Growth: Been thinking.

I think it is time for another personal growth update.

As most of you know I've been dating a whole bunch as of late. The main point of this was to find someone that I may be able to form a long lasting loving relationship. The other point of dating was to work out some of my issues avoiding emotional attachments.

I'm CURED.

No I'm not. I'm really, really not. I have, however come to terms with the fact that I am the way I am. Sure I'm aware of issues that I have and can work on them when they become a problem. When being the operative word here. Let me explain.

While dating, I've met a couple different types of women which is fantastic. Firstly I'll start with Chase. Chase is emotionally distant even compared with me. Surprisingly though, this seems OK with me. Sure it was different for me at first to adjust to the fact that she isn't progressing as fast as I was used to with other women I've dated but now that I've come to terms with being on her schedule I don't mind at all. I get it now, her style of dating is more suited to me anyway. It would be absolutely perfect if we were a little more physically intimate but meh it isn't that important of a detail at the moment.

Secondly while dating Curls, who is a lovely girl, I purposely turned off my avoidance techniques to see how it would go. It went well, whenever my brain or instincts were telling me that I needed to run I would power through and ignore them. This resulted in her spending the night (no naked time) on our second date. While it was happening I was all for it, most of it. However, now that it has been a couple of days and I've let it stew in my brainspace, I know that she is the wrong type of girl for me. She is the polar opposite of Chase. She is attentive, texts often, and wants to spend a bunch load of time together. She is a huge fan of PDA which I'm really really not. Don't get me wrong I'm no PDA prude; holding hands, hugging, even the odd kiss is OK. With Curls though it was every 15 minutes she wanted to have a make-out session. I'd tell her no, or I'd give her a short kiss. She would pout playfully, till she got her way. It made me uncomfortable.

She even wanted to sit on the same side of the booth when it was just the two of us. I ... No... I don't think I'm physically able to do that.

So what have I learned from all of this. That my avoidance techniques that I've built are somewhat there to help me with comfort and screening out women that are more conducive to what I want in life.

The next thing that I came to realize over the last little while. I seem to be attracting women I'm not attracted to. Part of this is because I've been a little out of shape for ... let's just go with, awhile. How can I expect to attract the fit active women, when I look like a doughy boy? I can't, it is unrealistic of me to think so.

So I'm actually going to take the advice of many people and just let things happen on the dating front. I'm not going to push it or try and force something into place. I'm not going to over analyze myself and everything else going on. Who am I kidding, of course I am, but I'm not going to let it distract me from being me. Even more importantly I'm not going to let it distract me from being the better me.

So as far as dating goes it is probably going to slow down. I don't know what I'll write about, perhaps adventures. I could turn it into my workout/diet blog. I don't know I'm sure I'll think of somethings to write about. My life is far from boring most of the time so stay tuned.

Later Days,
Hero