Monday, July 11, 2011

Hung Over Monday: Stampede edition.

Holy Shit!

Where to start?

I'll start with the good news, I'm not nearly as hung over as I thought I was going to be. I had a very good weekend of drinking , dancing and debauchery.

The bad news, I did spend some time in the back seat of a cop car. I also didn't meet the love of my life.

I went over briefly what happened on Friday in last nights post. I'm just going to add that Friday was pretty much just a warm up. After waking up on Saturday the first thing we did was crack a beer. After all the best way to get rid of a hangover is to just get drunk again right?

"Tank" had to go to the mall to buy yoga pants. I swear people are stupid. We walk into Lululemon in the mall and Tank turns to me and says "I need a small with a 34 inch inseam, do you know what that means?" I do know what that means but the easier thing was to just tell him to ask the associate that greeted us at the door and this is wear the stupid will start to get to you.

Tank: "I need pants that are small with a 34 inch inseam."

The Stupid: "Are these for you?"

This may not come across as that stupid but let me tell you something. Tank was given the nickname tank for one reason and one reason alone. He is fucking Huge. He is 6'4" and 300 pounds. So when the tiny little blonde associate asks him if the small lululemon pants are for him I just started laughing. You have to remember I'm a little buzzed. Eventually Tank explains to the little nitwit that the pants are for one of his friends, a female, that is small, with a 34 inch inseam.

The next thing we did was go to the "Bass Pro Shop" I know exciting right? For those of you that don't know what that store is I'll explain. Out doors man's paradise. If you fish, shoot, camp, hike, or BBQ there is probably something that you would love to buy from BPS. Tank had never been to it so we went. There is a shooting range there that costs 50 cents and if you get a score of 100 or better you get to play again. About an hour later we decided we needed more beer.

We went back to Junior's place, where we had the house party the night before, and drank more beer we had some friends come over to pre-drink. Fast forward to later in the evening and we are on our way to the bar where we meet Heidi in line. I managed to piss her off within a couple seconds because of an argument that we had about laughing at fat people. I did manage to get her number, then I realized that every single one of the guys I was with were hitting on her hardcore. She wasn't even a local so I wasn't that interested in just hooking up so I gave up and just enjoyed the bar.

Sadly I did something stupid. I drank a type of alcohol that pretty much destroys my short term memory. Making hitting on women hard when you can't remember anything longer than about 30 seconds. It also makes it very easy to actually get into a fight.

It wasn't much of a fight. Some guy took a swing at me and I hit him very hard, he didn't get back up.  Then I ended up in the back of a cop car. It was self defense so I was let out and told to go home. About 3 blocks away, I was heading home, I promise, I was a witness to another fight, I ended up having to call 911 and get some ambulances and the cops. By the time I actually made it back to Junior's place, it was the wee hours of the morning.

I walked in and there was Junior sitting on the couch with Heidi. Turns out, he's the one that won that competition. He was also a lot more sober than the rest of us. I tell them about my evening and give them shit for leaving me there. Turns out they left the bar just before I got in the fight. Then they leave the living room and go to bed. Yay Junior finally going to get some.

I eventually fell asleep and woke up some point on Sunday to a beer being placed into my hand. We sat on Junior's patio, drank beer, and enjoyed the view. I spent Sunday being a zombie, not able to follow conversation so well, and generally not coordinated well enough to walk to the bathroom without running into something.

There were many laughs. A lot of fun. I have some pictures somewhere, I'll post some of them in the next couple days.

One thing is for sure, I'm done with the stampede for this year. Today is going to be a very long day.

Later days,


  1. Glad you had a fun time, Hero.~

  2. Well at least you can say that you had a good time.

  3. ...and at least you remember most of it!!
    Nice work Hero :)

    Kellt @ My Joy Project

  4. Well that's a hell of a weekend story :)

    Glad you survived the weekend unscathed


My frail ego requires validation.