Constructive Criticism

Now I always like to know why the object of my desire doesn't like me. It could be my ears are too big. It could be that my sense of style is a little off. Most of the time for me though it is because I'm an asshole.

I've been told I'm brutally honest. I always thought honesty was a trait to be admired. Apparently that is only to a point. However I do have a good story that outlines both the rules and my inability to umm I believe the word is tact.

This young lady was very nice. A friend of my old room mate's girlfriend. We were all hanging out one night and my room mate and his girlfriend were laying in bed and it was getting late so me being the nice guy I am, I told her friend that she could sleep in my bed with me. Now this isn't what you are thinking. I didn't find her attractive. I was literally just being nice. She thought I was going to be "nice" to her.

When she found out that I had no intention of being "nice" we started talking.

The Friend: "So you invite me to your bed and then don't do anything when you get me here"

Me: "Well I have no intention of just sleeping with you. I don't do that anymore. I only sleep with a girl I'm dating or want to date."

The Friend:  "Well I'd date you if you wanted"

Me: "Well to be honest I just don't like you that way." (see I learned my lesson after the Sea Dragon Incident)

The Friend: "And why not? We get along I know you, you know me. I think you're attractive."

Me: "Well I don't think you're attractive."

The Friend: "Why not?" (See this is where I think that I'm off the hook for being an asshole because she asked.)

Me: "Well if you were to drop sixty pounds I'd find you attractive."

The Friend: "Are you fucking serious? I can't believe you just said that. You can't be serious."

Me: "Nope, I mean it. Now your right on a couple things. You are smart, fun, and have a good sense of humor. You also call me on my shit when I'm being retarded. But I don't find you attractive. Now call me shallow but I'm a realist and I know that in order for a relationship to work I have to find someone attractive, and you my dear would be hot if you dropped sixty pounds."

The Friend: "I only way one hundred, eighty pounds. You want me to weigh one hundred, twenty." (she is only about 5'3)

Me: "Yes, hell I'd even settle if you lost fifty."

The Friend: "You'd SETTLE!!!"

(I got slapped at some point along this conversation, actually I think it was a couple times)

Me: "Well I wouldn't say settle after you lost the weight."

The Friend: "Wow I can't believe you. You are such an asshole."

She then called a friend, got picked up and left. I rolled over and went to sleep. I have talked to her once since then. I found out she lost thirty pounds because of me. She did it properly too, with a change in diet and exercise. She also got a boyfriend (after she lost the weight) who actually finds her "fucking hot" to quote her. I think she was trying to rub it in my face, but she was still chubby, so I didn't notice till now.

See, my blatant honesty and constructive criticism helped her out. She was pissed off when she got my feedback but it got her healthy and got her laid. Why do I seem like the bad guy in this story?

I should clarify that constructive criticism should be things they can change. Things they can't change shouldn't be commented on. For example "you have a big nose" doesn't help anyone, or "You're an asshole". I know I'm an asshole of sorts, I've tried being nice it usually just comes across as creepy, so I just stick to being me. 

In the end, maybe tact would be something that would make sure this works out better for others. Regardless I think it is a valuable part of dating and self improvement.

Later Days

NTH