Monday, October 17, 2011

My weekend Monday: Road Trip

As I mentioned in my Friday post I was going on a road trip this weekend. It was amazing. I did absolutely nothing but relax and have sex. I guess there was some playing with the dogs and feeding ducks in there too but you get the idea.

Rea's back living with her parents and this is awesome because her parents are good people. Her dad is one of few people I wouldn't want to mess with. He used to be a very mean and aggressive person that rode a motorbike and beat people with pool sticks. Now, however, he looks like a biker on vacation in Hawaii, flower shirt and all. He tells jokes and has some awesome stories.

I'm not going to go into to much detail about the sex but, as usual, it was good and very frequent.

Instead I'm going to focus on the 12 hours I spent behind the wheel of my car. I haven't done a lot of driving anywhere but in Canada and I'm going to give you a run down on why falling asleep is never really an option while driving in the Canadian mountains. The one and only reason outside of actually paying attention to the road is something called wildlife. We have a shit tonne of it up here.

The drive took place at night both directions. I drive better at night, when I don't have to worry about other shitty drivers on the road. When the Moon was out it was a very bright night indeed but when driving in narrow valleys and shadowed hills the moon wasn't always around to lend me some extra light. Instead you rely on your headlights and high beams, and the reflective properties of eyeballs.

Driving in the pitch black night doing 70 miles an hour you don't have a lot of time to be scanning the ditches for vague shapes of animals and eventually you'll drive yourself crazy thinking random lumps of dirt are deer. Instead you look for little glowing eyeballs, which then help you recognize the shape of a larger animal.

I'll give you a run down of all the animals I saw on this trip.

I saw 1 of these. It's a Coyote, the one I saw was dead. 

3 of these things (elk) they would of fucked up my car if they  were any dumber.
I saw too many of these do count, close to 30. All alive and oblivious to my horn.

I saw only one of these. It's a moose, and they are very very large.
The words "Holy Fuck moose" escaped my lips and were the only words I spoke the entire drive.
This was due to the fact I didn't see it till it was beside my car window.
(PS. that is a single lane dirt road in the pic, for scaling purposes)

I didn't see this little fucker but I knew one was close by and dead... recently.
I thought I saw a bear too but no guarantees so I won't count it. Needless to say I had an interesting drive. 

Oh and Vino wanted to hang out while I was in BC... shitty, I'll have to reschedule. 

Later Days,

PS. I saw a wild hipster too but he was in the safety of a 7-11 so I couldn't swerve to hit him.
fucking hipsters!!!!


  1. Haha, "wild hipster". This time he was in the safety of a 7-11, I wonder what his "natural habitat" would be considered?

  2. That is easy, non-corporate coffee shops and cafes or derelict parks where they can have philosophic talks with the homeless.

  3. WOW That moose is so cool! And fucking massive! I am so jealous, I want to see that!

  4. Though I never see them, coyotes surround my house, howling and growling over their kill. That moose is freakin huge! Glad you had a good trip, with bountiful sex!

  5. Fucking hipsters is right. You should have hit him. Repeatedly.

  6. A wild hipster appears!

    NtH uses "Metal!" It's super effective!

    Sounds like a fun trip. Are you two officially getting back together, or was it more of a 'bump and run?'

  7. When exactly does the wild hipster hunting season start...because I'm all in on thinning the herd!

  8. Ok, the coyotes in Canada look a lot healthier than the ones down south. But good on ya! Glad you had a nice trip. : )

  9. Nature likes to walk in front of my car as well, I thought it was just me. I actually had a big ass hawk fly into my driver's side window while i was doing 75 on the interstate, that bird had to TRY to hit me, for reals. Glad you and the mooose avoided a head on, I think the moose would win for sure. And as for the hipster? shame he was in 7-11..
    Oh and congrats on the good and frequent sex...that's a win.

  10. Relaxation and sex? That's 2 of my favorite things!


My frail ego requires validation.