Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Women need tips too.

I have a small blog crush on a certain Random Girl, so because of this I've been reading a lot of stuff over at the Dude Society. Not just Lisa's stuff, but all the articles. I love reading it because it makes me feel better knowing that I'm actually doing things right. (I blame my two overbearing, highly opinionated sisters.)

This being said, in a lot of the articles there are certain assumptions made. Like that the girl is normal. During my dating experiences I've discovered that this assumption is most definitely not a safe one.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to give some dating advice to a friend and her friend. They were talking about bad dates. I noticed that a lot of these bad dates could have been avoided with a little bit of thought on their part.

Let's start with the usual problem women have, "Why can't I find a nice guy." or "Why do I attract so many creeps." or "blah blah blah" (any other complaint about the men they date). There is a surprisingly simple solution to this. Don't say yes to dating those types of guys. I know, I know, it's so hard when they are showering you with witty reparte/ funny remarks/ constantly hitting on you/ or any other thing that gets you interested in the first place only to find out that they are the usual type of guy you get stuck with. Do a little bit of hindsight research, identify the common denominator and then don't date it. Or even better, you could go against the grain and dare I say, ask out a guy you think would better suit you. If you keep getting stuck with the usual clone go talk to the guy that looks a little out of the ordinary, or if you usually date the power suit, power tie combination go ask out the guy in board shorts and a t-shirt.

The Clone (source)

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." You want to know who said that, Einstein, which I don't know if you knew this, but he was kind of a big deal.

Moving on, the other thing that I noticed women have a problem with is getting asked out in the first place, IE: meeting guys. From personal experience, if I'm out and about looking for a girl to talk to there are certain things that immediately stop me from going over and getting my chat on: Women huddled together like there is a tornado right next to them and they don't want to get dragged away. I'm not going to try and break into your circle and say Hi, no matter how good you look in those jeans. Also, if you already have a large amount of guys talking to you. I don't want to step on any toes, so if you know you aren't interested in them, get rid of them. I know they will appreciate you not wasting their time, instead of finding out when the bar is closing that you won't even give them your number.

By far the easiest way for a girl to get hit on is to go somewhere alone. Go to the bar to grab your next drink, especially if you see a guy checking you out and you think he is cute. He is probably just waiting for a chance to say hi. You want a guy to dance with you, go out on the dance floor, alone, or ask him to dance. Men are terrified of large groups of women. Large being loosely defined as more than one.

Let's say you beat the odds of the bar scene and actually manage to find a guy you are willing to spend at least 15 more minutes with. We will move onto the actual date.

I know guys are "supposed" to be the one that asks the girls out. I'm OK with this certain double standard because it allows guys like me to show off a little bit because the standard rule of thumb is that the person who asks the other out does the planning. So ladies, if a guy asks you out, you say yes, and then he goes, "So what do you want to do?" How interesting of a first date do you think it is going to be? I think first dates should be standardized anyway. Drinks/coffee, to see if you have anything in common to encourage a more involved second date.

So fine lets skip to the second date, I'm assuming again that it was him that asked the ubiquitous question of, "Can I see you again?" I'm also going to assume you said yes.

Ladies if the guy doesn't have a clue what he wants to do with you on the second date, I suggest using caution if you choose to proceed. I know this sounds harsh, but it shows certain things. 1.) He is not passionate about anything enough that he wants to share it with you. or 2.) He is lazy or 3.) He doesn't want to suggest things you won't like. (which if he was paying attention during first date wouldn't be an issue)  Almost every single bad date that my chick friends tell me they go on starts out with the "I don't know what do you want to do." My advice "Just don't do it." It goes both ways though, don't be a boring date.

Ok on to another topic that was brought up during the discussion. "Oh my god, he was so creepy, he just couldn't take a hint." I don't know how many times I've had to tell women this. Men are stupid. Be blunt, we won't break. I was then informed, men are fragile creatures and the slightest thing could upset them. Bullshit. If the guy breaks down and weeps on the second date when you tell him you just don't care about how he told his mother about you already, I'm pretty sure you didn't want to date him anyway. Just tell him to bugger off. Quit pandering to the weak, he'll either buck up and smarten up or he won't reproduce. Either way, we as a species win.

Another thing I've noticed women doing is lying to sound interesting. To quote the TV show "Love Bites" (terrible show soon to be cancelled me thinks) "We live in a twitter world. You have to hook a guy with 140 characters or less." This maybe true, but don't lie. If I meet a chick and she says she loves reading then tells me her favorite book is twilight and can't name another book she's read I'll probably develop a twitch. Or if she says she likes video games but her favorite one is Farm-ville, I may need bail money. Or she says she likes the outdoors but she meant tanning and going to the park, I may take her to the mountains and leave her there.

It's rather simple ladies. Step one, Don't date the same type of guys expecting one of them to work for you. Step 2, watch out for little warning signs like hygiene, lazy behavior, lives with his mother, is 32 and still works at Starbucks (I don't care if he is an "artist") etc. Step 3, be assertive. Tell the douche-bags and the creepers to fuck off. Step 4, be yourself. Step 5 fall madly in... to some mad passionate monkey sex.

Later days.


  1. I love the insecurities in women. Getting them to take a stance on an issue seems almost impossible when you ask for their opinion first.

    My girl is so indecisive. She can't decide on a place to go, a dinner to eat, or almost anything. Yet, she has no problem picking apart my choices. When I say "ok, you pick" it's almost always an "I don't know..."

  2. This is why I gave up on the whole "dating" fiasco. No I'm not a nun. Just sayin'... I'd rather let it happen to me than to seek it out myself. I don't care if that'll leave me a barren old woman in the end. I'd rather be by myself for now anyway. I'm young enough :)

    And your advice is good. Mostly because it's common sense, but the reason why it's so great is because women don't have that. I blame that on feminism. The struggle to supersede men in academia and the work force alienated us from our natural intuitive faculties.


My frail ego requires validation.