Silly hat party.

Me and my Silly hat. 

These last couple months have been a little bit insane. I've had a couple girlfriends. I've lost 25 pounds. I've went on a couple snowboarding trips and have had a good many adventures. I really wish I could remember all of them. I'm going to try and keep up to date with the blog again. I miss it.

In the meantime I'll leave you with the story of my last girlfriend.

We met through a friend of a friend. It started out slow enough on a random drunken weekend. She was the one that actually pursued me.

She used quotes from a show that is probably the most disturbingly brain scarring thing on the planet. She turned to me and said "Easy now, fuzzy little man peach."

Its from a skit called old greg.

I'm so sorry for making those of you who watched that, watch that.

I knew that she was an awesome girl from the start. We signed up for a citywide nerf battle. I bought her nerf guns instead of flowers. It was fantastic. It didn't last.

She was trying to figure out her life and decided that I was one thing that she didn't have time for. Kinda sucked. I'll survive and move on.

I know this isn't much of a post but I've got to get back into the groove of things.

Later Days,
Hero.

Dating and Independence.

Independence. The thing I was told I needed to have as an adult. Being my own man and never really needing someone else. I've pretty much gotten there. I feel free. It's kind of nice.

The opposite of independence, as far as dating goes is codependence.

I have a friend that is remarkably codependent with his significant other. For the first year of their relationship they never left each others' side. The longest they were ever apart was the 8-12 hours he was at work. They never got sick of each other, which I find remarkable and good for him. However, he isn't the same guy he was before they started dating. Not massive changes, just subtle ones. At times I envy what he has with his girlfriend, then I snap back into my life and am really quite glad that I am as independent as I am.

Independence is great in it's own way. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. The only down side of such complete independence is that it is so goddamn lonely.

What do you do when you're lonely? You try and find someone to keep you company, you date, you have a fling, you have a one night stand, you masturbate furiously. Or you try and fill this void with pets.

Let's start with the last one. "Getting a pet." This is the usual start to the long life of being the crazy dude with 30 cats. (I have a facebook friend that just recently broke up with her boyfriend and within a month had adopted a kitten. Like clock work.) Having a pet is nice, it's no replacement for that special someone that you can unwind and then truly stave off loneliness.

"Masturbating furiously" really doesn't solve anything. It is a stop measure. The only things it really adds to your life is an embarrassing browser history and some chafing. This is not a lasting solution.

"You have a one night stand." Let's be honest here. The only time this happens is when either one or both of the participants are drunk. For me, I'm always drunk when this happens. I usually wake up with no memory of her name, or what part of town I'm in. I usually remember that the sex was sloppy, unsatisfying and altogether not really worth it. Sure they can be fun, if they weren't I wouldn't keep doing it. By noon the following day I'm usually stumbling into my apartment with a headache and an appointment for an std screening.

Next is "the fling". Flings can be just about any array of pointless coitus with someone you either know you don't have a future with or don't want one with. The perfect example of this would be what I had with the cute little redhead. Our schedules never matched up, we had nothing in common but we still managed to hang out and have some fun for a little while. There was no emotional involvement whatsoever though. Therein lies the problem. The sex, as decent as it was, never really wowed me. Mostly because we weren't emotionally invested in it. I've had enough sex in my life now to know that sex with someone you're romantically involved with is far superior to that in a fling. So even though you're getting that physical intimacy you're lacking on the emotional intimacy. Flings are great for stemming the loneliness but it never really pushes it back. In a fling you're just lonely with someone else.

Lastly the only real way to try and get rid of that loneliness is to "date". Being the independent type of individual I am, for the last seven years I've been dating "casually". I've never invested anything more than time and little bit of money into dating someone. Sure I've had some successes but looking back at the dates I've been on most of those turned into flings. I was dating someone just for the sake of dating someone. The ball was in my court though. I set the pace and even how emotionally involved we would be. I know that none of the women I've dated recently came close to what I wanted in a girlfriend. This is probably why I didn't see then what I do now.

I've been dating someone casually for a little over a month now. However, it wasn't me that set this in place. It was her. She was the one that decided she wanted to date casually. She is just as independent as me and at the time I originally thought, "This will be perfect." I was wrong. I'm used to having the reigns in the relationship and now that she has put this stipulation in place I have no idea what to do. I'm left wondering when to call, text, ask out. I mean, I like the girl and want to spend as much time with her as possible but it's her that wants to keep it casual. I don't know exactly what that means. At first I'd talk to her everyday and I'd try and make plans at least once a week. I felt like I was the only one putting in effort so recently I've stopped and figured a little bit of reciprocation would show that she is in fact a little bit interested. It hasn't gone well. The tables have been turned on me and I don't really like it.

I'd figured that casual dating was the way to go when you don't necessarily want to lose your independence. What I hadn't counted on was realizing that independence and loneliness go hand in hand. I've realized while dating someone that is just as independent as I am, that the relationship progression has stopped, and I'm still just as lonely as I was before. True codependence still scares the crap out of me but perhaps, just maybe I'm ready to give up on some of my independence and truly try and find someone to share this wonderful life with.

Later Days,
Hero.

Valentines Day & a New Level of Disappointment.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope it finds you happy and enjoying a squish mitten. Whether it's your squish mitten or someone's you love. Whether that is someone you'll love for now or forever. I wish you happy squishing.

No matter what you originally thought when you saw the title I actually love Valentine's Day. I don't have a very good track record with them though.

Last year was the end of The Russian Saga. Where I actually broke up with her on Valentine's Day. The one before that I was doing snow removal and I spent it chilling outside with a shovel. Real romance right there.

This year I've managed to drip down to a new level of disappointment though. Even if I were to miraculously find love sometime in the next 12 hours it wouldn't do me any good. I wouldn't be enjoying a squish mitten no matter what.

I'm starting to think I'm cursed.

I have contracted Mononucleosis. The kissing disease. Was it worth it? No. I got it from sharing a water bottle with my sister. Fuck.

So happy Valentine's Day Everyone. I'm going back to sleep. I want to go emotionally eat an entire tub of ice cream but... I'm lactose intolerant and ... you know.... I have no appetite because I have FUCKING mono.

Later Days,
Hero.

Lock and Key

I akin women to being the lock of sexual interaction (not a metaphor for vagina either, I'm referring to them as a person it just happens that it matches up so well) They are intricate complex people that have certain levers, pins, and grooves that need to match up exactly in order to unlock. They are the ones that decide what key fits to unlock their sexual desire, whether consciously or subconsciously. 

Men, we are the keys (not referring to penis). We can try and shape the key accordingly to fit the type of lock we want but we are still a key as shaped by life and genetics. We have bumps, grooves, pointy bits, and all the other quirks that can men can possibly have. We are sometimes more complex than the lock itself.

Now, the way society and evolution has set us up in how we find our sexual partners has us men, as keys, running around trying to see if our key matches up to the lock we want to open and women, as locks, mostly let men come to them and together we do a comparison to see if key and lock match up in order to have a sexual interaction.

With the evolution of feminine empowerment, women are becoming more and more independent; more complex in wants and desires. Which I find incredibly attractive but at the same time I would be lying if I said it wasn't a bit more intimidating than the demur women of yesteryear that just wanted the husband to provide and be a good father. This isn't exactly a problem in itself, the problem is that women have started to take their own sexuality into their own hands but haven't fully grabbed the reigns and really taken control. I mean that men are still by and large the ones that are still required to initiate contact and pursue a woman. As a man that has pursued several women in my life, some to a level of success but far more that I've failed on, this seems like an exercise in futility. 

I've read a fair amount of articles that men just need to man up, ask out a woman and everything will be copacetic. Most of these are written by women or attractive men. Just walk up to a woman show her that you want to stick your key in her lock (hehe) and voila success. This just isn't the case for success. I am not an incredibly attractive man but I know I have value, I'm confident, and I think as a key I am pretty fucking awesome. I have no problems talking to a woman. I have no problems asking a woman out. I also have no problem dealing with rejection. Which is why I can keep doing it. There are an inordinate amount of men out there that take rejection to heart, especially when they are young, and becomes a developed behavior of fear and anxiety.

I remember how crushed I was in grade 3 when I told a girl that I liked her and wanted to hold her hand and she told me she liked my friend better. Fuck, the memory of the rejection still tingles the feels. Now imagine all the rejection a guy gets as he goes through growing up. Starting young and getting rejected over and over as he goes from primary school to junior high to high school. It doesn't take long to develop an aversion to that brutal punch to the stomach feeling you get when the girl you're crushing on rejects you. In high school the rejections weren't the nice rejections I get as an adult. They were brutal and cutting, often laced with insults, veiled or blatant. I can definitely relate to most men who suffer from anxiety when it comes to approaching an attractive woman they don't know. It is a little frightening. Eventually we don't want to keep trying our key in locks, after trying and getting rejected so many times it become disheartening and daunting.

This is what doesn't make sense. I can't see inside the lock to find out if the locking mechanism will let me unlock the sexual interaction. It's only when women get a good look at the key(me) do they decide if it will unlock the fun times and it stands we have men running around trying to see if they are the key that unlocks every lock that they fancy. Picture that for a minute. Seems like a scene from a cartoon. On top of that we have men that are terrified of offering up their true key to women in fear of rejection. There's been to many locks trapped with Acme explosives.

The solutions.

There is an entire community of PUA that are trying to turn men into the skeleton key that will unlock every lock. It isn't an exact science but they are getting better and better at figuring out what women want, at least initially, to get them to take a closer look at the key to see if it will unlock the sexual interaction.  There have been some master keys made that unlock a surprising amount of locks but there is still no true skeleton key taht will work on every lock. What is also happening is women are becoming aware that these master keys are being made and they are beginning to recognize them and adjust their internal mechanisms to compromise. (IE. pea-cocking was blatantly called out in the movie 17 again) Besides, it is treating a symptom of the problem but not the problem itself.

I thought about it and realized everything is all backwards. When I find a key in my house, a real key that is. I don't run around and try and find the lock in unlocks. It's usually the other way. I see a lock I want to unlock and then I go looking for the key. So why isn't that happening in society?

Women, as locks and the independent creatures they have turned into, need to grab hold of the reigns and go out looking for that key that fits. I know some women have but most haven't. By and large women still want the key to come to them. I read on reddit.com the other day, a thread that was asking how men felt about being approached by a woman. By and large there as a massive outpouring of "FUCK YEA YOU SHOULD" and why wouldn't we. It makes sense. As the lock you have a way better understanding of what kind of key will unlock the door to sexual interaction far better than I do as a key.

This brings up the thread that I read today. "Ladies is getting laid for you as easy as everyone assumes it is?" As of writing this the top comment was, and it was the common sentiment, "The majority of people I could have sex with are definitely not people I would want to have sex with." Which I think is complete and utter bullshit. Either that or her standards are way to high. As a woman if you actively went out and talked to every guy that you found attractive, I'm willing to bet that one of them would be worthy or taking home, if that is what you wanted, or taking out on a date, but you don't do that. You stand around in the little circles of friends (which is even more frightening to approach as a man) and wait for the key to come to you. I get that approaching a guy is scary, that fear of rejection, it sucks, but it is the same fear that is keeping that guy from approaching you. (Unlike men though, the odds are in your favor.) Perhaps we should be meeting in the middle.

I'm not saying that all the responsibility is on women to find the key that fits. I think it is both the lock and key's responsibility to find each other. I'm just sick of reading about how men aren't what they used to be and of course we aren't, women aren't either. The social dynamic has changed but the dating dynamic is trying to stay the same and it isn't working.

End Rant.

Later Days,
Hero.

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Free Online Dating Sites

Fuck it, I'm done.

I can't do it anymore. I'm actually going to delete my POF.com profile. Yup, completely gone.

I've had the profile since some time in 2007, it is officially the longest relationship I've ever had. Other than Hotmail of course but I mean she doesn't count I only visit her once in a while and never really look after her. She is my neglected mistress.

As far as POF is concerned, I've had many iterations of my profile, a varied array of pictures, some remarkably flattering, some silly and I've pretty much run the gambit of the site. I've had some success in meeting women but nothing of substance. Also, when I did actually meet a woman it was never me who initiated contact.

Now I understand the concept that I'd actually have to send out messages in order to receive responses and I'll admit that for the vast majority of time my profile has been on that site I never did. This was for a couple reasons.

The main reason was, I had nothing to actually put in a message. The profiles on that site are about as interesting as instant Ichiban soup when you lose the flavor packet. If there was nothing interesting in the profile what the fuck am I supposed to send? Especially when at the end of the profile it says "I don't respond to generic messages like hi or hey, how's it going."

Fine, I'll send you a message that reads "I'm super glad that I finally found a girl that says 'Friends and family are important.' You're just what I'm looking for." You know I might actually send some of those out just for fun before I delete my profile. Could make for some interesting responses.

Another reason, is the blatant 'I'm here for attention' profile. Ooooh look cleavage, I know, I'll message her and I just know that she'll respond. I know that the massive amounts of horny guys on the internet will never message her and we will meet and fall head over heals in love. Oooh look a blatant mirror ass shot.... you get the idea. I can't imagine the shear volume of messages these women must get. I bet they don't even read any of them.

Those are the main reasons for never sending messages. The other reasons are the usual things like attraction and common interests. Without those I didn't message either.

Lastly, the number one reason I'm leaving is that I actually tried. I spent a decent amount of time sorting through the the boring, obese, illiterate, and attention seeking whores women to see if I could actually find a couple worth messaging and I did. I found a whole bunch but it took a fuck load of time. I mean I messaged probably 50 women on that site in the last month and a half and probably spent close to 50 hours to find them. This wouldn't bother me, in fact if it had worked and I got one date out of it I'd consider the effort worth while. You know how many responses I got? Three. Mother fucking, Three.

One of those was an outright rejection, the other two fizzled within three messages. Out of those two I stopped responding to one because I think she might have been a lamp disguised as an intelligent woman. The other one just stopped mid conversation, no reason. Just poof.

So I'm done. For Fuck's Sake I'm done.

So what next then? Go back to the old fashioned way of meeting women? Chasing them in the park. I mean, it worked when I was 12.

I've tried Eharmony before. That was a crock of shit. When I specified physical fitness as 'high' on my important things list I got large women that liked to walk. I'm 99% sure that the "We match you on personality" claim is bull shit too. I got matched up with an ex whom I had broken up with because I despised her personality. So Eharmony is out.

I took a gander at singleswarehouse to see if there were any women on there in my area. There were 17. Not a big enough pool to draw from so that is out.

Then there is howaboutwe.com. It could be a possibility. We'll see.

My sister has had some good luck on Match.com. Maybe I'll try that one.

Anyone have any good suggestions for online dating sites?

Later Days,
Hero.

I got called a Slut.

It was by my sister and I deserved it.

I had a whole bunch of sex in a matter of days. It was awesome. It was drunken debauched with multiple women and fun. I have no regrets. It was a the best way to finish off the great year of 2012.

This past year has been a relatively calm one in my life. It was a lot of fun. There was a lot of self growth. Reading back over my last year has seen some serious emotional stability come into my life.

There were many women, Vino, The Russian, Fybro/Red, cute little redhead, Chase, The vet, and Curls. Some of these lasted a while, and some were brief little flashes in the pan. I learned a lot though. I learned what type of woman I'm looking for, as well as what type of man I actually am. Which means this year may actually have even more success in this department.

Reading back on these last couple months, the ones where I never posted, I see that I've changed my paradigms a fair bit. It's possible I've been out living life, or that I haven't been. Depending on perspective. There haven't been any insane adventures, I mean there have been adventures but nothing that would get me arrested like years prior. I've just been keeping busy doing what I love. I know it isn't very exciting, but hitting the gym, climbing, and snowboarding has made time fly by and I'm in a better emotional place than I think I ever have been before, as well as on my way to meeting last years new years resolution.

So what does all this mean?

New years resolutions like I've done in the past? No. They never work anyway and I always forget about them after a month.

I'm sure this year will bring many many more adventures my way. I'll drag you along for as much of it as I can. First up, recovery for my liver which is still having a very, very hard time getting back to normal after the holidays.

After that, we shall have to wait and find out. I do have some stuff planned.

Later Days,
Hero