me for being Canadian is at it again and trying to destroy something I love. Max over at Misanthropy Blog has attacked my beloved sport of hockey.

He says no one has scene a goal scored. 

I think you need to work on your observation skills. A puck doesn't fly that much faster than a really fast pitch from a pitcher in baseball. (or even the fucking ball in tennis) So if you can see a baseball fly through the strike zone then you can see a puck. For fucks sake it is a black object against a white background if you can't see it you need to stop spending your time whacking off to the backside view of an offensive line in football and get some visual reflexes.

I have seen goals scored, many times. Max mentions that a siren is used to announce a goal. This is correct, however it isn't an automatic siren it has a manual switch that a guy named "goal judge" has to flip whenever he "sees" a puck go into the net. So suck it Max and petition your TV stations to bring back the puck that glows on your TV set so your idiotic brain can follow it. (seriously up here in Canada we were laughing very heartily at the country that is our shorts for that)

The next point he attacked was "The fighting sucks" 

He mentions that fighting isn't allowed. Correct it isn't allowed, but it isn't really punished either. When Robby spit on the umpire in baseball he was fined and kicked out of some games. When Ron Artest beat the shit out of a fan again fined and suspended from some games. In hockey, you beat the living piss out of someone you get to go have a time out in the corner/penalty box to think about what you've done.

Max also mentioned that the actual fight itself sucks.

I have a sample fight for you.

I might add that they aren't holding on to each others jerseys to hold themselves up, no, they are holding onto each others jerseys so that they get better leverage to smash in the other persons face.

Now the fighting may not be as awesome as say boxing or a UFC match but it adds a little bit of excitement. plus when players can make sure that someone who plays dirty and the ref doesn't see it gets punched in the face they all tend to play a little more fair.

Next up was Speed doesn't matter

Speed is exciting. Hands down. That is why it isn't just southerners that are into motor sports. The statistics for formula one racing place more of the fans outside of the united states. (Europe mostly). In fact the only motor sport that is really popular in the states is surprisingly one of the slower ones, Nascar, kinda says a lot about your country's taste in sports.

NASCAR, slower than the other motor sports.
Baseball, America's past time. This has to be the slowest thing considered a sport besides golf.
Football, the play stops every fucking 5 seconds and you get another 30 second break/ play clock.

The more I think about it Americans love things that are slow. Another word for slow is Retarded. I'm not drawing any conclusions here but it might explain a few things.  (Politics, your sports, the fact you haven't fully embraced the scientific proof of evolution.)

I'm taking a moment to share this because I can.

Below is an image of a graph of percentages for the amount of people that believe in evolution by country. Before you say it I know Canada isn't on there but let me tell you we aren't as low as you guys.

Good Job Merica, you beat Turkey.
Ok back to hockey.

The Playoffs take to long

Develop an attention span. The reason why hockey playoffs take so long is because the players actually have to recover after every game so they can't play back to backs. Hockey also believes in proving superiority to be more than a one time thing, which is why it is a best of 7. If you can beat another team 4 out of seven times the odds are that you're the better team. We don't just hand out a trophy to the team that has the best day.

Max says we should have the playoffs be of the top 8 teams instead of 16 because they take too long. I'd agree except I've seen a team from the bottom end of the racket come back to win the cup. (It's all about money anyway, longer playoffs mean more ticket sales)

Tie breakers make no sense.

I don't get how a shoot out isn't related to the sport. It is a test of skill player against goal tender and it isn't a sudden death type thing either it is averaged out over 5 different players from each team. Whoever has the most goals by the end of it wins.

I don't even know how ties are decided in football. A coin, toss like how the first possession is decided? In hockey everything is based on skill even who controls the puck from the very beginning. The face off is a battle of reflexes to see which player can hit a puck dropped by the ref to his own player.

I should also say that during playoffs there are no tie breakers they just go into extra periods. The longest

game took 176 minutes and 30 seconds of game play. When a normal game is 60 minutes. I don't know if you know this but hockey is exhausting to play. You have to be pretty fucking fit.

I'm going to jump into a tangent here.

Hockey is a sport that requires it's players to be fit.

This is Ryan Kesler, he plays for The Vancouver Canucks
He is fucking ripped. "All" hockey players have to be.
Syracuse football. I'm not going to say all football players are fat but most of the players on the team are.

C.C. Sabathia after he said he lost 25 pounds. 

Ok back to Max's complaints about hockey. 

Racist hockey?... No I'm afraid you have that backwards. We aren't racist or bigots we just want the best players to play. Hockey has its mix of ethnicity.

PK Subban plays for Canada at the world level and the Montreal Canadians in the NHL.

Below is him hitting another player, this is a clean hit and it's fucking awesome.

He isn't just a thug either, he is a talented player. 

Here is another awesome player of color I respect. 
Ray Emery

I'm sorry there just isn't proof that hockey is racist.

I'm not going to say that hockey is perfect and doesn't have it's issues but it is entertaining. It requires a lot of skill and athleticism to play if you can't see it you're blind.

Later Days 

Monday, October 17, 2011

My weekend Monday: Road Trip

As I mentioned in my Friday post I was going on a road trip this weekend. It was amazing. I did absolutely nothing but relax and have sex. I guess there was some playing with the dogs and feeding ducks in there too but you get the idea.

Rea's back living with her parents and this is awesome because her parents are good people. Her dad is one of few people I wouldn't want to mess with. He used to be a very mean and aggressive person that rode a motorbike and beat people with pool sticks. Now, however, he looks like a biker on vacation in Hawaii, flower shirt and all. He tells jokes and has some awesome stories.

I'm not going to go into to much detail about the sex but, as usual, it was good and very frequent.

Instead I'm going to focus on the 12 hours I spent behind the wheel of my car. I haven't done a lot of driving anywhere but in Canada and I'm going to give you a run down on why falling asleep is never really an option while driving in the Canadian mountains. The one and only reason outside of actually paying attention to the road is something called wildlife. We have a shit tonne of it up here.

The drive took place at night both directions. I drive better at night, when I don't have to worry about other shitty drivers on the road. When the Moon was out it was a very bright night indeed but when driving in narrow valleys and shadowed hills the moon wasn't always around to lend me some extra light. Instead you rely on your headlights and high beams, and the reflective properties of eyeballs.

Driving in the pitch black night doing 70 miles an hour you don't have a lot of time to be scanning the ditches for vague shapes of animals and eventually you'll drive yourself crazy thinking random lumps of dirt are deer. Instead you look for little glowing eyeballs, which then help you recognize the shape of a larger animal.

I'll give you a run down of all the animals I saw on this trip.

I saw 1 of these. It's a Coyote, the one I saw was dead. 

3 of these things (elk) they would of fucked up my car if they  were any dumber.
I saw too many of these do count, close to 30. All alive and oblivious to my horn.

I saw only one of these. It's a moose, and they are very very large.
The words "Holy Fuck moose" escaped my lips and were the only words I spoke the entire drive.
This was due to the fact I didn't see it till it was beside my car window.
(PS. that is a single lane dirt road in the pic, for scaling purposes)

I didn't see this little fucker but I knew one was close by and dead... recently.
I thought I saw a bear too but no guarantees so I won't count it. Needless to say I had an interesting drive. 

Oh and Vino wanted to hang out while I was in BC... shitty, I'll have to reschedule. 

Later Days,

PS. I saw a wild hipster too but he was in the safety of a 7-11 so I couldn't swerve to hit him.
fucking hipsters!!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Quick Update.

Hi, I'm not dead. I'm not in jail either.

Since I've gotten the raise at my main job they are expecting more out of me... weird, I know. So I've been busy actually doing work for the most part. On top of that I'm still not done at the second job, tonight is my last shift. Needless to say I've been busy.

I have tried to have a social life a bit too, failing for the most part but trying anyway. I've been relatively low key lately just hanging out with friends. Even Junior's Birthday party was low key. Mainly due to the fact he doesn't have ID and can't go to a bar.

I did go out one night this last weekend to drink with Vino and some of her friends from Ontario. They were way more rowdy than I was in the mood for so I just chilled and watched the drunks act like retards. Good times.

I am going on a road trip this weekend to go see Rea in BC. I'm looking forward to relaxing in the mountains and not having anything to do all weekend. It will be a nice change of pace.

Anyway that is all that is going on right now. I have to get back to work I'll let you know how the weekend goes on Monday.

Later Days,

Monday, October 10, 2011

My weekend Monday: Thanksgiving Edition.

Now before my American readers get all confused, I will point out that today is Thanksgiving Monday here in Canada. I don't have to work. I'm currently enjoying a food baby made out of amazing food which is about to put me into a food coma as well so I'll try and keep this brief.

For my loyal readers I will tell you I did write a post for FFSF but I decided that I wasn't going to bother finishing it, nevermind publishing it because well it seemed a little sick to post it on Thanksgiving weekend. It was on the "We are the 99%" pictures and shit you can find here. I feel bad for a lot of those people that have had shitty things happen to them. There are an alarming amount of people in there though that have made poor life choices.

Really? You thought spending 100k on an art degree was a good Idea?
Someone thought having 11 children would be a good Idea? I know Mormons that wouldn't do that.

I could post more but it all boils down to a couple of things. Either they chose a bad career, got sick without health insurance, went into insane amounts of debt putting themselves through school hoping there would be a job when they graduated or they had children when they couldn't afford to.

The joys of working in a capitalist society is that you can always, always find a way to make yourself useful. Go to a public library and pick up a book on gardening and grow some food. Shovel driveways in the winter, mow lawns or make applesauce and sell it for a measly profit. DO SOMETHING!!!

When my grandmother retired she didn't have enough money to live on, so she started creating little dolls for people to put into their gardens and sold them at craft fairs. It kept her mind busy and earned her enough to subsidize her retirement income. When those went out of style she became a custom seamstress out of her own house. She is getting older now and isn't able to do those things anymore but... but because she did them in the first place she is going to be just fine.

I don't get how these people can be unemployed for so long. (4 years, really? Give me 4 years and public library card and I'll guarantee I'll be employed probably sooner rather than later) If I have more than a week off of work and am not going some where I start to go stir crazy looking for something to do.

What I'm getting at is, yes, the system as it stands right now is broken. The laws that the governments have in place protect the rich and the corporations. It sucks. I support the occupy wall st movement, but I can't support those of the 99% that haven't done anything to help themselves out.

Going into debt is a choice for the most part. You don't just wake up with 100k in debt. At some point along there you should have realized that spending money that you don't have isn't going to help you out in the long run.

Having children is also a choice. Did you know that raising a child to the age of 18 costs roughly 250 thousand dollars yet a pack of condoms is 10 bucks? (and coat hangers are free)

The fact that the american population suffers from bloated waistlines as well as debt really doesn't inspire me to be on your side. If you are overweight and complaining that you don't have enough money, eat less.

I guess what I'm getting at is that a lot of these people aren't doing anything to make their lives better, or have made choices that put them into the situation they are in. It sucks but it is life.

This brings me to today's post. Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for a couple things.

Firstly my family, I love them dearest and they cook a fantastic turkey. They are always there for me whenever I need them.

Secondly my friends. They keep me out of trouble for the most part. Without them I'd be lost.

Thirdly my Career. This ties into the 99% thing. I didn't always want to be an oil and gas designer. Nope I really didn't. Sitting in Kindergarten I dreamed of flying. I wanted to be a pilot. I was told I was colorblind in grade 1, shattering that dream. I then turned to other things and bounced around for a while as to what my life goal was going to be. I went to University the first time to get a BA in psychology. I hated it so I switched majors... a couple times. First was philosophy then English then creative writing. I realized though as I was going further and further into debt that I was going to have to make sure I had a job when I finished school. My dream of being a writer would have to wait. So I took a year off and did some research into what sort of career I would like and would also get me employed. I found out that I would be a good industrial designer, so I found out where I could take a course on that and then I did.

I'm now done school. I have a little bit of debt but I have a job. A good job. Yea I made some wrong choices and had to work 2 jobs for a while to make sure that I could pay all my bills. It sucked but that is life.

I'm thankful I had the foresight to switch into an education that got me a career that I love and pays the bills.

I am part of the 99% but I'm not an idiot.

I understand I live in Canada and that things work a little bit different up here than down there. Universal healthcare for instance. It isn't free. Our taxes are a lot higher up here than yours are down south. It also doesn't cover scripts or certain procedures. Our system is a more socialized system but it is still capitalism. The states have this fear of government involvement yet you have the least government involvement of any of the major economies in the world. It isn't working for you. (A Communist country holds the majority of the American debt, go figure)

The American Population fights for their rights of freedom, liberty and the American dream. America was built from the ground up by the rejects of Europe. In 300 years the entrepreneurial spirit of Americans brought them to be the worlds greatest super power. Yet now the world looks on as you cannibalize  yourselves fighting over religion and partisan politics meanwhile being kept numb and entertained by watching reality TV shows and aspiring to be just like those Jersey Shore assholes or dreaming of falling in love with a sparkly Vampire. Wake up and take responsibility for your life.

My call to you Americans is to not just rise up and occupy Wall-street, but to rise up and reach for your ultimate potential. Turn off the TV and find a way to fix your problems. It should be apparent to you now that the government doesn't give a shit about you. Time to start giving a shit about yourself and making things better around you. No one is going to hold your hand and make sure you're OK.

The last time I checked the American Dream was to make a better life for yourself. So do it.

Later Days,

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What the Fuck Wednesdays: Bad luck.

If I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all.

Now I'm going to give a little more back story to the kind of person I used to be. I've mentioned before that I used to be fat. Going along with being fat, and smart I also was geeky. There is a table top game called Warhammer that all the neck beards and socially awkward kids have ruined as being a great hobby, artistic wise as well as training the mind kind of like chess. It really is chess but on a grander more customize-able scale. Nobody thinks chess is geeky though and no one thinks painting models is geeky either but when you put the two together uber geeky.

This is bad-ass not geeky.

Regardless I used to play Warhammer when I was a teenager. It uses dice to determine combat. I had some of my guys in combat and was currently defending. I was rolling several dice for an armor save. (basically my opponent landed attacks, I just had to make sure that my armor would stop it.) My guys would live if I rolled anything but a one. I rolled (7) seven, I repeat 7 ones. Yet when I play Yahtzee I can't roll anything for shit.

I don't gamble either, there is no point. I have never won anything. I don't bother buying lotto tickets, or entering into raffles. I've never won. I know you're going to say that you can't win if you don't play. I know, I've done an experiment. I bet 10 times playing roulette. It looked liked this.

1st bet: Red, Result: Black
2nd bet: Red, Result: Black
3rd bet: Black, Result red
4th bet: Black, Result: double zero
5th bet : Black, Result: red.
6th bet Black, Result double zero
7th bet Black, Result red
8th bet Black, Result red
9th bet Red, Result black
10th bet. Both, Result double zero.

Even the dealer at the casino was baffled. He said he had never seen anyone with as bad of luck as me.

Before I did this experiment I used to gamble a bit, enter 50/50 draws and the like but never won. Even in elementary school when there was a draw and "everyone" was a winner. I'd win last and get the worst piece of shit prize possible. I won a pencil. It was a cheap shitty pencil. You know the kind that had the lead that would break 30 seconds after you'd sharpen it. I really felt like a winner that day.

I've once gotten 2 flat tires from 3 different kinds of punctures (good luck figuring that out). I only had one spare. This situation is known as "Fuckered" or "Proper fucked".

My bad luck seems to hit me when I'm just getting back up to par. Like now, I just get a raise, quit my second job and am on my way to becoming a happy fully functioning normal member of society. I could get my hobbies back and actually eat a meal in my house. Maybe even meet a nice girl. I was looking forward to it. Then someone decided to steal my cellphone. Literally a day apart.

The same thing happened when I purchased my car. I get the loan, and within a week I get laid off. (this was back in March)

When I bought my first car about 8 years ago the alternator went within the first 2 weeks. (the same fucking thing happened with my second car too)

It doesn't seem to matter what I do to try and land on my feet and get running again. I get up from the last fall onto my face and within 5 strides cautious baby steps I get knocked right the fuck back down.

It's been this way my whole life, you'd think I'd be used to it but I'm not. I don't like it and I think Karma deserves a taste of her own medicine or just owes me one really big favor.

Either that or she charges a whole fuck load of interest for undue luck. I had a lot of luck as a child. I have been in some major accidents and quite possibly could have died on multiple occasions. So if Karma is collecting my debt I wonder how long until I'm square.

Truly I just think Lady luck and Karma are dirty lesbians that have a preference for strapons. I just wish they would take them off when they tamper with my life.

Anyway I'll figure something out I always do.

Later days,

Monday, October 3, 2011

My weekend Monday: Meh...

The original tittle for this post was "Cock Sucking Bloody Fucking Shit Storm on a Stick."

I'm not in a happy place at the moment. This weekend sucked more donkey cock then an eastern European girl traffic'd into the Mexican sex slave industry.

To start with, my phone got jacked and I haven't gotten it back yet. I'm not a happy camper about this. I was smart and installed Lookout mobile security on my phone. So I can track it. I tracked it to a house so I know where it is. I also locked it, so even if you pull my SIM card out of it the phone will still be useless. I just want it back I don't even want to press charges just gimme my fucking phone back. I don't have $530 bucks to go buy a new one.

Needless to say because I have no way of communicating with the world my weekend was relatively low key. I  did nothing but try and get my phone back on Friday. Then I tried again to get my phone back Saturday morning. I then spent the rest of Saturday at the office doing work.

After I left work Saturday evening, I was in a bad mood so I did what I always do to solve my problems. I crawled into a bottle. I went over to Vegas's place and drank a whole bunch of tequila then we went to a bar where I had an interesting conversation with a couple young women.

Me: Your hair is ridiculous.

Her: It's my snooki bump.

Me: I know what the hair style is. It is still ridiculous.

Her: I just love Jersey Shore.

Me: I hate that show. ( I wanted to say: I think they should all die a slow painful death by having a cactus grow up their rectums.)

She then turned and walked away from me without saying another word.

What is wrong with people? Don't they realize that Jersey Shore is a perfect example of everything that is wrong with society.

I eventually drank enough that I passed out in a chair playing video games. Apparently I was speaking in half sentences that weren't even remotely related to the ones before them.

I woke up on Sunday, then promptly took a nap. Then I went to work again because I had a project due this morning. I was at work until almost midnight.

Yea my weekend was awesome. To quote Fight Club "I wanted to kill every panda that wouldn't fuck to save its species."

In case you were wondering, because I didn't have my phone I wasn't able to call Vino to go out for drinks with her. She probably thinks I'm a dick because of this.

I just want my fucking phone back!!

Later Days,