Thursday, November 1, 2012

Go with the Flow

When you go with the flow, you end up in a sanitary sewer... I think that's how that saying goes.

The thing with Chase is over. I haven't heard from her in a week. Mind you, I haven't sent her anything since Sunday but I would think 3 texts over 3 days from me is enough. She's done. I'm not that surprised or even disappointed  I learned a few things about myself and dating her. It didn't really sink into my brainskull area till I was talking to a friend about her relationship.

I went into dating Chase knowing we didn't really have anything in common other than we were people, liked beer and food, and presumably sex. Never got that far. After the first date, and reading the book I figured out that she was even more avoidant than I am. So what exactly did I learn? 

Firstly, the go with the flow part up top is true. If you go with the flow you end up where you end up. In life, and dating, especially dating, you need to have a rudder. I think people get so excited that they are going on a date with someone that they find attractive that common interests go out the window. This got me to thinking, I'm dating to find someone that I can form a long lasting relationship with right. I mean I enjoy dating for the sake of dating as long as the conversation is good  but that isn't my end goal.  I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. Marriage? Meh, maybe if she wants it. So what do I want in a long lasting relationship? I know I posted something like this before so Let's revisit it. The full thing is here.

the juicy stuff is this.

What I want from a woman.

  • intelligence, I think this is by far the most important thing. 
  • knowledge, this is something that came up on the date. I don't want to have to explain everything. In fact I'd like to learn from her. 
  • to be attracted to her. This is pretty self explanatory. 
  • her to be passionate, about anything. 
  • her to have life goals, generally just progressing through life
  • a sense of humor
  • love
  • trust
  • respect
  • all the usual stuff that comes from a healthy relationship
  • her to not want children
I want to go over this list again. Firstly "intelligence" I think this doesn't apply nearly as much as it used to. I simply require someone with curiosity and ability to hold a conversation.

 "Knowledge" seems like even less of a requirement than intelligence. I like talking and explaining things, I just don't want to have to explain things multiple times.

"Attractive" yup still vitally important. One thing I've learned since publishing this first post is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My standards are not necessarily high or low, they sure are unique though. 

"Passion" After dating for the past year and a bit this holds truer than before. Holly mother of god there are some boring people out there, with no drive determination or passion about anything. I find it a little bit unattractive. This isn't necessarily a deal breaker though as long as she is capable of passion. 

"Goals" This one is also important but not nearly as much as before. The longer I spend in adulthood the more I realize people have no fucking clue what they are doing. Myself included. If you were to ask me what my 5 year plan is, it's be vague and filled with rough guesstimates. 

"Humor" No shit. Must be able to laugh at just about anything because I say some pretty offensive shit at times. 

"Love, trust, respect," Pretty much one and the same and all reliant on each other. Pretty self explanatory as well. If it isn't, we have bigger issues. 

"Childless and no plans on pushing one out." Yup still there. I went to a grocery store on a Sunday afternoon and that was enough to remind me that No I really don't want children.

Looking back I wasn't too far off. I was lacking though. Something that other people have said isn't that big of an issue. Common interests. Every single girl I've dated in the last year has had a grand total of zero of my major interests in common. I know it isn't mandatory but it definitely makes it easier. I'd even be willing to have a secondary thing in common, like video games. I think this goes back to the passion thing. Most of the women I've dated never had an interest in much of anything, The Doctor did but that is now coming up on a full year ago. The rest had nothing that they could identify as a hobby. It is becoming more and more apparent as I try and communicate with women from dating sites. There is a fuckload of boring people out there. 

The next thing I want to throw out there as a thing to take into consideration is life goals. Do you want to live in a city, on an acreage, in a condo, or a house, own a dog, or a cat, and so on. So here is my life goals. These things tend do be fluid and change as you progress through life.

I don't want a house, I'm more than fine with minimalist living in a condo. I'd much rather less clutter than owning stuff. This doesn't stop you from owning toys like quads, a boat, and the like, it just means you have to store it. Shucks.

I'm more of a dog person than a cat. I don't hate cats but if I had a condo and only one pet was allowed it would be a dog.

I plan on living in the city, I have zero desire to move outside to the suburbs or to any of the neighbouring towns.

I enjoy beer, wine, liquor, fine food and the rest of the culinary delights.

I one day plan on having both season tickets to the Calgary Flames, and the Calgary philharmonic orchestra.

I want to travel, but I want to be able to afford it as well as the rest of the things I want in life. It isn't all that high on my priorities which seems odd to almost everyone I talk to.

I mean how fucking hard should it be to find someone that matches some of these traits and needs. Lately all I've been finding and dating are polar opposites of this.

I know the type of women I want exist, I read their blogs all the time. I haven't given up hope but I am getting pretty flabbergasted.

Later Days,


  1. My friend, is IS hard to find that one, but you're right in thinking she's out there, imo. Keep looking, or stop and just enjoy yourself for a while. I'd bet you find her when you least expect to.

  2. Hero we should go on a date....just sayin.

  3. After reading this post, I was going to ask why you DON'T date some of the bloggers you've been keeping up on?
    And then I saw Rebeccc(I'm not typing out all those damn C's)a's comment.
    I've met up with exactly two fellow bloggers and it was awesome both times. Mind you, it wasn't for a date but still. Why not give it a shot?

  4. I can't say I didn't see the end coming with Chase. As for your wish's not impossible at all. You are SO far ahead of things you don't even realize it. Knowing what you want, your sticking points, and where you won't compromise is essential. Too many people never fully realize them and end up in relationships that don't really work.

    Your needs/wants aren't unrealistic, unreasonable, or picky. They are what most everyone wants. I'd go as far to as to say they aren't far off from my own and that last one is the one I have the most trouble matching up with. Kids is a strong YES/NO for most people and most guys I meet are pro-kids and they just aren't in the cards for me.

    Anyway...she's out there. You'll find her but until then...just have fun and enjoy the ride.

  5. I agree with Jewels, you are way ahead of the curve in knowing what you want and who you are, and more importantly, who you aren't. As you know, I have dated for many, many reasons and I always find what I am looking for at the time, sometimes it's a relationship, sometimes is just recreation. Don't compromise on your major points, no one wins in that case, you just end up resenting someone for not loving you for who you really are.
    We would have hot sex and have really fantastic dinners/drinks together, but beyond that, I'm not a fan of cold or sports that require me to be covered in snow, so it would probably not work out with me...other than the sex and food part.


My frail ego requires validation.