Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Growth: Been thinking.

I think it is time for another personal growth update.

As most of you know I've been dating a whole bunch as of late. The main point of this was to find someone that I may be able to form a long lasting loving relationship. The other point of dating was to work out some of my issues avoiding emotional attachments.


No I'm not. I'm really, really not. I have, however come to terms with the fact that I am the way I am. Sure I'm aware of issues that I have and can work on them when they become a problem. When being the operative word here. Let me explain.

While dating, I've met a couple different types of women which is fantastic. Firstly I'll start with Chase. Chase is emotionally distant even compared with me. Surprisingly though, this seems OK with me. Sure it was different for me at first to adjust to the fact that she isn't progressing as fast as I was used to with other women I've dated but now that I've come to terms with being on her schedule I don't mind at all. I get it now, her style of dating is more suited to me anyway. It would be absolutely perfect if we were a little more physically intimate but meh it isn't that important of a detail at the moment.

Secondly while dating Curls, who is a lovely girl, I purposely turned off my avoidance techniques to see how it would go. It went well, whenever my brain or instincts were telling me that I needed to run I would power through and ignore them. This resulted in her spending the night (no naked time) on our second date. While it was happening I was all for it, most of it. However, now that it has been a couple of days and I've let it stew in my brainspace, I know that she is the wrong type of girl for me. She is the polar opposite of Chase. She is attentive, texts often, and wants to spend a bunch load of time together. She is a huge fan of PDA which I'm really really not. Don't get me wrong I'm no PDA prude; holding hands, hugging, even the odd kiss is OK. With Curls though it was every 15 minutes she wanted to have a make-out session. I'd tell her no, or I'd give her a short kiss. She would pout playfully, till she got her way. It made me uncomfortable.

She even wanted to sit on the same side of the booth when it was just the two of us. I ... No... I don't think I'm physically able to do that.

So what have I learned from all of this. That my avoidance techniques that I've built are somewhat there to help me with comfort and screening out women that are more conducive to what I want in life.

The next thing that I came to realize over the last little while. I seem to be attracting women I'm not attracted to. Part of this is because I've been a little out of shape for ... let's just go with, awhile. How can I expect to attract the fit active women, when I look like a doughy boy? I can't, it is unrealistic of me to think so.

So I'm actually going to take the advice of many people and just let things happen on the dating front. I'm not going to push it or try and force something into place. I'm not going to over analyze myself and everything else going on. Who am I kidding, of course I am, but I'm not going to let it distract me from being me. Even more importantly I'm not going to let it distract me from being the better me.

So as far as dating goes it is probably going to slow down. I don't know what I'll write about, perhaps adventures. I could turn it into my workout/diet blog. I don't know I'm sure I'll think of somethings to write about. My life is far from boring most of the time so stay tuned.

Later Days,

Monday, November 12, 2012

My weekend Monday: Last hurrah.

I had a decently phenomenal weekend.

Friday I had my birthday party and the saying "It's my birthday I can cry if I want to." was partly true. I had a decent amount of people that were supposed to show up. They RSVP'd and everything. They didn't show. I was drunk and a little distraught at this. When I say drunk, I mean, loser pissed. My friends did a fantastic job of feeding me enough booze. I ended up having a great time but I did throw a bit of a tantrum. Which I of course had to apologize for the next day.

Chase ended up coming and actually stayed for the whole evening. I was pleasantly surprised by this. She even texted me to tell her when I got home and that I made it home safe. I was already home and asleep by then but I appreciate the sentiment. The only downside was that the whole evening is a little fuzzy, so I have no idea how mine and Chase's relationship has progressed or knowing me when I'm drunk, regressed. I will figure that out later.

Saturday was a write off. The good/bad thing about it was the Vet cancelled our date. I ended up staying home in my PJ's all day and nursing about 30 water bottles. Went to bed super early and was glad for it. This was the second date that the Vet has cancelled on me so I'm beginning to think that it just isn't going to happen. C'est la vie.

Sunday, I woke up and got ready to go out with Curls. She is most definitely interested in me. The day was good. We spend the whole day together. We started with lunch where we sampled different kinds of beer and had pizza. After which we went to the football game and drank more beer. The game was good and we had a lot of fun. We shared our first kiss when the local team won the game. So much fun we didn't want the date to end. So we went out to a pub for some snacks and more beer and a lot more kisses.

Which made me uncomfortable, but I communicated it maturely. "I'm not a huge fan of PDA." Was received with a pout, then ignored as she kept asking for kisses. "sigh"

By the time we made it back to my place, where she parked her car, she was in no shape to drive home. I told her she could stay in my bed or on the couch. She opted for my bed. We cuddled, kissed and teased. In the end though, I rolled over and went to sleep. I did have to be up early this morning. She woke me up at 2 am to let me know she was hung over as fuck. I got her some water went back to sleep. This morning wasn't awkward at all, other then she was a little hung over and felt gross. Which is understandable.

Now onto the bad news. I'm going to go sober till spring. Not dry, but sober. I'm going to be focusing on snowboarding for the winter months and drinking is going to take away from that. Dating might as well, so we'll see how it goes dating women that don't snowboard. It is a huge sticking point for me, and not something I'm going to change.

Later Days,

Friday, November 9, 2012

Holy Crap. Dating Machine!

Do I ever have a bit of things to talk about. I'll have even more after the weekend, which is why I think I should do this before it happens.

Let's start with Chase. The date we had on Monday was a bit more involved than the others before. As in we actually got out of the chairs for more than bathroom breaks. We played a bit of pool. That wasn't what made the date more interesting. No, instead I took a bolder step. Tonight I'm having my birthday party get together thing. I invited her. The conversation that followed was weird.

Chase: "I'll come, but what will you introduce me as?"

Me: "Whoa, putting me on the spot aren't you, I'll introduce you as Chase."

Chase: "but what if someone asks? Like I don't know if you ... I mean, what are we?"

Me: "We are dating."

Chase: "Well..."

Me: "Fine what would you want me to introduce you as?"

Chase: "I think we are friends that get together for drinks and dinner sometimes."

Me: "Well, I'd like to think we aren't in a relationship if that is what you're worried about, but I haven't written that off as a possibility. We are still getting to know each other, so dating; where we figure out if we are emotionally, romantically, or physically interested in each other."

Chase: "Well yea, I just don't like the term 'dating' I think it implies a certain ... I don't know."

Me: "So what are we? Seeing each other? Hanging out?, Dating?"

Chase: "I don't know..."

Me: "I'll just introduce you as Chase and if anyone asks what we are I'll say 'I don't know'. I have to go to the bathroom."

While in the bathroom it occurred to me that she may have been trying to "friendzone" me.

Me: "When you said you wanted me to introduce you as my friend were you trying to hint at that is all you want, friendship?"

Chase: "I... uhhh."

Me: "My turn to put you on the spot."

Chase: "No, that wasn't what I was hinting at, I just don't know. I didn't want things to be awkward."

So, the Chase saga continues and I still have no idea what the fuck she wants, whether it is friendship, mad passionate monkey sex or something in between. She did agree to come to my birthday. We'll see if she shows up.

Next, I went on a date with a new girl, lets call her Curls. We started chatting on Tuesday, I think, and we went out last night. It was a lot of fun, started out just as a basic coffee date and turned into dinner and drinks. We joked around, and I had another typical first date, where there was loads of conversation and laughs.

What made this kinda cool was that she was very forward with actually perusing a romantic relationship. After the date was over I get a text message from her regarding my profile. Where I hint at bonus points if they can guess the character that said my favorite quote. I'm pretty sure she cheated and Googled it but she demanded the points anyway. She asked what she could cash them in for. I told her a football ticket for Sunday. She said only if it came with a date and a kiss. Aww, how could I say no? So I now have another date with her on Sunday and I know I'm at least getting a kiss. Woot!

The Vet, contacted me a bit throughout the week and we have set up a date for tomorrow afternoon. It's the time of year that the Taboo sex show is in town. I went to it last year with the Doctor. It was a fantastic time and figure it would be a good way to transition to the more physical side of things. I suck at reading those cues and figure if the subject matter is right in front of me I might not miss them. Should be a good time.

However tonight, I think is going to be a telling point as to whether Chase and I are worth continuing on past this point or if we are going to be stuck in the platonic dating netherworld also known as the friendzone.

The Friendzone: It's like the twilight zone, but without the cool theme music or imaginative story lines. It features the "Dashboard confessional" as a soundtrack and it's only rated PG.

I'll be sure to tell you about my weekend. I may even live tweet parts of it. Follow me on twitter damn it.

Later Days,

Monday, November 5, 2012

Post Date Blinks: Vet.

As those of you that follow me on Twitter know I had a first date Saturday night. It went splendidly well.

First off I'll tell you a bit about her. She contacted me through POF. I have recently updated my profile and it seems to be working a bit better. I took out most of my about me and replaced it with a whole bunch of nothing really. I don't get it but it seems to be working. I've been contacted way more since I changed it. It reads like this: (the old one is here)

I'd like to think I'm a well rounded individual with normal aspirations, then I talk to other people and the goal of riding an armored unicorn into combat, wielding excalibur isn't as common as I thought. 

In actuality I'm a pretty normal guy just looking for love. If I find it awesome, if not I'll survive. I'd really like someone I can go snowboarding with this winter. I'm planning on riding a lot. Even if there is no romantic interest I'm always looking for people to go to the hill with.

Other than snowboarding, I like a good beer with good company.

Favorite quote: "In a universe so full of wonder and amazing things, humans have managed to invent boredom." Terry Pratchett. If you can name the character that said it you get bonus points.

If you're interested in getting to know me a little more feel free to send me a message.

So far the ladies seem to love the unicorn part. Apparently completely showing my random nature is better than full disclosure. Who knew? 

Anyway she contacted me, we had a couple messages back and forth of witty banter and getting to know each other a bit and I took the leap and asked her out, within hours of first contact. We met, and I was a little disappointed that her pictures didn't give the full nature of her voluptuous stature. I love a woman with curves though and as the night wore on I found that my first reaction was true. She is cute, super cute.

We had great conversation and found that we have some things in common. Not a whole lot though because for the last seven years of her life she has been focusing on school. Fair enough, I just hope that when she is done, ie next spring, that she may develop some more hobbies and the such that are in line with my own. Hard to say after just one date. She was intellectually stimulating as her education is completely different than mine so we ended up being able to chat for hours. Eventually though it was getting late so we finished up the date, I walked her to the car, we hugged and I asked her if I could see her again this week. We agreed on a movie night. She just needed to check her schedule to make sure it would work.

When I got home I had a text from her saying she had a great evening. Overall: I'd do it again. 

One thing though, I'm learning that my skills as a conversationalist may be skewing my sense of how successful the date is. I mean I can talk for hours to just about anyone. I may be over gratifying how successful the dates are based on something that I would succeed at regardless with whom I'm on the date with. I guess only time will tell. 

My question to the lady readers I have: "How successful would you rate a date where he makes you laugh, and time flies because of good conversation? Is there other key factors I'm not taking into account? (ie physical contact, as I'm not good at reading non-verbal cues.) 

Lastly an update on Chase. I have a date with her tonight. I have a feeling it isn't going to go anywhere; not on my account but on hers. Hopefully there is a bit more development here and that we don't just end up platonically dating. I have no idea how to progress the dating to be more intimate when I know she is adverse to mushy shit.

As always I appreciate the comments, they're my crystal meth. If you want to have a conversation feel free to tweet at me or send me a message on my facebook page. I will definitely respond.

Later Days,

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Go with the Flow

When you go with the flow, you end up in a sanitary sewer... I think that's how that saying goes.

The thing with Chase is over. I haven't heard from her in a week. Mind you, I haven't sent her anything since Sunday but I would think 3 texts over 3 days from me is enough. She's done. I'm not that surprised or even disappointed  I learned a few things about myself and dating her. It didn't really sink into my brainskull area till I was talking to a friend about her relationship.

I went into dating Chase knowing we didn't really have anything in common other than we were people, liked beer and food, and presumably sex. Never got that far. After the first date, and reading the book I figured out that she was even more avoidant than I am. So what exactly did I learn? 

Firstly, the go with the flow part up top is true. If you go with the flow you end up where you end up. In life, and dating, especially dating, you need to have a rudder. I think people get so excited that they are going on a date with someone that they find attractive that common interests go out the window. This got me to thinking, I'm dating to find someone that I can form a long lasting relationship with right. I mean I enjoy dating for the sake of dating as long as the conversation is good  but that isn't my end goal.  I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. Marriage? Meh, maybe if she wants it. So what do I want in a long lasting relationship? I know I posted something like this before so Let's revisit it. The full thing is here.

the juicy stuff is this.

What I want from a woman.

  • intelligence, I think this is by far the most important thing. 
  • knowledge, this is something that came up on the date. I don't want to have to explain everything. In fact I'd like to learn from her. 
  • to be attracted to her. This is pretty self explanatory. 
  • her to be passionate, about anything. 
  • her to have life goals, generally just progressing through life
  • a sense of humor
  • love
  • trust
  • respect
  • all the usual stuff that comes from a healthy relationship
  • her to not want children
I want to go over this list again. Firstly "intelligence" I think this doesn't apply nearly as much as it used to. I simply require someone with curiosity and ability to hold a conversation.

 "Knowledge" seems like even less of a requirement than intelligence. I like talking and explaining things, I just don't want to have to explain things multiple times.

"Attractive" yup still vitally important. One thing I've learned since publishing this first post is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My standards are not necessarily high or low, they sure are unique though. 

"Passion" After dating for the past year and a bit this holds truer than before. Holly mother of god there are some boring people out there, with no drive determination or passion about anything. I find it a little bit unattractive. This isn't necessarily a deal breaker though as long as she is capable of passion. 

"Goals" This one is also important but not nearly as much as before. The longer I spend in adulthood the more I realize people have no fucking clue what they are doing. Myself included. If you were to ask me what my 5 year plan is, it's be vague and filled with rough guesstimates. 

"Humor" No shit. Must be able to laugh at just about anything because I say some pretty offensive shit at times. 

"Love, trust, respect," Pretty much one and the same and all reliant on each other. Pretty self explanatory as well. If it isn't, we have bigger issues. 

"Childless and no plans on pushing one out." Yup still there. I went to a grocery store on a Sunday afternoon and that was enough to remind me that No I really don't want children.

Looking back I wasn't too far off. I was lacking though. Something that other people have said isn't that big of an issue. Common interests. Every single girl I've dated in the last year has had a grand total of zero of my major interests in common. I know it isn't mandatory but it definitely makes it easier. I'd even be willing to have a secondary thing in common, like video games. I think this goes back to the passion thing. Most of the women I've dated never had an interest in much of anything, The Doctor did but that is now coming up on a full year ago. The rest had nothing that they could identify as a hobby. It is becoming more and more apparent as I try and communicate with women from dating sites. There is a fuckload of boring people out there. 

The next thing I want to throw out there as a thing to take into consideration is life goals. Do you want to live in a city, on an acreage, in a condo, or a house, own a dog, or a cat, and so on. So here is my life goals. These things tend do be fluid and change as you progress through life.

I don't want a house, I'm more than fine with minimalist living in a condo. I'd much rather less clutter than owning stuff. This doesn't stop you from owning toys like quads, a boat, and the like, it just means you have to store it. Shucks.

I'm more of a dog person than a cat. I don't hate cats but if I had a condo and only one pet was allowed it would be a dog.

I plan on living in the city, I have zero desire to move outside to the suburbs or to any of the neighbouring towns.

I enjoy beer, wine, liquor, fine food and the rest of the culinary delights.

I one day plan on having both season tickets to the Calgary Flames, and the Calgary philharmonic orchestra.

I want to travel, but I want to be able to afford it as well as the rest of the things I want in life. It isn't all that high on my priorities which seems odd to almost everyone I talk to.

I mean how fucking hard should it be to find someone that matches some of these traits and needs. Lately all I've been finding and dating are polar opposites of this.

I know the type of women I want exist, I read their blogs all the time. I haven't given up hope but I am getting pretty flabbergasted.

Later Days,