Wednesday, August 31, 2011

What the Fuck Wednesday. The future.

I don't know if you've noticed but I've been doing a lot of soul searching for the last week and a half. I haven't found it.

Today's post is brought to you by the letter C. I'm not going to tell you why, it just is.

Now, onto the more important side of things. Since I am going to be relatively sober for the next month and summer is pretty much over I am going to need something new to spend my weekends doing, till snowboarding starts.

I was on twitter yesterday while I was browsing Plenty of Fish and one of my followers, (I really don't know what to call her but she comments as Natasha so we'll go with that) and I got to chatting about online dating and how it never works for me.

I'm probably the least photogenic person on the planet. (If Vegas is reading this he'll comment in the bottom and probably agree.) So seeing as I don't look good in photos online dating becomes an issue because the photo is 95 percent of the profile. I can be as witty and funny as I want if I look like I got hit in the face with a shovel and making some weird facial expression it isn't going to amount to anything.

I don't even know what it is that makes me take bad photos. My head at the wrong angle, or my face deciding now would be a good time to try out that new expression. You know the one. The one were it looks like my lower right face is in the middle of a stroke, my lower left decides dimples would be neat, my nose decides to wrinkle and me eyes decide to focus on different things.  I honestly have facial expressions in photos that I can't recreate.

If I was a super hero the camera would be my weakness.

I once read that "There is no such thing as photogenic, either you're ugly or you're not."

Then my sister became a model and told me that line is a load of shit. There is a way of posing, looking, and smiling that can be trained into someone to make them more photogenic.

So not all is lost. I just need to find a photographer that can make me look in photos like I do in real life.

What have we learned so far? I don't look good on camera.
What are the consequences of this? I can only wrangle fat ugly chicks on online dating sites.
Seriously What The Fuck is that. 
So what does this have to do with you guys right? I mean it is all about you.

I'm going to be opening my dating profile to you guys to comment on and give me feed back. Once this is done I will be asking for message help/ if needed (kinda like Soph over here) and writing about my dating experiences for your entertainment.

ASIDE: By the way, Soph let me write a message to one of the creepers hitting on her. She actually sent it and it is fucking hilarious. Go look. 

So first things first helping me set up a profile.

Below is the text of my profile. Do your worst criticizing it and make it better.

Little bit about me, where to start. My name is NTH. I like a wide range of things. Whether, I'm chilling in my t-shirt and jeans going to the movies or out for beer, or I'm dressed up to the nines and going to the symphony, or I look like a homeless man and I'm doing a three day trek in the mountains, I just want to have fun.

The woman of my dreams is one that can tell me when I'm being a goof, and laugh with me, can tell me when I'm being a total idiot, but isn't afraid to be an idiot with me. Someone that has a sense of humor. Someone I can take snowboarding and out on the town. I'd like a girl with ambition, and dreams.
That isn't too much to ask is it?

My favorite things
Laughing till I can't breath
Chocolate truffles
The feeling I get in my stomach on roller coasters or when I'm up really high.
Reading and writing.
Having someone special fall asleep in my arms

Favorite quote: "In a universe so full of wonder and amazing things, humans have managed to invent boredom."

Alright let's fix up the text and then we can start on finding a decent photo of myself.

Later days.

PS. Oh and please do comment, I kinda want this to be successful and if you don't comment I'm afraid the only thing I'm going to get online is something like this.
Don't let it eat me.


  1. HaHaHa firstly thank you for the shout out Mr NTH! Your reply to him was bloody brilliant!

    Second of all, I would LOVE to have the balls to put up mens photos from POF on my blog!! The sites I have seen, a respect handshake goes to you my friend.

    Now third thing, on to your profile! It is very honest and detailed, that is a good thing and better then "Hi, I am new to all this so just ask me anything you want too!"...gee no thanks! What is the point of going on dating sites when you cannot be fucked to put effort in!

    Love Love Love your quote and favourite things!

    The only thing I would say is, after reading the first part, the first thing I thought was "the scruffy homeless look", I know what you meant but a dont focus too much on clothes as women are very picky! But then again you are letting them know what to expect! I would concentrate more on listing the cool things you like, because just mentioning the trek up the mountins is enough!

    Dam none of that was funny...shit! Oh, and add some Mr NTH humor into it...that is a winner!

  2. I'm with Soph - you need to add in some more humor to it. I also think you should strive to be a little more NtH-y, to help weed out the people who really won't get you.

    Also, as for what you want for a woman, you need to be SIGNIFICANTLY more specific. You have just described what EVERY woman thinks of herself. "OMG, I'm obviously funny and like having fun and being taken out! Yay" This will not weed anyone out. I've been too non-specific before...

    If you have any dealbreakers, you should probably mention them.

    And if she describes herself as a "country" girl, step away. Same if she mentions that she or anything is "blessed."

  3. Spelling and punctuation count! Seriously.

    I'm hoping you like to laugh till you can't breathE, not breath.

    oh and I think you should say you like to share chocolate truffles. I'd totally take you up on that ;-)

  4. Wow...those are some unfortunate women. I agree that more of your humor would be good. Right now it's a bit too generic. Make it your own. You have such a large personality and if you hold too much of it back in your profile they'll be shell shocked when you show up.

    When I tried online dating I found I responded most to the profiles that were funny, original, used a movie/show quote as a test of compatibility (if you know where this quote is from or loved this movie we'll get along fine) kind of a thing. Something that makes it "real".

    That was really unhelpful but it's all I have.

  5. Thank you....I've just peed myself with laughter. How come the last girl has on a snohodarf? Snow cap, hoodie, scarf combo?

  6. I love how Jewels is so nice and says "those are some unfortunate women".... perfectly put!! I have done a round or two on POF myself and if you think the girls are bad, you should see the guys.....for reals! I did a post over at Cinderita's a while ago with a few of my more "charming" suitors... I'm right there with you. As someone on the receiving side of the guy's efforts, I can tell you that I quickly glance at interests, scan the narrative for any spark of humor and intelligence and then hope to God there are no pictures of fish, other peoples kids, guns, or 1970's wallpaper in the background. there usually is one if not all of those elements present. Fail!

  7. I met my hubs on Match 9 years ago, and we still like each other. Therefore, I am an expert.... I agree with the above, shorten it, be less generic, more specifically you, and add humor. Not the the peeing on a cop car humor, but the humor than makes you unique. FYI, he won me over with a customer satisfaction survey after our first date "was your date a gentleman? did you find your date remotely attractive?" it was brilliant. Unrelated, I thought people would be harsh and cruel, but they have your back. Good luck. ~Natasha

  8. Oh my gosh, those pics are scary. Seriously. I think I will have nightmares tonight. But on a side note, that 2nd girl looks familiar. Was her name Stacy? I swear I've met her before. Then again, that was in Hawaii, so maybe not. lol


My frail ego requires validation.