First my weekend was very quiet for me. I mean "VERY" quiet.
After work on friday I was supposed to go to something called the Decentralized Dance Party. Which looked like a ton of fun. Basically a party with a DJ that just roams the streets and everyone dances and acts like an idiot. Would be perfect for me right?
I wouldn't know. I never made it there. I go over to Vegas's place and between to 2 of us we managed to finish a decent sized bottle of Kraken rum.
|In an hour...|
We went and played on a playground/jungle gym thing. I sprained my ankle.
End of night.
I awoke Saturday morning and did my morning stretch. I subsequently cried out in pain and if my pillow had feelings it wouldn't want to be friends anymore. I bit it. I actually thought I may have broken something.
Eventually I got to a point that I was able to hobble around. Instead of going to the hospital I went to work. Working on a Saturday? Yes I needed to make up some hours so that I could have Tuesday morning off to go to a job interview that has the potential to be a dream job.
After working for a couple hours I left. I went to Vegas's place; we ate Pho. I love Pho. If you don't know what Pho is... get some culture.
We watched a half season of Sons of Anarchy. Which if you haven't seen, you should.
I then hobbled home and went to sleep.
Sunday I got a haircut.
Then I went for dinner with some friends. Where the topic of ASPD came up.
ASPD is Anti-social personality disorder. (sociopathic tendencies)
Antisocial Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
- failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
- deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
- impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
- irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
- reckless disregard for safety of self or others; .
- consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
- lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
If they have a decent level of intelligence, they fully recognize that certain acts are illegal or looked down upon by others, and, since that only makes trouble for themselves, they avoid those things. In other words, most antisocials are rational.
Lets take a look at some of these traits/symptoms/red flags.
First one: failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
Umm... Parasol and bribing a homeless guy. If those don't bring up the right memories go back and read about my summer.
Second one: deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
I use an alias every time I post on here but I don't think that is what they are talking about. This one I don't think applies to me.
Third one: impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
Yea I'm not even going to try and pretend that this doesn't apply to me. If it did my finances would be a hell of a lot better and I wouldn't have to be working two jobs.
Forth one: irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
I've only been in 2 fights this year; that doesn't count, does it?
Fifth one: reckless disregard for safety of self or others.
I was playing in traffic last week, I sprained my ankle this week. I picked up a person and put them in potted plant.
Sixth one: consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
I have to work a second job to make ends meet. My credit rating sucks enough ass it could work as a colon cleanser.
Seventh one: lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
Lack of remorse... I don't think I've ever felt bad. Of course I've never actually seriously hurt someone that didn't deserve it but that could just be rationalizing it.
The last thing that may be my saving grace. I'm usually drunk whenever I show any or all of these traits. That could either be because when I'm sober I'm more rational and logical about the decisions I make, or I am just a drunk. I've been told by many people I lack empathy even when I'm sober. Which is the ultimate trait.
In any case I've had too much time to sit and think about things. I need to keep myself busier.
So what if I am a functioning sociopath. I have friends and family who understand me. I can feel love and be loved. This is where it gets tricky some sources say that people with ASPD can't feel love and others say they can. There is a sub-class in ASPD called dis-social personality disorder. Which is like a step down from the insane side of the spectrum and into the more normal functioning side of it. I guess it is possible I have that. Worse there is no treatment for it.
I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist. My friend that I went out to dinner with is and she thinks I show several of the traits.
What do you think? Am I a sociopath or am I just a rambunctious? I think I'm just rambunctious. (fucking rationalization being one of the traits... I can't fucking win.)
I'm having a bad day.