Friday, January 13, 2012

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Post Date Blinks.


I was for a moment. This is the perfect opportunity for me to talk about something that kind of makes me laugh and kind of makes me want to feed skinned rats to orphans. I guess you could say I have mixed feelings about it.

As I mentioned before I was supposed to have a dinner date with Vino last night and then she informed me she was inviting someone else to join us. Was she trying to set me up with a friend? Which would have been cool, but sadly no. It was another guy.

I have my theories about their relationship but I'll get to that.

First off this guy works as a cook at an Irish pub. He is a smart enough guy, a good guy. I wouldn't say attractive, but far from ugly. He is normal. He is a stoner, but I'm from the pot capital of the world, British Columbia, so I can't really judge. He is the type of guy that has never owned a suit jacket. He owns exactly one collared shirt for special occasions. He's your typical blue collar guy, destined for middle management in the hospitality industry. Don't get me wrong, still an awesome guy, just not one of the potential to be great types.

Now here is where it gets odd.

The evening starts out at Vino's place. The restaurant we were going to was right around the corner. So I show up first and we have a nice little chat. You know catch up on whats been going on and such when Zach arrives. Well we didn't pause our conversation other than to stop and say Hi. He showed up in a suit jacket and his collared shirt. Dressed up as best he could. Why, I have my theory, but I'll get to that. Anyway, he comes in and really has nothing he can contribute to the conversation. When the topic shifted we made sure that it was one he could contribute too.

We go to the restaurant, Vino and I are right in our element. We look at the drink menu and I picked out a nice valpolicella wine. She gets a martini. Zach says he'll split a half liter of wine with me, probably because he had no clue. He at one point said he was just going to order a "beer". Generic Budweiser probably. Screams class. The food was fantastic we went to Mannie's. The conversation was mostly between Vino and I but Zach tried. Overall was a nice evening spent with friends.

It was definitely not a date, but there was some interesting things happening behind the actions and some subtle undercurrents to what was going on.

Here are my theories.

Zach and Vino are sort of together. It isn't "Facebook" official, which is a topic in itself that drives me bonkers, but anyway. There was enough of a physical closeness they displayed that would encourage me to think there is/was something more than friendship there but no overt affection so still up in the air on that one.

Onto the theory of Zach's attire. He came dressed to the nines because he knows that I tend to dress nicely. I like looking respectable, what can I say. He obviously felt threatened by me which is why I'm sure he was the one that wanted to come to dinner in the first place. If he and Vino are dating it makes perfect sense.

Then there is the possibility that they aren't together and he is also vying for her affections, so he viewed it as a contest between the two of us and he didn't want to be completely outclassed so he dressed up.

The problem with everything is this, I'm not one to actually try and force the affections of another person. If Vino wants to date me she hasn't done a very good job of showing it, so I'm inclined to believe that she doesn't. Which makes Zach dressing up and looking more than a little ridiculous all the more funny.

Either way, I'm not even considering the idea that Vino and I could be anything more than just friends. Not that we wouldn't work out together but she is just playing to many games and it is way to much effort to try and wrap my head around everything. I say For Fuck's Sake, we'll just be friends.

It isn't like I don't have prospects.

Yesterday I asked a question on my twitter account. (Which if you have twitter and aren't following me, shame on you.) "So I just found out this girl I've been messaging has fibromyalgia. Am I a bad person for not wanting to date her now?"

This brought a mixed bag of comments. Some were for me bailing and some were saying I'm immature for wanting to.

A little explanation. My moniker is "Not the Hero" for a reason. I can be crass, rude, obnoxious, offensive, and sometimes even a little bit of an asshole, but some of you have seen through this facade.

The truth of the matter is, I actually care a lot about the people that deserve it, or earn it. I lack empathy for idiots and people that make poor decisions but that doesn't mean I don't care. I bend over backwards to help out those that matter to me most.

I'm worried that if I were to develop feelings for someone that has a chronic pain issue like fybromyalgia then I'd be fucked. I would want to make the pain stop. I'd want to fix it. I wouldn't be able to. I would have to sit there and watch this person I care about suffer and I'm pretty sure it would kill me.

I haven't made my decision because I honestly don't know how bad her case is and what it means to her lifestyle. If it is something that is controlled and isn't going to be much of an issue then sure I'll see where it goes.

As for the Russian, I have another date with her on Sunday. I'm kind of excited. I'll keep you informed.

Later Days,


  1. Interesting 3 pronged date situation there. I would say that your suspicions of further attachment/entanglement between vino and her other guy is probably right on, but more so that he is after her and trying to not be outdone by you. Maybe this was her idea of the dating game where she puts you side by side to help her figure out what direction she should pursue. Either way, unless she is a princess, I would say F that and tell her thanks but no thanks and not waste any further time or effort on her. If you do, it just validates her sense of self-importance and keeps encouraging her to pull her shit. Trust me, I've done it when I could get away with it a time or two.
    Hope your date with the Russian is awesome! Looking forward to the recap

  2. Yeah sounds like Vino deserves the 'just friends' category. How awkward in general.

    About the fibromyalgia thing... She probably wants someone that is ok with dealing with it anyways. If you're not, than you're just not right for each other. You're allowed to define your own limits.

  3. The Vino sitch sounds a bit lame (on her part) but I'm excited to here more about the Russian.

  4. Sorry I didn't jump on the twitter wagon. I have been neglecting that bird for a while. Anyway as a young-ish person who has lived with chronic pain and all that bs this is what I have to say on that:

    If you don't feel like you want to get in to it then don't! It is as big of a choice as getting in to a relationship with someone who has a child. Pain and pain mgmt is a huge part of our lives and it will be until the day we die. We have issues and we have to deal with them which spills over to those who are involved with us.
    Part of being a grown up is knowing when to step away, and that is a good thing.

    I am very much enjoying reading this dating journey =) Fuck Vino give her a one way ticket to the Friend Zone. Can't wait to hear about "The Russian"


  5. +7.25 Sense of Humor
    +2.83 Offered to Pay
    -4.5 Fibromyalgia
    =5.58 Compatibility

    If only things were so clearcut. Hope things work out with Vino.

  6. The situations you get yourself into. Interesting dynamics taking place there and a pretty good analysis of it I think. I am with you on the incurable illness front. I would hate to walk away but unless we were already serious and then the diagnosis came I'm not sure I could handle that emotionally/mentally as I'm also a "fixer".

  7. Oh, how funny it is as a guy who doesn't want to date a female friend, watching other guys try to date her and win over your approval.

    Also, for the people that say you're cold-hearted for not wanting to date a girl with fibromyalgia, they aren't looking at the bigger picture. As Jewels said, unless you're already very serious, you have nothing to gain from this. A relationship is about you too, so you should have your say in what you want. It's no different than saying I want a girl who doesn't smoke or I want a girl with brown hair. If you want a girl who's healthy so you don't have to worry about her all the time, I say kudos to you, man. I'm right there with you.


My frail ego requires validation.