Tuesday, July 26, 2011

An unusual problem.

LittleMissMe and I were tweeting back and forth this morning and it got me to thinking. I have an unusual problem that has plagued my dating life for as long as I can remember. She says she has it too.

I'm not just going to jump right out and say it I'm going to tell a couple stories first. So everyone gather around sit cross legged in a circle and pay attention. There will be a quiz after.

My second long term girlfriend and I dated for only 6 months. The end however was not a mutually enjoyable experience. I loved this girl. I know after 6 months how can you really know. Regardless, I treated this girl with love and respect. Sure I'd poke fun at her as is normal. I didn't coddle her or put her on a pedestal. I just made her feel loved and admired.

This girlfriend however came from a family where the father was abusive. Not physically, nor sexually, no, her father would just yell and scream and call her and her mom names. Her mother was always, always held accountable for every mistake, no matter how big or small. I, however, would be calm, supportive and respectful when there was a mistake made. This made the girlfriend at the time uncomfortable and she couldn't figure out why.

This lack of comfort eventually grew to the point that she broke up with me by saying. "You're too good to me, it isn't what I'm used to and it I don't know how to deal with it." Her coping mechanisms were all built around being yelled at. In a nut shell I was "Too perfect," her words not mine. (she is now in an abusive relationship where she gets treated like shit, she's been with him for 6 years)

I had another girlfriend that yelled that she hated me and was jealous of how smart I was and how easily I learned things. My intelligence made her jealous to the point that she hated me. This wasn't some vapid idiot of a girl either, she was in school to be an engineer.

I was at a friends yearly keg party where people gather from where ever they live now and congregate on a ranch, camp out, drink beer, and catch up on everyone else's lives. Kinda like Facebook, but without a WiFi connection. While at this keg party I was being introduced to some new additions to the party. I was introduce like this.

Boomer(the host): "This is Hero, he's one of those ridiculously smart people."

Hero: "Well I'm smart but nothing exceptional."

Boomer: "Oh come on, you're a genius admit it."

Hero: "No, I don't think so."

Boomer: "Fine, tell him what you do for a living."

Hero: "I teach post secondary education."

New guy: "Oh really, what do you teach?"

Hero, with head hung low: "Petroleum design engineering."

New guy: "Really? How old are you? "

Needless to say there was nothing I could say to convince this guy that I'm not a "ridiculously smart person".

When I mentioned before the "Ride Home" girl, I said that she picked my brain for a good while. Every once in a while she would say, "Wow, You're like really smart aren't you". I'd always respond with, "I do alright."

My old boss when I was landscaping said, "You have to be the dumbest smart person I know."

I understand that I am I smart. Have I bothered to quantify it? Not really. It isn't something I like to announce to everyone I meet, it doesn't go over well. I try not to make fun of people that aren't as smart as me, unless I know them then it's fair game. I like being smart, it makes life in general a little easier, but it comes with some draw backs.

No one wants to play logic games with me, or trivia, or strategy, or any other game that isn't totally based on luck.

I cannot have a conversation where I have to explain words I use commonly. A date isn't a very good date if I'm giving a vocabulary lesson. (Why is it people know what perpetuate means but not exacerbate? They are in the same family of words.)

When doing the online dating thing, I can't message a girl that has terrible sentence structure and grammar.

I find I have a hard time conversing about menial useless crap. I can't stand around the water cooler at work and go over last night's episode of The Bachelorette.

I guess what I'm getting at in all seriousness isn't that I'm "too perfect" as I was saying on twitter this morning. No I think it is just a problem with being above average.


It all has to do with that little chart. I hate statistics but I understand them. I'm sitting a little bit above average in the intelligence scale. Therefore, I'm further away from the mean line and first standard deviation lines (the three middle lines). Roughly 50 percent of the population sits in that area of intelligence. As you deviate further and further away from the norm (mean line) there is less and less percentage of the population in that area.

Being smarter means, statistically, that you have less chance of running into someone else of comparable intelligence. This same principle applies to looks, athleticism, basically anything that a bell curve can be applied to.

So, as LittleMissMe and I approach perfection we are actually lowering our chances of finding a suitable match.  Weird isn't it, as we try and better ourselves so that we may become more attractive to possible mates we are actually lowering the amount of mates we ourselves will find suitable.

LittleMissMe and I's parents, (they aren't the same parents, I want to one day have sex with her and being related would ruin that) have told both of us that perhaps we should lower our standards. I say fuck your hat.

My favorite philosopher Jean Paul Sartre said "If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company."

I would be much happier alone than I would be in a relationship where I have to coddle their intelligence, deal with lack of emotional depth, sacrifice my hobbies and past times, or have to look at someone that I don't find attractive.

I get asked why I'm single all the time. I answer with "By choice, I haven't met a girl that's worth while.". I don't think anyone believes me but I don't care.


Later Days,
NTH

11 comments:

  1. Taking your landscape bosses idea of you and twisting it, you'd come up with a phrase I have heard from time to time.

    "You're the smartest dumbass I know..."

    Seems that you're book smart, but sometimes the lack of street smarts gets in the way? High standards are ok, but making someone feel dumb is another. You may be inadvertently doing the latter.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is a common misconception. When someone is book smart they aren't street smart?

    I'm not a street genius but I'm not a street idiot. I get along with everyone just fine and dandy. I can chat up a room and it isn't an issue. I don't' suffer from any social retardation. I am not a neck bearded basement dwelling video game nerd. I look and function just like a normal person. (The majority of the time I even talk like a normal individual. It's only when a topic is brought up that requires larger words that it becomes a problem.)

    I have friends that are idiots, I have friends that are genius level smarter than I am.

    All I'm saying is that I have issues getting emotionally attached to someone who I can't fully converse with and connect with on every level. Whether it be emotional, physical or intellectual. The last one seems to be a problem these days.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NTH - Stop it. Get out of my fucking head. No. Not OK. The overwhelming majority of this post seems to have been extracted from my mind. Well said. You and I should get together for several beers some time and shoot the shit.

    @LiI - I've interacted enough with NtH enough online to be fairly certain he doesn't do that. But if dumb people feel dumb, that's their fucking problem. Like him, I don't coddle fools. Their fucking problem.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This was a good post.

    Book smart does not equal street smarts. Unless of course you are talking about me, and I have both. lol

    And on a side note, do you know how many times I have dated girl #1. A ton.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so glad we don't have the same parents ;)

    I'm not perfect...well that's a lie I obviously am but let's not be cocky...but I want the perfect man, every single guy I have EVER dated I've been able to single out one thing about them that I HATE and I mean HATE! Then I can't get over it and kaboom! It's all over...this annoys my parents, the only guy I ever introduced to my dad got the response from him of "I never thought I would meet someone who could put up with her, please take her! I will be forever grateful" or something along those lines anyway, quite the catch...I should probably start buying cats to die alone with now

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think it's perfectly alright to know what you want, and who you want, and being comfortable in that decision because it is in fact, we would hope and expect, for the long haul.

    LOL. I laughed when you said you cannot communicate with a girl who has poor sentence structure etc. I am the exact same way. I have been known to correct guys' spelling in IM conversations. I am not perfect either but standards are not meant to demonstrate elitism but merely to emphasise one's worth!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ok, I agree, everyone has made excellent points.. I just have one tiny tiny issue with your post about how smart you are.

    "You're to good to me,..."

    "To perfect,"

    Please don't hate me and add another O to your to's! Otherwise you really are too much in my head as well!

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Maxwell: Thanks for sticking up for me buddy. I'm not very sorry for invading your brain though.

    @Trash:I think as one goes through life they have to acquire street smarts eventually. Or they just end up being socially awkward their whole life.

    @LittleMissMe: I'm so happy we don't have the same parents. I won't get into my parents take on the women I date though. That is to much to handle.

    @Trininista: welcome to the blog. I'm happy you agree with me.

    @Kinky: Oh snap, not as perfect as I thought. I fixed them though. lol.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm sure I could handle it, future post please, I need to know how to win them over when I ask them permission to play with your penis

    ReplyDelete
  10. I don't even think it's about perfection... frankly, I don't think it's too much to ask that a woman be able to spell properly, and use proper grammar. Or that she contribute more to a conversation than, "Hahaha, wow! That's SO cool! You are SO smart." How about some input, eh?

    Took me forever to find my wife. But I held out for her, and I'm damn glad I did.

    ReplyDelete
  11. About girl #2, she's ridiculous because I love my boyfriend BECAUSE he's smart (well, among a plethora of other things). I'm not super intelligent, or at least I don't think so but people say otherwise, but I can't date a guy unless he IS smart. He doesn't have to be a genius, but I like to use him like my own personal encyclopedia. I love it when he can carry on a conversation about a particular topic, and I know he's not just talking out of his ass. It makes me extremely horny.

    ReplyDelete

My frail ego requires validation.