Not the Hero: Behind the Moniker

I've been called a "Decent" guy. I'd agree with decent, but me being me I know my flaws, so that would be as good a rating as I'd give myself. I'm not a "good" guy. I'm average. ( 3.5 out of 5 stars maybe 4 on a good day) I'm too honest to be a good guy.  There is a reason why I chose "Not the Hero" as my moniker. I've been called an "asshole" more often than a "sweet heart". Though I guess it all depends on your definition.

A good guy will say you're beautiful when you aren't. I won't. (but I'd give you a hug)
He will buy you roses for an aniversary. I won't. (I'd do it on a random Thursday instead)
He will look after you while you're sick. I won't. (I'd pay a nurse to do that shit; she's better at it than me)
He will cook you your favorite meal. I won't. (I'd make you try something new)
He will have a good relationship with his mother. I don't.
He will never look at another woman after you. I will. ( I appreciate beauty, that is like buying a painting and never "looking" at another one.)
He will bend over backward to make you happy. I won't. (I'd do it just to make you smile and laugh. Your happiness is up to you.)
He will never call you a bitch. I will, if you deserve it.
He will never push your limits. I will. (you can't grow otherwise)

(Shit! I'm internal monologuing in italics again, might as well just tell the whole truth)

I'm a gentleman of sorts.
I'm the type of guy that will hold the door open for you, but tell you to hurry up.
I'll give you my coat when it is cold, just so you stop complaining. Even if it is just shivering, you're complaining with your body.
I'll pay for dinner just so it isn't awkward when the bill arrives.
I'll walk you to your door, just for a chance to kiss you.
I'll be nice to your parents, because my parents will never be nice to you.

I'm not a complete asshole.
An asshole would cheat on you. I won't.
He would hit on other girls when you're not around. I won't.
He would take advantage of you when you're drunk. I won't.
He would make fun of your friends behind your back... ok that one I would do, but I make fun of everyone.
He would lie to you. I won't.
He would get angry and yell at you. I never yell in anger. I'd only yell to scare the shit out of you as you come around a corner.

I've been described as an inigma wrapped in a puzzle. I can skateboard to work, even if I work in a three piece suit. I can go snowboarding, then cook dinner, then go to the symphony and then the night club in one day. The next weekend I'll order pizza, watch movies and play video games on the couch. I'll say it like it is, good or bad. I once said, "Ashley, You're gorgeous and all that, but the moment you open your mouth it all goes to shit."

 I don't know the exact definition of a "good guy" but I don't think I am one. Surprisingly if you search for "good guy" on Wikipedia it links you directly to the "hero" page.

hero (hirō, hērō′)
noun pl. heroes -·roes
  1. Myth, Legend a man of great strength and courage, favored by the gods (my ass) and in part descended from them, often regarded as a half-god (maybe in bed),  and worshiped after his death (that would be cool)
  2. any person, admired for courage, nobility (haha virtues), or exploits, esp. in war
  3. any person, admired for qualities or achievements and regarded as an ideal or model (the world modeled after me... oh dear)
  4. the central male character in a novel, play, poem, etc., with whom the reader or audience is supposed to sympathize (lol sympathize)
  5. the central figure in any important event or period, honored for outstanding qualities (I have no delusions that I'm a central figure)
  6. a type of sandwich

I'm more of this:
an·ti·he·ro also an·ti-he·ro (ănˈtē-hîrˌō, ănˈtī-)
noun pl. antiheroes an·ti·he·roes also an·ti-he·roes
A main character in a dramatic or narrative work who is characterized by a lack of traditional heroic qualities.

A good guy or Hero will always be there to save the day. He will make everything all better. I'm afraid that more often than I care to admit I let people down. I fail to get everything right, I'll forget something important, or I'll say something wildly inappropriate. No matter how hard I try I am just not the hero most people want.
However I guess I could be the Sandwich. Anyone know of a woman interested in dating a sandwich?