Thursday, October 18, 2012

Post Date Blinks: Women are confusing.

I'm beginning to realize I really do not understand women nearly as well as I thought I did. I didn't think I understood them that well to begin with so you can understand how distraught this makes me.

I totally understand buddy.
My confusion about Chase has been slowly building since the beginning, but it reached a new level yesterday. We were trying to figure out the next date. Going back and forth about day and time and then finally we arrived at a consensus. I'm not confused yet. Now the "what do you want to do?" part of deciding came. I had been trying to figure out things we could do together that wouldn't be too expensive because I went slightly over budget on the weekend. I figured I could amp up the intimacy a bit at the same time. I thought I was being super clever. I suggested a evening stroll through a park sipping on some hot chocolate and Bailey's.

I got a response I wasn't expecting. "That sounds too mushy... sorry."

I actually laughed.

We ended up just going out for a pint because our schedules didn't match up as much as we thought they would. The date was good, plenty of laughs, more good conversation and again it felt like I could talk to her for hours more but we had to end it because I had a birthday party to go to again.

One of the things that came up, when I asked her what she meant by too mushy, that confused the fuck right out of me was that her favorite movie is "The Notebook". That's right the Nicolas Sparks novel turned into arguably the most romantic, mushy, emotional, movie ever made. So I told her that. Her rebuttal, "No, it's not. It's cute."

So apparently there is a fine line between mushy and cute. It's apparently up to me to figure out where this line is and not to cross it.

She agreed to actually go on a walk and drink hot chocolate with me because I assured her I'm not the mushy type, she said she figured when I laughed about the mushy comment.

God damn it every single dating advice column I've ever read has said, "Woo her with compliments and confidence.", which I'm not sure if she is ok with or not. She never really acknowledges my compliments.  "Women no matter what they say love receiving flowers." This I have no idea if that would fall onto the cute side or the mushy side. The list of mushy shit goes on and on. Honestly, so many mixed signals from things that are supposed to help out with this sort of thing.

I'm going to have to figure this intriguing specimen of the female species out. FOR SCIENCE!!!!

Honestly though any and all advice would be appreciated.

Later Days,


  1. Stop listening to dating advice columns would be my advice.

  2. Awww. Don't feel bad. If you'd said, "I really do not understand women nearly as well as I thought I did..." and stopped there, then you'd be really far behind. We may all have the same type of genitals, but we are in fact individual people with our own likes and interests.

    Admitting there's a problem is the first step to solving a problem ;)

    How long have you been seeing her? How well do you really know her?

    The Notebook can be your favorite movie, but if you've had a lot of heartbreak in the past... as you well know opening up isn't easy, and she may just feel like it's too soon for mushy.

    Women have their own social programming fears. One of them being that if we admit to all that cute romantic stuff it'll scare guys away.

    Confidence is good. People always like to wonder why "all the pretty girls date jerks". It's not because we like jerks. It's because jerks exude confidence.

    Compliments, even if she doesn't acknowledge them /out loud/, are still good. She just may not know how, may not agree, or may not be used to them. Who knows. Don't stop those! Just make sure they're genuine and not forced because you feel you have too.

    Really just be you. Don't rush things. And pay attention to what she says, especially if it doesn't seem important. Guys like to latch onto the big things as important. Women notice the details. Pay attention to the details! If you do that, you'll notice the things that she really wants without having to guess.

    And give yourself some credit. You're still getting to know this woman! There is no way at all you can know every step perfectly. That you're worried about it shows you care though. And if things go well, down the line, the mushy hot chocolate is going to be a funny story you two laugh about.

  3. I agree with Haven. You are still getting to know her and the fact that you are aware and thoughtful in your plans and treatment of her says a lot right there. If she doesn't give you feedback on compliments and such, she still hears and appreciates your positive words, she just may not have the confidence to directly address them or tell you she appreciates them.
    The most important thing is that you are being genuine with your efforts and not just trying to say/do the right things or things you think you should be doing. Being sincere really shows through and even if it's not something that's her "thing", she will start to trust your efforts and appreciate them.


My frail ego requires validation.