Saturday, May 14, 2011

Psst I have a secret.

I'm coming up on an anniversary. The anniversary of my excommunication from the church.

After I went to England to try and sell the Brits Jesus door to door, and the only way they were interested was if he did lawn maintanence, I came home and was given the boot from the church. That is the short version of what happened, and some of you might know the long version, but that isn't what this post is about.

When I came home from my mission a lot of my friends people I knew from the church bailed on me faster than a Coulrophobic bails at the circus. This isn't what bothered me, what bothered me was the fact my fiancée ran away faster than anyone.

In other news, my friday night was spent working. I was one of many gravel gnomes.

Ever wonder what happens to all that gravel that is spread on the ice in winter. It doesn't just dissapear, people have to clean that shit up. It's a very...

You had a fiancée?

What was that? ... I had a fiancée?.... Yes I did, but I'm telling a story, don't interrupt.

Where was I? It's a very dirty job. Mostly spent wondering around blowing dust up into the air and coating yourself in layer upon layer of road grime. The worst part...

What was her name?

Ugh... I suppose the gravel gnome story isn't as exciting as one of love lust and betrayal. 

Her name was Amy. It was understood that I was going to go on my mission for 2 years I'd come home, we'd get married and have a gazzillion kids as most morons Mormons do. I came home early and got the swift kick out of the church. I phoned her to tell her the glorious news. She didn't like it.

She then didn't talk to me for 3 months. I know what you're thinking, because it was the same thing I was thinking. "Mmm perogies"

Wait, that wasn't it. Something close to that anyway.

Regardless that was pretty much the end of that relationship.

She had the audacity to call me 3 years later and tell me she still loved me. I told her to take some Pepcid and  if that didn't work to see a doctor.

Anyway I'm super tired  from pretending to be a gravel gnome all night so I'm going to take a nap.

Later Days,

No comments:

Post a Comment

My frail ego requires validation.