I rarely ever post about my doubts and quandaries but I'm going to tell you one that I had a while ago.
It was about Vino.
This may be the reason that nothing has worked out so far, but whatever.
I didn't ever expect it to work out with her. I doubted it from the very beginning. She has a lot of the qualities that I'm looking for in a girl but has some glaring traits that make me go, "It'd be better if she didn't do that."
Ipenka brought it up in a comment that Vino is a waitress and works the random schedules that people in that industry work. I know this. I used to work in the same industry. This is one of the things that made me have doubts. Conflicting schedules in this busy world rarely makes for a happy dating life. She has maybe 2 days off a week and because she works evenings she is usually going to be busy on those days.
She, like me, is quite a riot and loves to go out and have a good time. This isn't so much of an issue except because she works in the industry she does, she can do it every night of the week. I know this because I used to do the same thing.
There are a couple other things as well but it doesn't really matter. I had my doubts from the beginning and so far I've been proven right about every one of them.
I guess this would explain why I'm not upset, sad or perturbed in any way shape or form. I was right. It sucks.
I guess you can say I went in guarded. Which may have helped me not get hurt but may have also hampered my probability of success as well.
I've been told that there is a way to break down the barriers, fences, brick walls, razor wire, and bunkers we build up around our hearts to protect us from being hurt, and then allow us to reach out and
Apparently you have to open yourself up and have a look at the squishy side of your psyche. I'm sure I have one, somewhere. I think it is kind of like the painting you got from your cousin in the mental institution; you keep it but you don't ever take it out to show your guests.
Well I'm going to take out that painting and share it all with you.
OK I took another look at the painting and... the genitals mixed with what I'm hoping is sherbet is most off putting so instead I'll show you my squishy side.
This is a love letter to my future wife/woman/girlfriend/harem/concubine/you get the idea.
(Remember that Italics are like whispers.)
To the love of my life:
Sometimes I wonder if you actually exist. I wonder where you are and why I haven't found you. Then after I'm done wondering, I think to myself; You are out and about living your life, having adventures and getting stories to share. After all, I have my stories to tell, you should have yours.
I look forward to actually meeting you and falling in love with your quirks. Don't try and claim you don't have any, because you do. Everyone does. I know I have mine, and I hope you can love me in spite of them. I can be a little bit sarcastic and remarkably inappropriate but I'd like to think that my heart is in the right place. I know I don't have dextrocardia, instead I mean, even if I'm being an asshole it is probably just a self defense mechanism. I really do care, I just suck at showing it. I'm honest to a fault but I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. There are more but what I'm trying to say is; I know I'm not perfect and I don't expect you to be.
There will be a time when things don't look like they are going to last. We will fight and have our disagreements, but I know that I'm willing to push through them and make it work if you are. I can't do it alone. I don't want to have to do it alone.
I want you to know that I don't care about your past mistakes. They are part of what makes you into the beautiful person that you are. I don't want you to hide them either. You should feel completely free to tell me anything. I'm not one to judge. I've got my fair share of mistakes as well.
Lastly I want to tell you that you should hurry up and let me find you. You're missing out on some pretty amazing sex. If you need a little while longer I understand, but I am not getting any younger.