Wednesday, February 8, 2012

WTFW: Good enough?

Welcome to this weeks What the Fuck Wednesday.

Firstly I have to say that I have some of the best readers ever. The comments I get on posts, on top of the conversations I have on twitter always help me out. Monday especially.

My friend, at least I'd like to think of him as a friend, Brandon (more commonly known as Lost) from Lost in Idaho commented on Monday about whether pursuing a relationship that is "good enough" with the Russian is "good enough" and what would have to be done to make some of the cons go away.

This instantly got me thinking. I hate thinking.

When I thought all was lost and I'd begin the downward spiral into dissecting every fucking thing about her and where things are going I read something else. Sarah, more commonly known by the moniker "the naked redhead" wrote a little blurb on her blog called "Imagine Differently"

Go read it, I'll wait.

This shifted my thoughts in a different direction. I was thinking about all the good things that have come from dating the Russian. There have been a fair bit.

But back to Brandon's question of whether "good enough" is just that.

I really don't know. That was until I was about to crawl into bed last night and figured I'd check on my blog one last time before sleepy time.

I have a very irrationally large blog crush on Random Girl, and she decided that she was going to share some of her wisdom. She nailed it. "You already seem to be contemplating continuing on with the "good enough" but not awesome feeling."

I am, err was, I mean am... Fuck.

I haven't made up my mind yet, but there was something else that happened last night that is worth mentioning.

I can't remember how it was brought up but the Russian and I ended up talking about relationships; what they mean and what traits, emotions, and such belong in a relationship.

She, like the Doctor, also said that jealousy was a normal thing in a healthy relationship. She actually went on to explain that she sees relationships for the most part as being a constant power struggle and that jealousy is generally felt by the one losing. For being a psychology masters student she wasn't very good at articulating any of this.

What the Fuck is up with peoples' understanding of love?

I'm not even going to resort to a dictionary to define this.

Love, to me, is the ultimate form of respect, trust, and affection. All things you give. There is no taking in love, just giving and receiving. There should be no power struggle. If you love someone you give them everything you have and receive all they have to give. You don't demand more. There should be no extortion, or manipulation.

I know there is a saying out there about love being a battlefield, but I always thought that was about finding love.

Is my view on love naive? If I am being naive and love is a battlefield I'm not sure I want to be apart of it.

Later Days,
NtH

4 comments:

  1. I don't think your view on love is naive.

    If I've ever had legitamate cause to be jealous in a relationship (I can get jealous over dumb stuff but I hold that shit in b/c it's illogical), that's a sign for me to leave and find someone that will treat me better. Having jealousy rampant in a relationship indicates a lack of trust. That doesn't make for a healthy coupling.

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  2. I am honored to be the object of your completely justified blog crush. I assure you it's mutual! But back to the business at hand... I think your definition of how love should run is pretty f'ing perfect and that is exactly the kind of love that I want to receive and be able to give someone in return. It's hard, but would be awesome and I think that if that is what you want, than you don't settle with someone that would be content with "good enough". The fact that the Russian is describing love, not a relationship but the actually feeling/act of love, as conflict and jealously ridden, some sort of power struggle, tells me that she is probably not someone that could share in your space of love as you define it, it would seem underwhelming to her because it lacks the drama she is used to thriving on in a relationship. I could be way off.
    We should just be in love with each other, it would save us both a lot of drama don't you think?? But then our blogs would be boring and sappy and sucky and that would be a shame.

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  3. WOW, I think your idea of love sounds picture perfect. As a married woman of over 25 years, I can say that my idea of love certainly has changed over the years. One thing I will say for certain, never settle for just "good enough" because everyone deserves better than that. Plus, when the tough times come knockin' at your door, you want someone who's got your back unconditionally, and you won't get that if they are just "good enough".

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  4. Being with my boyfriend for over 2 years, I've learned quite a lot. While I never thought that jealousy was a good trait to have, I did think that it was just something that couldn't be helped. Luckily, he's since then opened my eyes, and I realize now that if you trust someone completely, there shouldn't be any jealousy, and so if he doesn't display jealousy, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me or that he's cheating.
    As for the power struggle, and manipulation part, I can't comment on that as I've never found that to be an attractive quality in either a relationship or a person.
    So, I agree with everyone about the Russian thing. If you were to try to have a relationship with her, it would be much more drama than you probably need in your life.

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My frail ego requires validation.