Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bumpity Bumpity

Friday was the first time in a very long time that I actually went out on the town feeling good about myself.

What a difference my paradigm shift has had.

First off I'm very sad that the Vancouver Canucks lost to the sharks. Although it was a very entertaining third period.

Me and Jucebox show  up at Hudson's, a very Canadian pub, about half an hour before the hockey game was going to start. Every single table was taken, and all the stools but two were taken as well. Perfect. We sit on the stools at the bar and the bartender was very cute.

The bartender, it turns out, is from the town next to mine. We had a lot to chat about. It was a great warm up to being social after hiding and wallowing when I was unemployed. It felt good. I however, don't like to hit on people when they are working.

We eat dinner and start watching the game. Hudson's has the best burger I've ever eaten. It is a buffalo burger with ancho-pepper BBQ sauce  Om Nom Nom. Of course there was beer too.

Just as we are finishing up eating and getting into the second period of the game these two women walk up to the bar and are looking for stools. They find one and only one. Normally I'd just laugh at them and continue sitting on my stool enjoying the game, but honestly the stool wasn't that comfortable. So I gave it to them. Her being flirtatious offered to share it with me and just like that I'm cuddling with her.

We get to know eat other and she thinks I'm way younger than I really am which I fucking hate. I even kept the scruff on my face to help me look older. It works so instead of looking 18 I look 22. I'm actually 26.

Over the span of the night we keep flirting and having a good time. She did this one thing which I thought was rather clever.

Her: "I like your jeans, what brand are they?"

Me: Ummm....

Her: "Here just turn around for a second"

So I do she lifts up my shirt tails and looks directly at my ass.

Her: You have a very nice ass.

Me Thanks...

Clever clever girl. She then put her hand in my back pocket and pretty much didn't remove it. I also learned that she has very soft skin.

Sadly this part of the evening didn't last, she bailed before I could even get her number. She was there with a whole bunch of married couples so when the game was over and the bar was turning into a party I think they dragged her away. Never mind I was running around buzzed and not paying attention to how long I was talking to people, so even if she did try and find me before she left she probably couldn't. Fuck.

However the night was not lost.

I met this other girl, she wasn't as good looking as the first one. In fact I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't in a beer haze I probably wouldn't have done what I did.

I met her at probably 11:30 and was back at her place by 12:15.

I found out that even at 27 she had never been with a guy that could find the G-spot on purpose. (I can) I however came home a little dis-satisfied. That is right, there was no mad passionate monkey sex. Just some basic mad passionate oral sex. I'm weird though I can rarely get my rocks off without the bumpity bumpity.

So the big O Final score 
Her       Me
2            -1
(-1 because she tore up my back and now I can't take my shirt off around anyone)

I was then woken up early put on public transit and sent on my way, without sunglasses, with a hangover. It was a long hour to get home.

So in one night I got hit on by 2 different women, had my ass complimented (it actually happened more than once), watched hockey, and went home with a stranger (not so strange now). This is all do to my perspective on life. It used to be a rather cynical and pessimistic view. Filled with structure, rules and way to much logic. I used to view women as a sort of math problem.

Career + fitness + style + Money = what women want.

As it turns out they just want someone that is fun. So that is what this summer is going to be, my summer of fun.

Ps. Before you ask, No I probably won't be seeing the random girl again (not saying I wouldn't love to see Random Girl, I fucking love her). It turns out that we have nothing in common. She doesn't enjoy doing anything that I enjoy doing. Never mind a -1 on the scoreboard doesn't inspire me to go back.


  1. Well eating some pussy is still a pretty good night. I mean I am sure that is a lot better than my night I had.

  2. @OT: I'm not complaining in the slightest it was a lot of fun.


My frail ego requires validation.