|This become relevant later.|
Let me explain.
I know I have an avoidant type of attachment pattern. I knew about that before I started reading the book. Now, however, I have a fuck load of knowledge about other peoples attachment styles and it's running rampant in my head.
Therefore, When it comes to the new girl I just went on a date with I'm over analyzing everything. I mean the book says a whole bunch of things that secure type of people do, so I'm doing my whole fake it till you make it approach. I'm trying to fake being secure till I am. Sounds like a decent plan, right?
First, lets start with my post date blinks post. Haven told me that I should try and be honest with my feelings. Just put them out there. I did. It made me remarkably uncomfortable. I wanted to just scream at myself to man up and quit being so pathetic. Terrified I wouldn't see her again. What the fuck was I thinking? Then I turn to myself and I say:
"Self, shut the fuck up. Being vulnerable is what we are trying to work for, remember."
"Yea but, I don't want to seem needy."
"Who the fuck cares?"
"Then she wasn't the one."
"That is a direct quote from the book used to demonstrate avoidant behaviour."
"You know what, you think you're so smart. Fuck you, Self"
"Not if I fuck you up first."
For fuck's sake, I think I have more issues than previously thought because I'm just sticking my head down this emotional rabbit hole and Alice is nowhere in sight.