Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hung over Monday: I suck at sober edition.

Well here I am on a Tuesday doing a hung over Monday post that I said I would never do again. I do understand how much "fail" is now painted on my forehead. (a lot)

Why is this post titled hung over Monday, especially when I could just title it my weekend Monday and might get away with none of you readers calling me out? Well because I know you, and you'd call me out.

Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.

To be honest Friday I felt sick. I was running a fever and probably should have been home in bed. I wasn't. Vino, the chick from before, invited me out for a drink at the other bar she works at. I happen to love this bar.

The bar was dead. By 11:30 I was the only customer left on the upper level. Yea, I know jumping place. That was OK though. I got to spend a lot of time with Vino. We were then invited out to an after party with a bunch of the staff from the bar. We sat around and chatted debated and generally had a good time.

I woke up in a strange place, all alone, on a hide-a-bed. (this right here is why you'd call me out on the title.)

It was OK. I was just at the house where the after party was. Did I mention it was also 2 in the afternoon?

Oh I also couldn't find my phone.

I did say I wasn't going to drink right? Yeah, the plan wasn't to get drunk because I was sick and was just going to stop by, say hi to Vino, have one beer, then go home to bed. I suck at sober.


After waking up on Saturday in a strange place. I went home where I watched an episode of "Breaking Bad".

On a side note, you know how hard it is to keep up with TV when you work two jobs and have a drinking problem?

After I finished the episode of breaking bad I fell asleep, till around 7 pm. I had my phone by this point and was trying to decide how to go about getting back to all the people that had messaged me. I said fuck it I'll text them all back at once, completely ignoring all previous texts.

"What doing?"

What I think is disconcerting is no one really asked where I was for the last day. Everyone just continued on as if this was normal.

It turns out it was Ginger's birthday weekend. I'm a terrible friend because I didn't know this.

After I get up out of bed and got some food I head over to Token and Ginger's place. Where we played drinking games. Eventually everyone decides it is time to go out. I wasn't planning on this so I'm dressed like a homeless guy. I could have rocked the hipster look but decided to borrow some of Token's clothes. They were too small but I was going to rock it anyway.

We arrive at the night club and Junior doesn't have his ID. So he isn't going in. I wasn't feeling it so I left with him. We go back to his place to watch a movie. I was asleep within about 20 minutes.

Sunday... Oh Sunday funday I love long weekends just for this very reason.

Ginger, Token, Junior and I all decide that it is going to be a day of shooting the shit out of each other. So we wake up go out to a neighboring town and play some paintball. So much fun.

NTH, Junior, Token

Because it was Ginger's Birthday we got a whole bunch of people together and made him run while everyone shot at him. It was glorious.

Those would be the resulting welts.

There were also free hot dogs. I think the paintball place lost money on us. 

After we went paint balling we went and sat on a patio to drink. Ginger went home and cried himself to sleep because he was being a little cry baby and being all tired and shit. We decided to celebrate his birthday without him. 

The rest of the evening was filled me me doing the "shuffle" from party rock anthem, no where near the dance floor. I suck at sober, but I'm awesome Drunk. 

I probably said hi to every single girl that was at the bar, twice. 

I got a couple girls numbers. However because I was a little intoxicated. I am missing 2 digits from one of them. The other I've been texting and I'll keep you posted as to where that goes. 


 I had Pho, or Vietnamese noodle soup for lunch. Best hang over food ever by the way. Then worked my other job went home and had probably the worst sleep ever. 

I'll write a post about my dating profile tomorrow for What the Fuck Wednesdays. 

As for now. 

Later days.

PS. I'm proud that I didn't do anything illegal all weekend.

PPS. Oh yea, there was a drunk tweet I sent and I have no recollection or context. "If you can dodge a car you can dodge anal sex."


  1. Sober is stupid and boring and caused the Holocaust. Drunk is awesome and wangworthy and makes Jesus look like a total douchebag.

  2. "If you can dodge a car you can dodge anal sex." Wise words. Wise words indeed hahahaha.

  3. Oh shit, I can't dodge a car... eeeep!

    Sounds like fun, not only with the paintball but at the bar. I haven't had a marker in my hand in ages... but then again, I haven't had bruises like THAT in ages...

  4. Thank God I can dodge cars! Hilarious. I am sure you don't totally suck at sober...it's just that drunk is so much more fun. Sounds like you were at least a responsible drunk since you didn't piss in any cop cars...that is a step in the right direction.

  5. The random tweet was from the conversation we had on Sunday

  6. Stories are more entertaining when drinking is involved. Now that don't mean drink render your liver useless just to have stories to tell! Just dodge cars and drink responsibly!

  7. I suck at sober, too. But I find drinking at home to be much cheaper and I'm less likely to do anything that might involve the police. I have to go on record and say I feel bad for Ginger getting beat to shit during his birthday season. He should have been allowed to line you all up and shoot to his birthday-heart's content. You Canadians do birthday wrong. But I say that with a lot of love in my heart.

  8. Haha, any night where you wake up in a random place is blog worthy.

    Definitely agree that Pho is the best hang over food!

  9. Sunday Fundays always lead to a hungover Monday.


My frail ego requires validation.