Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Post Date Blinks: The Chase.

I've come up with a nickname for her. The girl I went out with last week. I'm going to call her "The one I'm going to have to chase." or just "Chase" for short. I don't care if it is a boys name.

I've come to the realization that I'm going to have to be the one that chases. I've never ever really had to do that. Most of my other relationships just sort of fell into my lap. That may have been the problem but maybe not.

Through reading that book I've learned how to spot someone else's attachment style. I'm pretty sure Chase is an avoidant like myself. I could be wrong I mean it is only the second date. I actually hope that I'm wrong otherwise this may not work at all. The book says avoidants never end up dating each other because well they end up avoiding each other, mutually.

So far I'm the one that does all the initiating. I mean normally, especially in the old days, it is the guys job to court the woman he wants. It makes sense then, at least a little bit, that I'm the one asking her out, I'm the one making plans, I'm always the first to text. It doesn't mean that I like it.

I'm not one for being able to carry a text conversation anyway so trying to come up with things to talk to her about via text is irksome. In person we can talk for hours, in fact I had to end the date earlier than we both wanted because it was getting late again and she had to take the bus home. I offered to drive her but she politely refused.

I need to therefore decide If I'm going to be the one that is OK with chasing her, with doing the old fashioned courting. I have no idea what is considered proper courting technique anymore. I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go. I just have to remember that I want this, and anything worth doing takes effort. The avoidant side of me immediately says "Well it shouldn't be hard, if she was the one it would just work." I'm having to stifle that little voice and say, "She could be the one, it just might take a bit of work." Working towards intimacy goes against my natural instincts though, so I'll fake it till I make it.

I'm sure someone normal wouldn't be over thinking this as much as I am. In fact I've had several people tell me to stop thinking and just enjoy it. I'm going to try.

We have loosely set a date for next week. She has agreed to let me take her to the comedy club.  Should be good times. Till then, I have Junior's birthday party this weekend and that should be more than enough to distract me and perhaps give me another good story. His birthdays usually do.

Later Days,

1 comment:

  1. Definitely stop over thinking this, it's not that complicated, just do the chase thing for a while, then if you get tired, tell her. Hopefully by then you'll have figure out if she's the one. Now, go out there and enjoy yourself :)


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