34Not the Hero @Not_The_Hero Close
I just lied to the russian to get out of hanging out with her. #itsover #tellherlater.
5:36 PM - 9 Feb 12 via Twitter for Android · Details
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So the story goes, when I dropped her off at home last time I said I'd probably see her on Sunday, the one in 2 days. She wanted to see me sooner and asked if we could hang out on Thursday (yesterday) instead. I said maybe. Which for some reason translates in a woman's head to yes, but that is a separate issue.
Well last night rolled around and she asked if we were still hanging out. I wasn't aware I had committed to hanging out, but apparently I had.
I really wasn't in the mood to be charming and funny. I just wanted to relax, but I couldn't just say "No, we aren't hanging out today. I've got nothing else planned, but I don't want to hang out with you." I look back now and realize I could have just said "No, I can't do it tonight, sorry." and left it at that. Instead I lied and said I had to stay late at work.
Ugh so much Fail.
Now I hate lying. I really do. So why did I do it? To be honest I think it's because I felt like a needed a viable excuse to give her. Which means I feel... you know what, I fucking hate feelings... but hate is a feeling... fuck! I felt something, then I made up an excuse, end of story.
I realize that this isn't good. It means that I would rather do nothing then see her on top of the need to lie to her about doing said nothing. Why? I don't know, it was a feeling. Women don't have to justify their feelings so I'm not going to justify mine.
To quote my friend, "You just aren't feeling that spark." Oh yes, the elusive spark.
The nail in the coffin I suppose happened when I started planning my trip next weekend and realized I was more excited to see an ex girlfriend than I was to see the Russian.
Now that I realize that I'm just not all that excited by the Russian I have to end it I suppose. What exactly is the protocol for a month long dating spree break-up when there aren't any glaring issues?
I've never been good at ending things, for the longest time I was the one getting told I wasn't good enough. It sucks, and I don't want to make anyone feel like they aren't good enough. I have a tendency to be an asshole though and have been known to make people cry.
Is it alright to end it via text? I don't want to waste the gas money to drive to her place to tell her she isn't good enough. I know, I'm a terrible person.
Later Days,
NtH
Ps. I had some cool images to go with this post but because blogger is a piece of shit and formatting didn't work you don't get them.
I won't tell you what to do, but text breakups scream tacky after more than 2 dates.
ReplyDelete...maybe skype? I dunno.
I've never used Skype...
DeleteDamn Lost and his beating me to the punch on good advice! I have to agree with him yet again (damn it!) but I think text is not the way. Just meet her for a drink or coffee, briefly, like on your way to somewhere else when she knows you don't have much time so you don't get sucked into a long, drawn out convo, and just tell her that you you've enjoyed hanging out with her but you don't want to waste her time on something that isn't happening for you. Direct? Yes. Harsh? No. Respectful? Yes, at least more so than text.
ReplyDeleteThis is similar to how I broke it off with Twin. It was fine. There wasn't any major issue with us, I just wasn't feeling what I wanted to feel towards him and was just honest about it. He appreciated that and we are cool even now because there was no drama or ambiguity about the situation. Just handle it because dodging it is going to hurt her worse.
I don't think I could do it over a text. I just wish I could.
DeleteTexting a break up is just not ok. Meet up someplace neutral to private.
ReplyDeleteAlso, dude, you just slept with her. There's the potential that she's going to take that really hard.
The lying thing sucks.
"It means that I would rather do nothing then see her."
This is pretty normal actually. I have severe abandonment issues and I hate being alone, but I actually need a lot of space to myself at the same time (which is useful because I hate clingy people). It's absolutely ok to want a night off from doing anything in particular. Even when you really like someone, just hanging out means there's just a little bit of social pressure and potential expectation that people don't always have the energy to deal with.
Yea I thought about the just slept with her thing, as well as Valentines day is coming up. Maybe I'll enjoy her company for a little while longer. Who knows we'll see how Sunday goes.
DeleteYou could always try the ol' "I just found out I have AIDS. Just kidding! But seriously, we shouldn't see each other any more."
ReplyDeleteShe'll be so relieved that she won't even be mad at you.
I broke up with someone via text once...it was messy. But i wouldnt drag it on just because vday is here...if you acknowledge theres no spark...mayb its best to just be honest. The truth hurts...but the sting fades a lot faster than a lie.
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