Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What the Fuck Wednesday: Scrubs

I'm nervous.

It is Wednesday at lunch and I start my new job in 2 weeks. I haven't told the current job this though. I am going to have to quit this afternoon if I don't want to look like a douche bag.

I'm a wreck.

I spent Monday night trying to curl up and get comfortable in an Emergency waiting room chair, with a possible broken foot. I don't know if you knew this but it is impossible.

Side note: Whose idea was it to put the waiting rooms on the 4 am cleaning schedule. I don't ever want to here the fucking vacuum running at 4 am, never mind when I'm sitting in the ER. AND I know it doesn't take a fucking hour to vacuum you inconsiderate twat.

I'm not broken. After hours and hours of sitting in the ER they told me it wasn't broken. It still hurt like a bitch but it wasn't broken.

My visit to the hospital wasn't a total waste; I learned something. I'm illogically attracted to women in scrubs.

Seriously, there is no skin showing,  no clingy clothes,  yet I'm strangely aroused.
I need to date a nurse or an X-ray tech.

My mother is an X-ray Tech. I think my mother would forgive me for dating a heathen if she was an X-ray tech. This was the first X-ray I've ever had taken that wasn't done by my sadistic mother.

"Hold your shattered finger this way"
"I can't Mom, it hurts."
"Here let me,"
"Ow, Mom, It's not supposed to bend that way even if it wasn't broken."
"Yea well at least we'll get a good shot of the break."

Whereas this x-ray tech was nice, polite and fucking gorgeous. She had this nice perky little bum that her scrubs let bounce in the most perfect way. Better yet, she didn't make me move my foot into a position that hurt.

My main nurse was this petite red head with long hair. She was funny, had a nice smile, and knew what kind my shoes were right off the bat. (I like obscure brands) She had one turn off though. Her hair was too long.

Now you might say. "Holy fuck NtH you are way to picky."

To that I say, "I know, but I only want the best for my penis. I love it and it deserves the best. I mean, after all I've put it through, if I'm going to tell it that it only gets one vagina for the rest of its life it is gonna have to be a good one."

Her hair was down to her ass, while in a ponytail. I like long-ish hair. Mid back would be as long as I'd say is good. I think it has to do with the fact that I like variety. If a woman's hair is too long she can't do jack shit with it.

OK I admit it. I'm writing this rambling shit while I put off typing up a resignation letter.

Here is my first draft:

To whom it concerns,

Fuck you, pay me more so I don't have to work two jobs. I got a bitchen ass job offer downtown and unless you mother fuckers are going to beat the offer I have, I'm dropping this place like that one date I had that said she had herpes. 

Someone better than you deserve.

OK I'm not going to lie I edited the last letter I got from a girlfriend.

I think I'm going to have to do a couple more drafts. I'll tell you how it all goes on Friday.


  1. This is hilarious. I asked my husband the other day if he wanted me to ever play slutty nurse for him, and he said, "Nah, I'd rather you wear scrubs. Scrubs are sexy." lol!!

    And yeah, hair down to the butt is too long. I keep mine to the end of my shoulder blades at the longest.

  2. Conversation with your mom was hilarious. Anything that starts with "Yeah well at least..." can't go well.

    Good luck with the negotiations/resignation!

  3. i love that you are hot for the scrubs b/c to me they are just so....functional and utilitarian.

    good luck with the change.

  4. Ok, 3rd try to comment... scrubs are sexy on dudes...good job on the job front. Happy for you.

  5. Hair that long is definitely not okay. If she has her hair that long AND works around blood and shit then she is attached to it and probably unwilling to cut it. Not okay. I'm a chick and even I understand your turn off to hair THAT long.

    On another note...letter sounds just about right. Now excuse me while I go out and grab myself a pair of scrubs...hell I'll try anything right now...why not scrubs!

  6. I think that letter should be a form letter for all underpaid disgruntleds to use at will. It's awesome! Good luck!

  7. that letter is awesome! and i am now seriously considering changing my sexy nurse costume from a short white pleather dress to some sexy pink scrubs...

  8. You're right...scrubs are sexy. I'm a nurse...a hot nurse. I get hit on all the time. Both because of the scrubs and my hotness. Good times. Oh, and glad you aren't broken.


My frail ego requires validation.