What the Fuck Wednesday: I have no words.

OK The title is a misnomer because I really do have words. These words are "What the Fuck?" This is a true WTFW.

Last night the Doctor wanted to chat.

First let me tell you about my weekend. Friday night the doctor came out with some friends of mine. It went surprisingly well. She managed to hold her own and seemed to get along with my friends well. She didn't want to drink anything that we had at Token's place where we were all gathered. We were going to play Dance Central and drink so brews and some cocktails. Despite having a ridiculous amount of liquor and just about everything you could possibly want to drink it wasn't what she wanted. So we went across the street to the liquor store. Where I payed for her to get Coconut rum and some orange juice. 40 bucks later we are heading back up to Token's place with a quart of rum that I can't even drink because I'm allergic to coconut. The doctor had one drink out of the bottle then called it quits.

I might point out that The Doctor is still unemployed and has been since August. I've paid for everything, not a big deal except it is just assumed that because I'm the only bread winner I'll be paying for everything and it looks like that is the way it is going to continue.

Saturday Morning we had the jealousy talk that irritated me to no end. I spent Saturday running some errands and then went out with Vegas and Token. I drank a lot. We lost Vegas and he ended up at home puking on his floor, which is odd because he hadn't drank all that much. Token and I finished the night with a hot dog covered in Rooster sauce. So GOOD.

I awoke on Token's couch with a splitting headache. One of the worst hangover headaches I've ever had. I went home drank a fuck load of water and passed back out in a fitfull "owe my head hurts to much to think" almost kinda half sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

I woke up and had every intention of spending the rest of the day in my pajamas. Alas, this was thwarted with the offer of fresh homemade tacos. Probably one of my favorite meals. The kicker was that it was at another house. It was a dinner party and my sister invited me to come. I think she just wanted help with the cooking.

It was a surprising amount of good. The food was fantastic and the conversation was great. I was the youngest one there but it felt good to socialize with a different crowd.

Monday was crazy busy at work and after work I went over to Juniors place to have dinner and watch a movie. We then started playing video games.

I hadn't even thought about the doctor in the last 2 days. She was thinking of me though and sent me a message I responded that I was busy and that I'd text her later.

Tuesday, crazy busy at work again. I actually worked through my lunch break and didn't notice.

The doctor lets me know that she wants to talk and is wondering if she can see me tonight. I let her know that I have some running around to do but could probably see her around 8 ish before I go home to do laundry.

This is where it gets awkward.

I'd do the run down of the whole conversation but to be honest I can't remember word for word what happened. I wish I'd recorded it to play it back for you.

The gist of the conversation was her admitting that she is insecure and doesn't feel like we are communicating well enough. She wants me to text her more to show her that I'm thinking about her. She feels like she can't trust me anymore with her raw emotions anymore and thinks I may take advantage of her if she tells me how she feels. Then she asks how I feel.

I told her the truth; I'm not sure whether I want her as my girlfriend yet or not. That I want to slow things down a little. It has only been three weeks. She seems to think that three weeks is long enough to have developed a bond. Long enough that I should be thinking of her whenever we aren't in the same room.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but when I'm at work, I don't text, or make personal calls. I'm working. I know this may be a strange concept to the doctor but I have a life. A fairly busy one that doesn't revolve around her. I may have given the false impression by hanging out with her as often as I did at first.

I'm pretty sure that the Doctor wants something a lot more serious, a lot faster than I do. I'm getting to the point now that there are enough warning signs that I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to stop seeing her.

She doesn't have a job. She says she is going to school in January but just applied for school and student loans yesterday. Student loans take at least 2 months to get approved so I doubt it's going to happen. She has pretty much admitted to jealousy issues as well as being remarkably insecure.

Remember when I said there was something that bugged me about the doctor? I finally figured it out. She is a try hard. She tries very hard to be a part of everything. She even asked my sister to go to yoga with her. She tried very hard to become friends with my sisters. This isn't going to happen. My sisters are quintessential bitches. (I love them anyway/because of this) She tried hard to fit in with my friends. It almost slipped by me but I have a feeling she is so insecure that she is trying to be what I want and actually isn't.

Later Days,
NtH


PS. She ended the "insecure" conversation by saying that until she feels like I'm more committed to her we won't be having sex. This surprisingly (to me at least) has very little to do with me not wanting to date her anymore.


PPS: Since publishing this, the doctor has ended things via text. Saves me having to do it in person I guess.