Tonight I just went on my very first date resulting from meeting on an online dating site. I don't know if it is because I haven't actually had to do the post date thought blitz where I sit and gaze at nothing in particular and go over the date again in my head while, (blinking not nearly often enough so you become aware you aren't blinking enough), but I am struggling to come to a conclusion on this. Should I be deciding right now? I don't know, I'm new at this.
What is the "this" I'm talking about? Whether I want to see her again or not.
So I'm going to write it out and take you on the journey if you don't like it I don't care. My Blog. So just so you know this is first reaction decision making. I haven't had a couple hours to really figure this out. You are getting stream of conciousness style decision making. I ask for forgiveness for rambling in advance.
The positives, yea I'll start with the positives.
She was a
We talked about life as it is, I told her that I work two jobs. Explained my career, my education, so on and so forth. I learned that she works as a quality assurance person for a bank. Does this mean numbers? No. Sadly it means she makes sure the banks rules are followed. Not the technical side of it. No she checks to make sure they have the right brochures out. Makes sure that they have the correct addresses for the new clients. She works on the corporate side of banking. Now I'm sure this position may be higher then teller, but I'm almost positive that there wasn't a post secondary degree or diploma hanging on the wall of her office.
Now I'm not saying that the lack of education is a deal breaker because it isn't. I've dated some remarkably intelligent women that haven't went to school. This wasn't the only glaring example she gave of lack of knowledge, not intellect she had intellect, no she lacked knowledge. She didn't know how an to make a magnet out of wire iron and current. She didn't know how to change her oil, and had to learn the hard way how to check her oil (she overfilled it). I'm not saying she was stupid, far from it. I didn't have to explain one word I used. I had to tell her that "light year" was a measure of distance not time, She asked for the number of kilometers... I just gave reference to the amount of time it takes light to get to earth from the sun. This was when the enormity of the universe collapsed on her brain and she told me I make her think and she likes it.
She wasn't as attractive as I was expecting her to be from her photos but I've been told that is what I should expect. She wasn't unattractive but I'm not entirely sure she gets me going.
On top of this she wants children which is something that I don't necessarily want but I'm only firm on that, not necessarily written in stone. It may at some point in my life be negotiable.
The way this is sounding I shouldn't be going on another date with her. I've been asked now a couple times by friends and family how the date went. I answered with a "Meh". We had a great deal in common, I had fun, I was sad it was over so soon, but apparently that is normal for her. The date ended at 11. I know that is late but it is a Saturday. The pub we were at turned into a bit of a party place which was part of my plan but I knew without asking she wasn't a party kind of girl so I suggested that we retire to a different location, but because we weren't in my neighborhood I left the next location for her to decide ( we were in hers), she couldn't come up with anything and when she saw what time it was she said she had to be up for yoga in "oh gosh, eight hours"
The more I write this out the more I find I was disappointed in this date.
She was very enamored with me I will say. She couldn't stop touching me, and was very happy when I put my arm around her for a photo the bar wanted to take of us for it's Facebook page. She also spent about 90% of the evening smiling ear to ear. I know she thinks it was a good date, because I did genuinely enjoy myself but I don't know if it was enough to earn another date.
I don't know if she can redeem herself, or if I should give her a second chance.
This being said, I have one girl that hasn't responded to my message from 3 days ago so I'm going to guess that that one is out of the picture, but have received a message from probably the best looking girl to message me yet so I have responding to that message to do and actually start messaging the ones that I find attractive and interesting.
I hate to say it but I'm going to put this in the "If I have nothing better to do I'll give her another chance". I sound like an asshole for that. If I have nothing planned for the weekend by Thursday I'll be asking her to go out again. (this being said I rarely have anything planned until after work and I have a beer in my hand, Friday.)
I'll keep you posted.
Later Days,
NTH
You guys talked about gravitational blah blah blah?
ReplyDeleteNERDS.
Anyway, I think you should give her a second chance. If a date is "Meh," it's always good to go for a second, to see if this progress to "Bad" or "Good."
retrogresses/progresses*
ReplyDeleteTo be totally honest I have used that 'excuse' before that I have to get up in the morning and end the date, just being honest. But I have also just gone on other dates for something to do when I have nothing planned! I would say give her another go because I have lost a few good men on rubbish first dates. If the second one is the same then you know or you might be suprised and pleased you went!
ReplyDeleteAnd...she talked about geek stuff with you and loved it, come on, that has to be a plus! : )
I disagree - If this were me (and since we are the same person, it might be), I wouldn't go again. I've been on this date before. Here. And I mishandled a similar situation here.
ReplyDeleteKey thing is that the date seemed to go well - you're just two different people. Role-playing Professor and Student can be fun - but do you want that to be your ENTIRE relationship?
I don't think you are an asshole at all for putting her aside. There needs to be enough of a connection to warrant spending more time with her. Your time is money, baby, money! Anyway. I think you know pretty quickly if there is a connection there or not. She was bound to have some positives for her and bound to have some negatives and if you found that the cons outweighed the pros then your conclusion is a logical one. Good luck with the other lady you are talking to...and don't give up on the one who hasn't responded yet...not everyone checks that often.
ReplyDeleteThe Quality Assurance thing is hard to quantify. Is she really passionate about that? If so, you'd have to decide how you feel about that. Is she doing it because she got laid off from another career and it was a job that paid the bills in the meantime? That's different. General dating advice suggests a second date, just to give things a chance. I'm of the opinion that unless you really think you two might have more in common than it appears, going on a second date would just give her false hopes, if she's really into you. Oh, and the "don't take it seriously" comment on Twitter from Miss Daydream? I think she meant, by not putting too much pressure on each date to be the last first date. Of course you should take the dates seriously, but don't build them up in your head that each one will be The One. (I used to do that, so I'm thinking that's how she meant it.)
ReplyDeleteI think "meh" is the best description of the date. She didn't knock your socks off or blow you away. I am really big on chemistry/attraction and you either have it or you don't. She sounds like an interesting person and since you were able to have a good conversation, maybe you are better off as friends.
ReplyDeleteThere's a book for women..it's called the Four man Plan. I've blogged about it. It's an interesting theory. I say based on what you have said on the positive side, go out with her one more time. The Four Man Plan states you MUST go on a second date before you decide you do'nt want to see him again. So...go out with her again. Just to be sure. If she had that many positives, she can't be that bad.
ReplyDeleteor Not.
i'd say give it another chance. maybe something like coffee or lunch though, so you can really just focus on getting to know each other more/better. first dates are hard, especially when you've never met the person before, so you have to consider that you both probably weren't 100% yourselves. the older you get the longer it takes for attraction to develop - it's not a 16 year old butterflies and dry humping sort of relationship anymore. based on your saying this: "We had a great deal in common, I had fun, I was sad it was over so soon" i think you both deserve a second date. keep it casual. what's the worst that could happen? and what's the best that could happen?
ReplyDelete