Want to know what I did this weekend. I had a couple drinks with friends Friday evening after work then slept till 3 o'clock on Saturday. It wasn't even like I went to bed at a stupid time either, 2 am isn't bad. After I woke at 3 pm I went out for a nice quick little dinner and then went over to token's place with his girlfriend, ginger and junior and drank hot sake. Then Sat on the patio to watch the sunset. Quite beautiful I might say. Then junior invited some people over and we went and played drinking games at his place. Watched the usual suspects, which is an awesome movie, then
I awoke/rolled over Sunday at 5 am sweating worse than a whore in church. It is nearly October and it was 30 degrees Celsius here (86 f). Fucking hot any time of the year, at least for a Canadian. It is especially weird because the leaves are still changing color.
Anyway I woke up went home and passed out, to wake at 3 pm again. I spent more time sleeping than awake this weekend. I think I needed it. Friday's post was me at my worst, fucking exhausted. I so hope I get this job downtown. The more I think about it the more I think it makes sense. It is a lot of risk. I'll be forfeiting my benefits to go through another trial period. The time it will take before I can book a vacation will be reset. The usual things that happen when you start at a new company.
What will I be gaining. I'll be getting my life back. Now that I've slept myself back to normal functioning mental capacity I've been doing some thinking. I know scary shit.
The last four months can be summed up in a couple words. Work office job, then work waiting job, then sleep, repeat till weekend, then drink my face off and do something stupid. Repeat.
Things I haven't done that I usually enjoy doing.
-go to the gym
Things I haven't done nearly often enough.
-clean my condo
-see a doctor
-see a dentist
This might come as a surprise to you but I used to be a normal functioning member of society. I was in a healthy relationship. I paid my taxes (shit, another thing I have to do before they find me) I went grocery shopping and did the things normal people are supposed to do. Then I became a student again, then I became an alcoholic student. Now that I'm done school I'm just an alcoholic. I've got myself into a rut of doing the same shit over and over again. Why, because it is fun.
Yes it is fun. The weekend long debauchery and rambunctious antics are fun.
I was watching a movie last week and there was a line in it that has gotten stuck in my head. At the time I didn't think much of it because well I was fucking exhausted. The movie is American History X. It is probably one of my all time favorite movies. The line is from the character Sweeney. He is talking to Ed Norton's character. It is the line that changes the direction Ed's character is going. It is the line that alters the hate Ed's character has towards everything.
"Has anything I've done made my life better."
To be honest I've done a whole schwack of things this summer, not one of them has done anything to make my life better. Sure I've got some great stories to tell, but the "great" aspect may be debatable depending on the intended audience. Shitting in a parasol isn't going to be something I'll be telling my 9 year old brother about at Christmas.
So, the thought process has brought me here. I will not be drinking except for special occasions. IE Junior's birthday in 2 weeks. I will be putting half of my tips from waiting into the bank instead of keeping them for entertainment/booze money. I am working the second job to help pay off some bills that added up while I was in school and I haven't been paying off the bills fast enough because I've been drinking the majority of my tips.
I am actually going to go grocery shopping this week and buy things for lunches and breakfast because eating out three meals a day is expensive.
I'm going to become relatively boring for the next month. I'm warning you.
I know I said I was going to be doing the online dating thing, but to be honest I don't have time, nor do I think that I am in any situation to actually date someone. My life is a mess. So until my life is relatively straightened out I'm not even going to be trying to date.
If everything goes according to plan, by my birthday, November 6th, I'll be back to somewhat normalcy.
I'll try and have a post for Wednesday, it might just be a story from my past. My blog fuck you if you don't like it.