For Fuck's Sake Friday: Communication.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this recently enough for it to be easily accessed and recalled from your hippocampus but I live with my sisters. They are both single... ish. I'm single, and my friends are all single, at least the ones I hang out with on a regular basis. I have a couple of friends that are in committed healthy relationships; either married, engaged or otherwise boning on a regular basis, but this isn't about them because they've apparently got it all figured out and are living happily ever after. Spending weekends shopping for the perfect accessory to finish off their living room design project, and taking pictures together with their cat.

I sound bitter, but secretly I think I really want someone I can take to art galleries and then to pier 1 to find candles to accentuate the painting I just bought. Then to find a frame to match the candle holders that I didn't realize came with the candles but are horrendously out of place unless I can tie them back into the color spectrum of the room. I know what you're thinking.  Isn't Hero colorblind? To answer your question. "Yes, I'm straight."

Back to the topic at hand. This is something that is a huge issue my siblings and I are having. Junior had this issue as well, so his situation might get mentioned. It is such a huge issue we even brought my mother into the conversation. If it is bad enough that we bring my mother in as a consultant on modern dating we are truly flabbergasted.

My mother was useless, but still.

The issue at hand, if you've read the title I'm sure you have already guessed it, is communication.

I like to start out with a basic definition so we are all on the same ground.

Communication: the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.

In other words, fucking talking, or texting, or emails, or Facebook, or twitter, or phoning, or sign language, or Morse code, or letters, or smoke signals, or writing on cave walls. Really we've come a long way when it comes to ease of communicating with each other. 

Why is it so fucking hard then? 

For example, my little sister is dating a guy, we'll call him Mike, because that is his name. Mike is one of those guys that when he is at work he is impossible to get a hold of. There is an 8 hour black hole of communication. He won't answer his phone, or respond to texts. So when my sister is trying to set up plans for that evening, which he already said yes to being available for and interested in, she gets a little frustrated and ends up giving up and making other plans. Mike gets confused when he finally calls my sister back at 5 pm (he was off work at 4) to ask her about dinner plans and my sister says she is busy. Who's at fault here? In my opinion, Mike is. 

I'm one of those guys that doesn't like to do a whole lot of personal things at work. I blog, but... Shut the fuck up, I do what I want. Anyway... I don't necessarily like to spend the day texting the girl I've been crushing on. I can't, I'm busy, but I will respond to texts and make concrete plans for the evening. I will also send a follow up text when I'm off work to make sure the plans still work. The world is a busy place and shit gets fucked, so plans can change. No big issue, deal with it. I'm a big planner and communicator but not one for small talk by text or phone. 

Junior was seeing this girl. I can't remember her name so for this story she shall be known as "girl". Well girl was kind of like The Doctor in a way. Needy. When it comes to communicating via text, I'm a huge fan because it allows you to be clear concise and to the fucking point. What girl and the doctor wanted was to be inundated with messages of how we couldn't stop thinking about them. Or something like that. They said we didn't talk to them enough. Well what the fuck is enough?

I know what too little is. My older sister was/is (I'm not sure at the moment) dating a guy named Kris. Kris has talked to my sister 3 times in the last 3 weeks. I know it was Christmas but they were dating for 2 months when the holidays hit. The 3 times weren't even the obligatory "Happy New Year", "Merry Christmas" bullshit texts you get from everyone. Were they "Hey how's the snowboarding?" texts that someone who is an avid boarder would be curious to know about? Nope, they were so boring and non engaging that I can't even remember what they fuck they said. My sister isn't impressed she knows it is over but can't bring herself to find the time to commit to getting together with him to let him know. He isn't trying to get together so she is just going to leave it. Which I think is fine. Who needs closure when open ended "who gives a shit" is an option?

Then there is my current conundrum. I have pretty much mastered getting a girls number. I haven't quite mastered remembering to get a hold of them after I sober up, but that isn't the issue here. The ones I do get a hold of the conversation fizzles. Ladies when first texting/talking to a guy that you are trying to figure out if you want to let him play in your love garden, don't answer with one word answers and expect us to carry the conversation. 

I was recently reminded of a movie/ book called "He's just not that into you." and it's true. A guy, if he likes you, will try and go out of his way to talk to you, be around you... etc. However if you find a guy all of a sudden isn't all that keen on texting you or talking to you or making plans, don't assume he found someone else. If it was that easy to hop skip and jump from girl to girl I would have a more interesting blog. He hasn't all of a sudden decided you aren't attractive. No, what has probably happened is he got bored. It could be that you didn't have anything in common to talk about but more likely you didn't manage to hold his attention. 

Remember men these days were raised on action movies and video games. Our attention spans are relatively short. I'm not saying you need to blow shit up or play mind games to keep us interested, but maintain your side of the conversation you vapid origami fortune teller.

To quote a now defunct tv show.
 Nowadays you have to catch someones attention in 140 characters or less.

This brings me to the double standard. Why is it always the guys responsibility to maintain contact. I know of a few girls out there that are all "Why hasn't he called or texted back?" If he likes you, he forgot and will be happy to hear from you again. If he doesn't like you, texting him again isn't going to change that for the worse.  If you like someone text them. I'm sick of hearing this ambiguous "I don't know what is going on because he hasn't texted me back." If you don't like open ended "who gives a shit" and require closure, text them and ask, "What the fuck is up?".

Men, you assholes out there, try and communicate a little bit more of what you feel gasp! and be aware that women these days are just as busy as we are if not moreso, their attention spans aren't any better, but they plan a hell of a lot better than we do. Don't hate them for it, embrace it. Let them know that the 15 minutes they allotted for coffee with you next Thursday is fantastic and you're excited to be there. That is, as long as you don't get bored having a one sided conversation with a yes and no machine till then.

What I'm saying obviously doesn't apply to everyone but if we can be more engaging than a magic eight ball in a conversation and can actually communicate and agree to concrete plans, I think there would be a lot fewer lonely people out there. Myself included.

For Fuck's sake people, talk to each other.

Later Days,
NtH

A question on Etiquette.

I hinted yesterday that I went out on new years eve. It was a riot. Not a real riot but an allegorical riot.

The beer tub girl handed me a handful of pill bottle shots the moment I walked into the bar. Apparently she was quitting and didn't give a flying fuck about her job. I didn't mind because hey, free booze.

The evening's shenanigans included, Ginger, Junior, Token, and I. At midnight we drank an Irish Car-bomb. If you've never had one, you aren't living. I managed to meet a couple girls one of them was showing off her engagement ring, from her fiance that wasn't there but was celebrating new years at home. Yea, I didn't get that either. What guy in love with a girl wouldn't want to spend new years with her? Meh, whatever, her friend was cute. We chatted for a while. Then they were leaving all to quickly. I got her number though. Or at least I thought I did.

Later / as I was getting the number, Token and Junior were arguing about making fun of Ginger for being a chicken shit that never hits on girls and hasn't been laid in forever. Junior was saying that a friend should help a friend out, build them up, and support them. While Token's stance was to make fun of him till he Mans the Fuck Up. The funny thing was while this was happening I had no idea where Ginger was. Turns out he was on the dance floor making out with a chick. The irony wasn't lost on me at all.

Needless to say the night ended with Ginger bringing a whole bunch three girls back to Token and his place. I thought one of them was cute and ended up cuddling wither he on a chair. Don't ask it worked. I walked her home and got her number. I've been chatting with her a bit, not a whole lot but men, now that I'm sober she wasn't that much of a "OMG I MUST HAVE" and more of a, I suppose that could work. Generally not inspiring me to clamor after her.

Instead I was more interested in the first girl, the one with the engaged friend. Here's the thing. I have her full name and what I thought was her number. So, I text her something smart assed and flirty. I get a "Sorry your message to ***-***-**** could not be delivered. We attempted 3 times with no answer. Please try again later." I've never received this kind of notice for delivery failure, I don't think it is from my provider. could it be from her?


Here's the question on etiquette. What do I do? Try to send to the same number again? Send her a message on Facebook? or just forget about it.


My friend Bart told me I should show up at her house and serenade her with a lute and song. I don't think that will go over well. 


I'll keep you posted.

Later Days,
NtH


PS. Oh and Vino has gotten a normal day job now and has informed me that we need to schedule dinners. Fingers crossed.

My Weekend Monday: I'm Back

Oi, fellow internet travelers... or loiterers for most of you. I'm back from my little hiatus.  I have to be honest and say that I missed you. Not a whole lot but a little. I'm excited to start the new year. I have some high hopes for this year.

For those of you that have been around since this time last year when I was on my old blog and made some new years resolutions. I'm glad to report that I kept two of them. The first was "That I won't go to Cuba this year" Well I didn't go to Cuba so that is a win for me... I guess. (this was one of those resolutions I wanted to break) The other was that I would quit smoking. Which I accomplished the last week of 2011. So still a win for me I guess.

This means that I should come up with some new ones for this year. I'm going to keep the one I want to break but modify it. "I will not go on a tropical vacation this year." They say most people fail to keep their resolutions so... I'm going to lay on a beach somewhere. Another resolution I have is to get a girlfriend. Which means I have to date and keep her around to the point that we aren't just dating but have stepped into that "relationship" zone. The next one I have is probably going to help with that last one. I want to get a body that looks like this.

Crazy, stupid, love.

I know it is possible because he used to look like this....

I'll get the inspiration wherever I can.

Alright now that the New Years crap is all taken care of I'll tell you about my little vacation.

TL;DR "It was awesome"

The sunset driving to the mountains. 

Another shot Cause I thought it was pretty.

Mountains!!!

The bottom of the hill.

Ditto.

The outdoor pool and hot tub at the resort we stayed at.

The top

The view

Hiking opportunity that I declined.

Another view shot.

Cool Lighting

view

if you look down below there is a lake... that is Lake Louise. 

the drive home

Another shot of the drive home

Mountian!!!!

Those are all my pictures but I feel I didn't do it justice so here are some professional shots.

A close up of the Chateau on the Lake. (I didn't stay there, I'm way too poor for that)

Banff Springs hotel (I didn't stay here either, still too poor.)

The hot springs where I got a deep tissue massage then soaked.
It was awesome.

There was a lot of good riding on the hill, some good quality time spent with family. I also saw the Beauty and the Beast Broadway show here in Calgary on New Years Eve. 

So fantastic.

Then the drinking began and I'm still feeling it today, where I'm sitting back at my desk in my office. Woot! Here is to another fantastic year.

Later days and much love,

NtH.

Taking a Holiday Break.

I have at least two pieces of news for you today.

I pulled a booger out of my nose that was so long it actually triggered my gag reflex but cured the tickle that was making me cough.

I am also going to be taking a break from posting till probably the new year. I am going to be super busy at work till the 23rd then I'm off on a mini vacation till the second. I have a busy holiday planned. I drive to my aunts place on the 24th and spend the night then back to Calgary for the night of the 25th then I go to the mountains for a week with the family to snowboard and just relax. I'm looking forward to it. I promise I'll come back and write a whole bunch of cool things. I may even have pictures.

Till then I want to say happy holidays and I hope that all of your respective celebrations bring you lots of joy, smiles, laughter and a sense of love. It is a fantastic time of year and I appreciate each and every one of you that reads my blog, you help keep me sane. Well mostly I guess.

I almost forgot, since I wont see you before, Happy New years as well.

Later days,
NtH

This is what I get to look at for the next little bit.