Monday, February 6, 2012

My weekend Monday: "What are you thinking?"

Good Monday morning friends.

My weekend was fun. Friday night I got smammerred. I don't care if that is a word or not. It is the best possible explanation for what I was.

I don't even know how it happened. It might have had something to do with the smooth drink-ability of Kraken rum.

and the fact I drank all of it.
That aside, my evening from what I remember of it, was a lot of fun. Junior wasn't very happy when me and Vegas walked into his apartment at 3 am and physically dragged him out of bed. There was a bit of a brawl. No punches where thrown but I do have some bruises and a couple scrapes on my back. I thoughy it was fucking hilarious at the time. Junior wanted to beat me with a baseball bat.

I also had just eaten some Shwarma. I really shouldn't try and eat shwarma and walk. My coat is going to need drycleaning... again. Every fucking time I try and eat shwarma, regardless of whether I'm sober or not I end up making a mess.

Saturday, I was supposed to pick up the Russian around 10 am and go to Banff for a hike, hot springs, and dinner. Needless to say, I was a full 2 hours late. She was apparently really worried about me and was close to calling my sisters. I apologized and suffered the rest of the day hung over as all get out, but I had a good time anyway. The hot springs were romantic. We watched the sunset over the Rockies high up on a cliff sitting in a giant hot tub... with about 80 other people.

Dinner, was dinner, nothing fantastic. I drank a fuck load of water. No beer, which is borderline sacrilege because the pub we ate at is a microbrewery as well and they have some of the best beer ever. Sad day. Sad day indeed.

We made it back to my house by about 10 pm. I was fucking exhausted. I probably shouldn't even have been driving. I know this because I had to slap myself in the face every couple of minutes to stay awake.

Once back at my place she wanted to try and watch a movie. Which would have been fine but it was a really fucking boring movie. I reserved judgement though because I fell asleep. Eventually she gave up watching it because every thirty seconds while falling asleep I'd let out a grunt, mumble or snort, or I'd twitch. She would then wake me up to tell me to stop it, only perpetuating the cycle.

After she gave up watching the movie she decided it was time for kisses and the such. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was putting on a rubber and ... you know I've typed like 30 different ways of saying I got laid and they all looked tacky and cheap so fuck it, you get the idea.

The problem is, I was exhausted. I most definitely didn't give my best performance. I tried, I really did but I was only able to go for about 30 minutes before I just gave up, said I was too tired and we cuddled, at least I think we cuddled, and I promptly fell asleep.

The morning however, is a completely different story. This time I went for a good while. Had some fun, but I hate to say it, but after all the waiting and excitement there was a decided lack of chemistry between the sheets. Neither one of us got to finish before it was time to get moving and get on with the day.

I'm not going to give up that easily however so I'm willing to take one for the team and keep trying. I know, I'm a saint. It wasn't that the sex was bad, far from it but there wasn't a whole lot of wow moments. She was more active and engaging during foreplay than she was during sex. Like I said though, I'm willing to work on it.

Sunday she had to work but we had a nice breakfast before I dropped her off at work.

I went over to her place to actually watch the movie we tried to watch the night before. The movie is called "Everything is illuminated". I won't bore you with an explanation but it is based off of her favorite book. The movie was OK. Would I recommend it? Fuck no. Would I watch it again? Fuck no. In fact the only reason it was even worth watching was because I watched it with her. If I was watching it by myself I would have turned it off about 4 minutes into the movie.

This brings me to the part where I talk about my feelings and all that yucky stuff.

Firstly, let me say that I find this whole thing to be more complicated than it probably should be.

I like the girl, I do. There are some things that irk me however.

You know how everyone has a scent that is completely their own. Well I have an incredibly acute sense of smell, so I become aware of this scent fairly early on. I'm not a fan of the Russian's. It isn't that she smells bad but... Ok let me put it this way; the doctor had a scent that I couldn't get enough of. It was in fact so intoxicating that I was willing to over look some of her less attractive qualities, like a lack of chin. However, the Russian doesn't have this advantage and I have to be honest if I saw her on the street I wouldn't have the urge to talk to her. What I'm saying is I'm not 100% physically attracted to her (which probably translates into the chemistry + sheet equation).

Her mind however is awesome. She is smart, witty, uses big words. Mock me if you want but I find intelligence to be incredibly attractive.

Like me, she is an elitist. Which automatically means a certain sense of narcissism which is also fine by me. We can sit and make fun of hipsters together. 

We don't actually have that much in common either. We don't like the same music, same food, same movies or the same activities. Actually that isn't 100% true. She doesn't like some of my favorite things and I have a broad taste in just about everything (I like to think that makes me cultured) so I tend to like some of her favorite things. Others not so much, the movie is one example.

Another example; last night she wanted to go to a didgeridoo show. I'm sorry, but one didgeridoo sounds like another and all it makes me think of is running away from a pack of dingoes only to get helped from a half naked aborigine who then traps me in an eternal drum circle and every time I run away to try and keep my sanity I get a blow dart in the ass. I declined the show.

She also keeps fucking asking "What are you thinking". I think it might be the psychologist coming out in her, but it is really starting to irritate me.

What am I getting at with all this musing? Well in about 4 months she is leaving, with a good possibility she will never return. She doesn't know. There is a chance she will be back to finish her PHD at the university here but she would rather go to the one in Vancouver. This is on top of the fact she is going to be travelling most of the summer.

Do I bother trying to see where this could go with the chance that she could be here long term? Or do I tuck my tail between my legs and get out before I start developing more real feelings towards this girl with a high chance that she may just waltz out of my life forever?

In spending time with the Russian I may also be missing out on dating someone that may be more suited to me. I don't know, so in the mean time I will continue on the path. If something else comes my way we'll have to see what's going on at that fork in the road.

Later Days,


  1. Let me ask you this: If it *does* go long term, what more can she bring to the relationship to make the 'cons' go away?

    Or, conversely, what can you bring to the relationship?

    What's left?

    If this is as good as it gets, is it good enough? It's a tough question to ask, but one worth asking.

  2. I sat on my couch and ate guacamole. That's what I did with my weekend. I need to find somebody to sniff.

  3. Look at Lost with his good advice. I agree completely. If what you see right now is what you get, could you commit to that? As for the in the sheets stuff...There has been a lot of build up with her and sometimes the build up is more exciting than the payoff. It happens. No matter how much you like somebody sometimes you just don't vibe that way. Anyway, we all know you are fully capable of figuring it out for yourself. Either way, you'll be just fine.

    Now excuse me while I Google search "Schwarma"...seriously I have no idea what it is!

  4. I agree with Lost as well. You already seem to be contemplating continuing on with the "good enough" but not awesome feeling. As far as the chemistry goes, it's beyond just the actual sex so I'm not reading more into that than I should, but I can say that if you don't get excited by her, by the thought of her, now then you probably never will and that's not OK. There's nothing worse than being with someone that you're not excited to be with, even if you have a pleasant time together.


My frail ego requires validation.