Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What the Fuck Wednesday: Ummm... What....

Hi there, long time no see.

Well if I told you I've been out living an exciting life and I have a ridiculous amount of things to tell you about I'd be lying. Well half lying.

First off, there is a restaurant here in Calgary that is called Tubby Dog. I took Red there for a date. This restaurant specializes in hot dogs. Not just any kind of hot dogs, but amazing combinations.

This is the Captain's dog.
The Captains dog is a 1/3 lb hot dog smothered in peanut butter and jam. Topped with Captain Crunch cereal. This is what I had. It is so fantastic. Don't knock it till you try it.

She ordered the A-Bomb.
The A-Bomb is a 1/3 lb hot dog served with cheese bacon mayo mustard ketchup and potato chips. I've never had it but it is apparently good. I just don't like Potato chips (crisps if you're a UK reader)

The date itself was OK, there isn't a whole lot we have in common. She can't do shit because of her condition, (can't even hold chopsticks) so we end up having some long silences between us. I don't think this one is going to go anywhere. We just don't have enough in common and the fybromyalgia really cramps my style when it comes to things I like to do.

What is the protocol when it comes to ended things after 2 dates?

On to the part that everyone cares about.

My snowboarding trip.

Oh look here is me. I've also decided I need a board with a wider stance.
Weird. Me again. I'm actually going really fast here but you can't tell. 

I'm kidding, as much fun as my day snowboarding was it wasn't as eventful as that evening was.

Things with the Russian have been going really well, or so I thought. Dun dun dunnnnn.

She came over and because it was a Sunday and I was also reasonably tired we decided that we were just going to have a nice relaxing evening in. She has never seen Breaking Bad. We had started watching it before, wednesday I think. Anyway, I start episode 2, it craps out about 25 minutes in.

I didn't plan it but that just meant we got to make out for a while. Things were working their way to where I wanted them to to be. Naked time was well on it's way.

However, you know that point when foreplay is supposed to be over and you move on to the final act. Well at this point she flips away from me, buries her head in the pillow for a minute, then rolls back over comes cuddles and then in another minute starts up with the foreplay almost from the beginning again.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

2 hours later, after what I consider to be a fantastic make out session with a little bit of naked fun, (and about 9 restarts) it is about 45 minutes till she has to go home. She turns to me and trust me on this, it's verbatim. She says "Why do women think so much..." I look at her funny, she continues with "I can't figure out why I don't want to sleep with you."

.... um... What....

Seriously, I don't get it? Isn't that one of those "yes" or "no" things.

It can't be a "No, but I don't know why."

What the Fuck did she expect me to say.... I have no clue to be honest.

I know what she got though, a blank stare because my higher thought functions were busy trying to relearn how to tie my shoes. It seemed more productive to them instead of deciphering what she was trying to say.

Then to confuse the fuck out of me she reaches up and brings me back down to her lips and we have another 45 minutes of what my mother would call heavy petting.

I think I technically got tagged out somewhere between third base and home plate.

I drove her home and got a passionate kiss upon exit. Now it's almost like that sentence never left her mouth. We've been texting back and forth and everything.

Now here is my theory, it took me 2 days to think of it so don't mock me. Women rely on feelings sometimes to help make decisions right? Well what if she wants to have mad passionate monkey sex, make sweet sweet love to me, but doesn't feel ready yet?

Advice is appreciated.

Later Days,

PS. She also asked "What are you thinking?" a ridiculous amount of times. I got sick of telling her the banal thoughts going on in my head and told her to stop. It didn't work. I tried the whole make shit up theory, the compliment theory, the say nothing theory, all of them no matter what the fuck I said she'd ask it 10 minutes later. BAH!!!!

Monday, January 23, 2012

UpDATES... see what I did there?

I am sorry.

Now that you've forgiven me for being a terrible blogger and not keeping you informed, I shall do my best to inform you on the recent comings and goings in my little life.

Oh, sorry as well for that "hate filled diatribe" of a post about SOPA and how it isn't nearly as important as the NDAA or the EEA, and how no one not very many people have noticed those on the way to getting passed, but "OMG, Wikipedia is down!!!" protest of the century.  I'm glad I'm Canadian. Yes, I'm still a little upset.

Apparently there was a conglomeration of shit going on in the parts of my brain that regulate migraines and the pressure switch clicked over and I was in an immensely pained, tunnel visioned, numb armed, nausea filled delirium for the majority of Thursday and Friday. When I wasn't writhing in pain, I was asleep and once I awoke, I felt a little worn down and abused.

So outside of that, I have been a busy little bee when it comes to the dating world.

Firstly I'll update on the Russian. This is going well. I think. We've gone out a couple more times.

So I went against some of your suggestions and had her come over on Wednesday to cook her dinner and watch a movie. I had posted on Twitter asking which to stir fry, tofu or fish. I ended up going with shrimp. Win! She brought over this cake. Normally I don't like cake but this was fantastic. She really enjoyed the stir fry and then we cuddled on the couch watching "Dog Day Afternoon." Which if you've seen before, I hadn't, is a really fucked up movie. It's a normal bank robbing movie for the most part till about half way through, then you find out something weird and the whole scope of the movie changes. Even more fucked up is that it is a true story. I recommend watching it, just not on a date.

Next I was going to suggest something on Saturday that would have taken us out of the house, into the frigid winter air to watch some amazing musicians do a decent job on a mediocre composer's work at the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra. Before I could though she suggested, "How about we drink good beer, and watch planet earth. a relatively boring movie so we can make out." (italics is me reading between the lines) I, of course, said yes.

My ability to read subtext was correct. Well mostly, we didn't really start making out till after the movie. During which I learned that telling a pescetarian that the ducks, caribou, elk, and deer taste good is kind of a faux pas. Then after the movie was over we had our first kiss. Around 45 minutes later we were cuddling on my bed thinking it was very hot in the room. Either that or we were wearing to much clothing. Yes, we were still fully clothed you perverts.

Next, onto the other girl. I've called her Fybro in the past but I find that to be a little too insensitive so I'm going to change her name to Red. I met her first for coffee on Saturday. We chatted for a bit and things went really well. I had to cut the date short due to a previous request from my sister requiring a ride.

No worries though. I know she has issues with being out in the cold and walking for too long due to her condition, so I invited her over for dinner on Sunday. I know jumping ahead a little inviting her into my little world a bit ahead of what is considered normal, but you know what? Fuck off. It worked.

It was a pleasant evening. I've got a couple small problems with this one though, but I'll get to that.


Oh, what the fuck, how did I get a post within a post? I'll run with it.

The Russian: I'm not sure where this is going because she has dropped hints that she is defending her thesis in June and then has plans to travel. She also doesn't summer in the city, as she is from Vancouver. I'm tied down to this city. I own part of a condo and have a full time regular job. Travel isn't really in the picture for a while. Especially long term travel. This could be a problem easily understood but trying to get this girl to communicate feelings and such is like hacking the Playstation network. I'm sure it can be done but I lack the necessary skill set to do so. I know she likes me because of the whole make out session, but she would stop and roll away from me randomly and wouldn't say anything. She would shake her head roll back over and kiss me again. She also kept asking me what I was thinking. She wasn't satisfied with "How awesome this is."

I saw this comic earlier today that kinda fits.

We'll see where it goes with her. Will keep you posted.

Red: She is the same age as me but about 5 years behind on life. I didn't think her condition would be that huge of an issue because she said she is high functioning. Turns out though that "high functioning" isn't as high as I'd like; no climbing, no hiking, no skiing, no arduous physical exertion. Also no cold. She is also goo goo eyed for somethings that I couldn't care less about. Other than the fybromyalgia there isn't really any deal breakers.

I'm supposed to go out with both of them again. I will keep you posted.

Later Days,

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Pissing on Corpses, SOPA, and what actually matters.

There is this thing hitting american news lately. The marines pissing on the corpses of some dead insurgents. The common defense it seems is. "You aren't over there you don't know what it is like" "War is hell, it makes monsters out of men." You know all the typical shitty things that happen during war, if you've never been there don't judge.

How about the rest of the world? Can we judge Americans by their actions? All of their actions I mean. You guys go over to their country with unfounded claims of WMDs and ties to terrorism and tear the place to shit then get upset when the locals get bitchy. The rest of the world looks on as Americans go into oil producing countries and kill everything that doesn't help with the Americans' economic agenda. The american war on terror is a self perpetuating war. As long as you keep messing with other peoples lively hood you are breeding more and more terrorists.

Do I blame those kids for pissing on some corpses, no. I blame the American government for sending them into the shitty, unnecessary war in the first place. Before you ask, No I haven't been over there but I also don't live in the bubble of ignorance the rest of the united states lives in.

If you think the wars going on over there are tied to terrorism, true terrorism that is, you should take a look at the facts. Facts like Saudi Arabia donates ridiculous amounts of money to Al Quida, yet the American government won't do shit to them because they have a beneficial trade agreement. Osama Bin Laden was found in Pakistan. Another country that has ties to terrorism. Legit actual documented ties but because of again complex issues, including nuclear warheads. The American government gets stopped from doing anything. So instead they go into these poorer countries without a powerful government and destroy them and set up shop pillaging the oil.

So No, I'm not that upset at the marines pissing on corpses. It is a small crime when compared to what the american people, through their government, have done to these people. Long before some idiots whipped out their dongs, Americans where figuratively pissing on the corpses of these people every single time they reap the savings at the pump.

I pay roughly 1.09$ per liter of gas. This works out to 4.13$ per gallon. If you factor in exchange rate I pay 4.50$ per gallon of gasoline. I work in Oil and Gas. I know how it all works. Americans are spending roughly 3$ per gallon of gas. Give or take. You think that this has to do with the amount of oil you yourselves produce. Fuck no. It has to do with trade agreements you've made with puppet (more often than not) or favorably economical governments all over the world. Canada included in the favorably economical side.

History is filled with puppet governments being set up by American power and money only to have them turn on their supposed masters. Saddam Hussein was one of them. You guys used to be friends. Then you chased him into a hole and then hung him.

Enough about your foreign affairs. Lets look at something that is on just about anyone that uses the internet's mind. SOPA. This isn't even that big of an issue for me because I know that it isn't going to do much but push a lot of companies that are based in the united states out. They will go to other places that don't have censorship laws.

Basically SOPA is going to take your already weakened anal gaping economy that was just horribly sodomized by your banking district and jam another big massive fuck down it's throat. The internet will survive however, just without Americans. It'll be like Cuba.

The next big thing in the news is the Republican GOP race. I have this to say about that.

What my American friends have been missing from their news is an issue that I think should be at the forefront of thought these days. It isn't the wars over seas, it isn't the presidential election, it isn't gay rights. No surprisingly it is the rights of all.

There is a bill on the floor of congress right now called the NDAA. This shouldn't be that surprising. There is one every year. It is basically the military budget. It also includes some of the rules and regulations that the military has to follow. Like the little addition that was made. It gives the military the right to hold and detain without judge, jury or trial, for an indefinite amount of time, anyone that the military deems to be in cahoots with terrorism. Since terrorism is a term that can be thrown at anyone for anything that the government doesn't like.  Oh and this power the military has will now go on as long as war has been declared.

You might turn to me and say now. "Oh, they can't do that to me I'm an American citizen. I have rights." You'd be correct. That is until they made this little addendum.

It's called the Enemy Expatriation Act. Anyone that is deemed to be an enemy of the state, will be stripped of citizenship. Then they can be held indefinitely without trial for as long as the war on terror is still on. Which as I've mentioned before is a self perpetuating war.

Don't be surprised if people start getting disappeared.

This is all happening in the background while you all dance around and look at the crazy religious republicans or the idiotic marines or watching Jersey shore.

There is a Bumper sticker I've seen it  says, "If you aren't pissed off, you aren't paying attention."

Monday, January 16, 2012

My weekend Monday: Post Date Blinks.

I have to say that it feels pretty good to be dating as much as I have been. 

Last night I took the Russian out again. 

We went to go see some stand up comedy. We both agree that female comics suck. Sadly the opener was female and yes she was terrible. The rest of the show was entertaining and we had a good time. 

I'm beginning to get a better feel for the way The Russian's brain works. She is quite possibly more sarcastic than I am. I know, I'm impressed too. 

I haven't managed to scare her off either which is impressive in itself. It isn't like I'm not being myself either. Here is an excerpt of some of our texting. This is after I've invited her out to the comedy place.

Her: Yea sounds good. I may laugh at some very inappropriate things though... 

Me: I told Nazi jokes on the first date, I think you'll be fine.

Her: Funny fact-I'm Jewish. Not religiously but kinda like you're Mormon without the resentment cuz nobody ever made me believe in it...

Me: Still could have offended you, sorry if I did. My bad.

Her: Haha all genocide jokes are equally offensive. I bring it up because I wasn't offended.

Me: Ok, good. Cause I find some offensive things pretty damn funny.

Her: I have a feeling you're not the only one.

I'm going to keep her around I think.

The rest of my weekend wasn't anything that unusual. I drank, I acted like an idiot. I made some other people feel like idiots. I ate some shwarma, which, if you haven't done you should. I think I switched it up to falafel on Saturday night. I learned that rock climbing hung over doesn't work that well. I learned that sleeping on a love seat when you're 6'2 isn't all that great. In fact it is probably worse than you can imagine. 

The best part of my weekend was probably the hour of the comedy show I got to sit with my arm around the Russian. 

I am going to go out with Fybro for coffee this week just to see if it is even worth pursuing. 

I'm also planning on going out with the Russian on Wednesday. I have no ideas at the moment what to do with her. 

It is fucking cold out here (minus 25 Celsius here, or -13 Fahrenheit)

I'm thinking something indoors, but what? I'm willing to entertain ideas from my audience so in the comments give me some ideas. 

Later Days,

Friday, January 13, 2012

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Post Date Blinks.


I was for a moment. This is the perfect opportunity for me to talk about something that kind of makes me laugh and kind of makes me want to feed skinned rats to orphans. I guess you could say I have mixed feelings about it.

As I mentioned before I was supposed to have a dinner date with Vino last night and then she informed me she was inviting someone else to join us. Was she trying to set me up with a friend? Which would have been cool, but sadly no. It was another guy.

I have my theories about their relationship but I'll get to that.

First off this guy works as a cook at an Irish pub. He is a smart enough guy, a good guy. I wouldn't say attractive, but far from ugly. He is normal. He is a stoner, but I'm from the pot capital of the world, British Columbia, so I can't really judge. He is the type of guy that has never owned a suit jacket. He owns exactly one collared shirt for special occasions. He's your typical blue collar guy, destined for middle management in the hospitality industry. Don't get me wrong, still an awesome guy, just not one of the potential to be great types.

Now here is where it gets odd.

The evening starts out at Vino's place. The restaurant we were going to was right around the corner. So I show up first and we have a nice little chat. You know catch up on whats been going on and such when Zach arrives. Well we didn't pause our conversation other than to stop and say Hi. He showed up in a suit jacket and his collared shirt. Dressed up as best he could. Why, I have my theory, but I'll get to that. Anyway, he comes in and really has nothing he can contribute to the conversation. When the topic shifted we made sure that it was one he could contribute too.

We go to the restaurant, Vino and I are right in our element. We look at the drink menu and I picked out a nice valpolicella wine. She gets a martini. Zach says he'll split a half liter of wine with me, probably because he had no clue. He at one point said he was just going to order a "beer". Generic Budweiser probably. Screams class. The food was fantastic we went to Mannie's. The conversation was mostly between Vino and I but Zach tried. Overall was a nice evening spent with friends.

It was definitely not a date, but there was some interesting things happening behind the actions and some subtle undercurrents to what was going on.

Here are my theories.

Zach and Vino are sort of together. It isn't "Facebook" official, which is a topic in itself that drives me bonkers, but anyway. There was enough of a physical closeness they displayed that would encourage me to think there is/was something more than friendship there but no overt affection so still up in the air on that one.

Onto the theory of Zach's attire. He came dressed to the nines because he knows that I tend to dress nicely. I like looking respectable, what can I say. He obviously felt threatened by me which is why I'm sure he was the one that wanted to come to dinner in the first place. If he and Vino are dating it makes perfect sense.

Then there is the possibility that they aren't together and he is also vying for her affections, so he viewed it as a contest between the two of us and he didn't want to be completely outclassed so he dressed up.

The problem with everything is this, I'm not one to actually try and force the affections of another person. If Vino wants to date me she hasn't done a very good job of showing it, so I'm inclined to believe that she doesn't. Which makes Zach dressing up and looking more than a little ridiculous all the more funny.

Either way, I'm not even considering the idea that Vino and I could be anything more than just friends. Not that we wouldn't work out together but she is just playing to many games and it is way to much effort to try and wrap my head around everything. I say For Fuck's Sake, we'll just be friends.

It isn't like I don't have prospects.

Yesterday I asked a question on my twitter account. (Which if you have twitter and aren't following me, shame on you.) "So I just found out this girl I've been messaging has fibromyalgia. Am I a bad person for not wanting to date her now?"

This brought a mixed bag of comments. Some were for me bailing and some were saying I'm immature for wanting to.

A little explanation. My moniker is "Not the Hero" for a reason. I can be crass, rude, obnoxious, offensive, and sometimes even a little bit of an asshole, but some of you have seen through this facade.

The truth of the matter is, I actually care a lot about the people that deserve it, or earn it. I lack empathy for idiots and people that make poor decisions but that doesn't mean I don't care. I bend over backwards to help out those that matter to me most.

I'm worried that if I were to develop feelings for someone that has a chronic pain issue like fybromyalgia then I'd be fucked. I would want to make the pain stop. I'd want to fix it. I wouldn't be able to. I would have to sit there and watch this person I care about suffer and I'm pretty sure it would kill me.

I haven't made my decision because I honestly don't know how bad her case is and what it means to her lifestyle. If it is something that is controlled and isn't going to be much of an issue then sure I'll see where it goes.

As for the Russian, I have another date with her on Sunday. I'm kind of excited. I'll keep you informed.

Later Days,

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Post Date Blinks: The Russian.

First thoughts. Stream of consciousness style. 

I think the date went well. I was attracted to her, which I was worried about because her dating profile pics weren't exactly whole body shots, but I was pleasantly surprised. The next thing I noticed was her smile. It's big, but not overly. I liked it. The next I noticed was that she had already ordered a beer, I called her on it and she said it wasn't her fault the waitress made it sound so amazing. Very cheeky, I liked it. After that we settled into conversation where we talked back and forth. I still did most of the talking, but I think that is par for the course apparently because, well, I'm interesting and like to tell stories. Unlike the last POF date that I went on this girl was able to contribute more to the conversation than a brick wall. Better yet she had opinions and we were able to discuss things. Things that probably shouldn't be talked about on a first date but meh it happened. 

What things, you might ask. Well, first their was the conversation about the guy with HIV that was charged with attempted murder for having unprotected sex with women. Then there was the topic about death and funerals.

Overall I think it was good. We had fantastic conversation even if the topics were off course. The big question though. Was there any chemistry? I have no fucking clue. Which is funny because at some point in the evening the fact men can't tell if a woman is interested was brought up. I said I was different, I was wrong. 

I realized that she was a little insecure by reading her body language and such. I also realized that she has trust issues. When I went to drop her off at the end of the night IN MY NEW CAR !!!! she wouldn't tell me the address then made me drop her off at the corner and then declined my offer to walk her to her door. Little caution never hurt anyone I guess. 

Anyway, I think I will give this one another go. When it comes to chemistry, I didn't expect us to tear each other's clothes off so good conversation laughs and smiles. I think this was a good one. I'll ask her out again and see where it goes. 

It's late and I need sleep. 

Later Days,

Ps. She is getting a nick name The Russian because she was born in Russia, but that is as far as that goes. No accent or anything. Has trouble pronouncing uncommon words sometimes but I just thought it was cute. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

This isn't a real post. Read it anyway.

This isn't much of a real post, it's more of an FYI, or one of those Emergency broadcasts that interrupts your favorite TV show to tell you something mundane. Like some tornado located 150 miles away. "Shut the fuck up! I'm watching ninja turtles."

So this week has been crazy. I've purchased a car to replace my fucking beast of an FJ, and I couldn't be happier about that. I've been trying to get rid of it for almost a year. I'm getting a nice gas sipping VW Golf. I pick it up tonight at 6.

Now onto the real juicy stuff. I have a date tonight. It is another POF.com date, so it could go any which direction. It will of course make fantastic blog fodder. There will be a "Post Date Blinks" tonight probably right after the date is over, as that is the best time to write about it.

In other NtH news, I am going out for dinner with Vino tomorrow. I thought, "perfect, a great way for us to reconnect after losing that spark we had when we first met 6 months ago." Holy fuck, it's already been six months since we met. Where the fuck does time go?

I was actually more excited about the dinner with Vino than I was about the date tonight. This all changed when I got a text this morning. "Zach is goingto come for dinner too-" Not asking, telling. Well shit in my mouth and call me your sister. Zach is a good guy, I've met him before and actually passed out on his couch once. I'm sure it will be a pleasant evening filled with laughs and good conversation, but my odds of progressing to a more romantic relationship with her just went down the shitter. On a side note: I know that Zach has had a thing for Vino as well, so this could be a recipe for disaster. More good blogging material I guess.

I promise I won't be this guy.

Vino picked the restaurant, Greek. I may be able to get a good lamb shank out of this as well.

Is it odd that I think about all the shitty things that happen in my life in a more positive light because I can now entertain people with it?

Anyway till later this evening,

Monday, January 9, 2012

My weekend Monday: 100th post.

Yay! I've stuck to something long enough to make it to a milestone. I'm my own super hero today. I was hoping that my 100th post would be filled with ridiculous amounts of good news and awesome, but that isn't the case. I had a really busy weekend that was filled with fun but nothing blatantly awesome.

Friday was a lot of fun. Token and I were the only ones that were really available to go out and have a bit of a social life. Vegas was babysitting and with a nickname like Vegas you can guess why this is unusual. Junior was out of town and Ginger was being a pussy because he had to work in the morning.

We did what we always do. Predrink at Token's place, where I get exasperated explaining basic science to the dumb bitch that lives with them. We leave and head out to one of my favorite places. The Ship and Anchor. Why is it one of my favorites?

To be honest it probably shouldn't be because it is a hipster bar and sometimes it even smells like a hipster. I like it anyway because they have my favorite beer for cheap and the service is good. The bouncer is a really cool guy. They let us play drinking games and I almost always leave with a girl's number. I suppose those are some good enough reasons.

For instance, while at the bar on Friday I met probably the best looking 43 yr old woman ever. I would not have guessed that she was 43.

Her name is Lori Andrews and she is a local photographer and designer.
So hot. 
She was out with her friend Chelsea who was also incredibly attractive. I'd post a picture but if you're that curious you should just go look at Lori's page. We had some good conversation with them and they somehow managed to get my twitter and therefore my blog as well. So if they read this they'll find out how gorgeous I thought they were. They left because they were disturbed by the hipster beards. I didn't blame them, but I realized I had a beard... They said my beard was nice though. Probably because I don't let it grow out and make me look homeless.

They seem to think I should try and make some money off of this blog. I hadn't really thought about doing that but now the idea is planted we'll see where it goes.

Friday ended with us laughing at some younger kids as they flailed around trying to talk to girls. It didn't work out so well for the kids or us. Token and I ended up looking like assholes.

Saturday, I spent most of it in bed wondering why I drink and do this to myself. Then I got up and got the ball rolling on getting rid of my fucking FJ cruiser. Everyone I talk to is all "Why would you want to do that? I think they are fantastic." Fuck you, drive one and enjoy the blind spots. Even the car salesman said "Fuck that shit" after he drove it to the appraiser. The good news is if I can get financed I'll be getting a little gas sipping VW golf.

I was going to try and get a date to take to the hockey game and I probably could have if I had thought of it before Friday night. Needless to say I didn't, so I took Token to his first ever live NHL game.

We had some pretty good seats.
The game was good, Calgary won beating the Minnesota Wild 3-1. We left the game and went to meet up with Vegas. The three of us went back to the Ship and Anchor again. More drinking ensued. Vegas met a girl. Little young for my tastes but good for him. 

The end of the night rolled around and we walked to our next stop which I had been planning since before the hockey game.

A restaurant dedicated to french fries, cheese, and gravy. So good.

I met a couple girls in line that felt it was necessary to let me know that they were Bi-sexual. I thought that was fantastic news. The two longest relationships I've ever had were with Bi women. I had a great time talking to them and got one of their numbers but was informed it would work for both of them. The conversation ended with them telling me that even though they are Bi they still really enjoy straight sex. 

Now to just figure out how to text them and get one of them to go out with me. I haven't mastered that part yet. Hence my post on Friday about Communication. 

Sunday was spent recovering as usual. 

I'm supposed to have dinner with Vino this week. I still have no idea if this is something that could possibly be romantic or not. I have my hopes but I'm too cynical to actually think it is going to work. 

Will keep you informed. 

Later Days,

Friday, January 6, 2012

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Communication.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this recently enough for it to be easily accessed and recalled from your hippocampus but I live with my sisters. They are both single... ish. I'm single, and my friends are all single, at least the ones I hang out with on a regular basis. I have a couple of friends that are in committed healthy relationships; either married, engaged or otherwise boning on a regular basis, but this isn't about them because they've apparently got it all figured out and are living happily ever after. Spending weekends shopping for the perfect accessory to finish off their living room design project, and taking pictures together with their cat.

I sound bitter, but secretly I think I really want someone I can take to art galleries and then to pier 1 to find candles to accentuate the painting I just bought. Then to find a frame to match the candle holders that I didn't realize came with the candles but are horrendously out of place unless I can tie them back into the color spectrum of the room. I know what you're thinking.  Isn't Hero colorblind? To answer your question. "Yes, I'm straight."

Back to the topic at hand. This is something that is a huge issue my siblings and I are having. Junior had this issue as well, so his situation might get mentioned. It is such a huge issue we even brought my mother into the conversation. If it is bad enough that we bring my mother in as a consultant on modern dating we are truly flabbergasted.

My mother was useless, but still.

The issue at hand, if you've read the title I'm sure you have already guessed it, is communication.

I like to start out with a basic definition so we are all on the same ground.

Communication: the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.

In other words, fucking talking, or texting, or emails, or Facebook, or twitter, or phoning, or sign language, or Morse code, or letters, or smoke signals, or writing on cave walls. Really we've come a long way when it comes to ease of communicating with each other. 

Why is it so fucking hard then? 

For example, my little sister is dating a guy, we'll call him Mike, because that is his name. Mike is one of those guys that when he is at work he is impossible to get a hold of. There is an 8 hour black hole of communication. He won't answer his phone, or respond to texts. So when my sister is trying to set up plans for that evening, which he already said yes to being available for and interested in, she gets a little frustrated and ends up giving up and making other plans. Mike gets confused when he finally calls my sister back at 5 pm (he was off work at 4) to ask her about dinner plans and my sister says she is busy. Who's at fault here? In my opinion, Mike is. 

I'm one of those guys that doesn't like to do a whole lot of personal things at work. I blog, but... Shut the fuck up, I do what I want. Anyway... I don't necessarily like to spend the day texting the girl I've been crushing on. I can't, I'm busy, but I will respond to texts and make concrete plans for the evening. I will also send a follow up text when I'm off work to make sure the plans still work. The world is a busy place and shit gets fucked, so plans can change. No big issue, deal with it. I'm a big planner and communicator but not one for small talk by text or phone. 

Junior was seeing this girl. I can't remember her name so for this story she shall be known as "girl". Well girl was kind of like The Doctor in a way. Needy. When it comes to communicating via text, I'm a huge fan because it allows you to be clear concise and to the fucking point. What girl and the doctor wanted was to be inundated with messages of how we couldn't stop thinking about them. Or something like that. They said we didn't talk to them enough. Well what the fuck is enough?

I know what too little is. My older sister was/is (I'm not sure at the moment) dating a guy named Kris. Kris has talked to my sister 3 times in the last 3 weeks. I know it was Christmas but they were dating for 2 months when the holidays hit. The 3 times weren't even the obligatory "Happy New Year", "Merry Christmas" bullshit texts you get from everyone. Were they "Hey how's the snowboarding?" texts that someone who is an avid boarder would be curious to know about? Nope, they were so boring and non engaging that I can't even remember what they fuck they said. My sister isn't impressed she knows it is over but can't bring herself to find the time to commit to getting together with him to let him know. He isn't trying to get together so she is just going to leave it. Which I think is fine. Who needs closure when open ended "who gives a shit" is an option?

Then there is my current conundrum. I have pretty much mastered getting a girls number. I haven't quite mastered remembering to get a hold of them after I sober up, but that isn't the issue here. The ones I do get a hold of the conversation fizzles. Ladies when first texting/talking to a guy that you are trying to figure out if you want to let him play in your love garden, don't answer with one word answers and expect us to carry the conversation. 

I was recently reminded of a movie/ book called "He's just not that into you." and it's true. A guy, if he likes you, will try and go out of his way to talk to you, be around you... etc. However if you find a guy all of a sudden isn't all that keen on texting you or talking to you or making plans, don't assume he found someone else. If it was that easy to hop skip and jump from girl to girl I would have a more interesting blog. He hasn't all of a sudden decided you aren't attractive. No, what has probably happened is he got bored. It could be that you didn't have anything in common to talk about but more likely you didn't manage to hold his attention. 

Remember men these days were raised on action movies and video games. Our attention spans are relatively short. I'm not saying you need to blow shit up or play mind games to keep us interested, but maintain your side of the conversation you vapid origami fortune teller.

To quote a now defunct tv show.
 Nowadays you have to catch someones attention in 140 characters or less.

This brings me to the double standard. Why is it always the guys responsibility to maintain contact. I know of a few girls out there that are all "Why hasn't he called or texted back?" If he likes you, he forgot and will be happy to hear from you again. If he doesn't like you, texting him again isn't going to change that for the worse.  If you like someone text them. I'm sick of hearing this ambiguous "I don't know what is going on because he hasn't texted me back." If you don't like open ended "who gives a shit" and require closure, text them and ask, "What the fuck is up?".

Men, you assholes out there, try and communicate a little bit more of what you feel gasp! and be aware that women these days are just as busy as we are if not moreso, their attention spans aren't any better, but they plan a hell of a lot better than we do. Don't hate them for it, embrace it. Let them know that the 15 minutes they allotted for coffee with you next Thursday is fantastic and you're excited to be there. That is, as long as you don't get bored having a one sided conversation with a yes and no machine till then.

What I'm saying obviously doesn't apply to everyone but if we can be more engaging than a magic eight ball in a conversation and can actually communicate and agree to concrete plans, I think there would be a lot fewer lonely people out there. Myself included.

For Fuck's sake people, talk to each other.

Later Days,

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A question on Etiquette.

I hinted yesterday that I went out on new years eve. It was a riot. Not a real riot but an allegorical riot.

The beer tub girl handed me a handful of pill bottle shots the moment I walked into the bar. Apparently she was quitting and didn't give a flying fuck about her job. I didn't mind because hey, free booze.

The evening's shenanigans included, Ginger, Junior, Token, and I. At midnight we drank an Irish Car-bomb. If you've never had one, you aren't living. I managed to meet a couple girls one of them was showing off her engagement ring, from her fiance that wasn't there but was celebrating new years at home. Yea, I didn't get that either. What guy in love with a girl wouldn't want to spend new years with her? Meh, whatever, her friend was cute. We chatted for a while. Then they were leaving all to quickly. I got her number though. Or at least I thought I did.

Later / as I was getting the number, Token and Junior were arguing about making fun of Ginger for being a chicken shit that never hits on girls and hasn't been laid in forever. Junior was saying that a friend should help a friend out, build them up, and support them. While Token's stance was to make fun of him till he Mans the Fuck Up. The funny thing was while this was happening I had no idea where Ginger was. Turns out he was on the dance floor making out with a chick. The irony wasn't lost on me at all.

Needless to say the night ended with Ginger bringing a whole bunch three girls back to Token and his place. I thought one of them was cute and ended up cuddling wither he on a chair. Don't ask it worked. I walked her home and got her number. I've been chatting with her a bit, not a whole lot but men, now that I'm sober she wasn't that much of a "OMG I MUST HAVE" and more of a, I suppose that could work. Generally not inspiring me to clamor after her.

Instead I was more interested in the first girl, the one with the engaged friend. Here's the thing. I have her full name and what I thought was her number. So, I text her something smart assed and flirty. I get a "Sorry your message to ***-***-**** could not be delivered. We attempted 3 times with no answer. Please try again later." I've never received this kind of notice for delivery failure, I don't think it is from my provider. could it be from her?

Here's the question on etiquette. What do I do? Try to send to the same number again? Send her a message on Facebook? or just forget about it.

My friend Bart told me I should show up at her house and serenade her with a lute and song. I don't think that will go over well. 

I'll keep you posted.

Later Days,

PS. Oh and Vino has gotten a normal day job now and has informed me that we need to schedule dinners. Fingers crossed.

Monday, January 2, 2012

My Weekend Monday: I'm Back

Oi, fellow internet travelers... or loiterers for most of you. I'm back from my little hiatus.  I have to be honest and say that I missed you. Not a whole lot but a little. I'm excited to start the new year. I have some high hopes for this year.

For those of you that have been around since this time last year when I was on my old blog and made some new years resolutions. I'm glad to report that I kept two of them. The first was "That I won't go to Cuba this year" Well I didn't go to Cuba so that is a win for me... I guess. (this was one of those resolutions I wanted to break) The other was that I would quit smoking. Which I accomplished the last week of 2011. So still a win for me I guess.

This means that I should come up with some new ones for this year. I'm going to keep the one I want to break but modify it. "I will not go on a tropical vacation this year." They say most people fail to keep their resolutions so... I'm going to lay on a beach somewhere. Another resolution I have is to get a girlfriend. Which means I have to date and keep her around to the point that we aren't just dating but have stepped into that "relationship" zone. The next one I have is probably going to help with that last one. I want to get a body that looks like this.

Crazy, stupid, love.

I know it is possible because he used to look like this....

I'll get the inspiration wherever I can.

Alright now that the New Years crap is all taken care of I'll tell you about my little vacation.

TL;DR "It was awesome"

The sunset driving to the mountains. 

Another shot Cause I thought it was pretty.


The bottom of the hill.


The outdoor pool and hot tub at the resort we stayed at.

The top

The view

Hiking opportunity that I declined.

Another view shot.

Cool Lighting


if you look down below there is a lake... that is Lake Louise. 

the drive home

Another shot of the drive home


Those are all my pictures but I feel I didn't do it justice so here are some professional shots.

A close up of the Chateau on the Lake. (I didn't stay there, I'm way too poor for that)

Banff Springs hotel (I didn't stay here either, still too poor.)

The hot springs where I got a deep tissue massage then soaked.
It was awesome.

There was a lot of good riding on the hill, some good quality time spent with family. I also saw the Beauty and the Beast Broadway show here in Calgary on New Years Eve. 

So fantastic.
Then the drinking began and I'm still feeling it today, where I'm sitting back at my desk in my office. Woot! Here is to another fantastic year.

Later days and much love,