Friday, January 4, 2013

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Free Online Dating Sites

Fuck it, I'm done.

I can't do it anymore. I'm actually going to delete my profile. Yup, completely gone.

I've had the profile since some time in 2007, it is officially the longest relationship I've ever had. Other than Hotmail of course but I mean she doesn't count I only visit her once in a while and never really look after her. She is my neglected mistress.

As far as POF is concerned, I've had many iterations of my profile, a varied array of pictures, some remarkably flattering, some silly and I've pretty much run the gambit of the site. I've had some success in meeting women but nothing of substance. Also, when I did actually meet a woman it was never me who initiated contact.

Now I understand the concept that I'd actually have to send out messages in order to receive responses and I'll admit that for the vast majority of time my profile has been on that site I never did. This was for a couple reasons.

The main reason was, I had nothing to actually put in a message. The profiles on that site are about as interesting as instant Ichiban soup when you lose the flavor packet. If there was nothing interesting in the profile what the fuck am I supposed to send? Especially when at the end of the profile it says "I don't respond to generic messages like hi or hey, how's it going."

Fine, I'll send you a message that reads "I'm super glad that I finally found a girl that says 'Friends and family are important.' You're just what I'm looking for." You know I might actually send some of those out just for fun before I delete my profile. Could make for some interesting responses.

Another reason, is the blatant 'I'm here for attention' profile. Ooooh look cleavage, I know, I'll message her and I just know that she'll respond. I know that the massive amounts of horny guys on the internet will never message her and we will meet and fall head over heals in love. Oooh look a blatant mirror ass shot.... you get the idea. I can't imagine the shear volume of messages these women must get. I bet they don't even read any of them.

Those are the main reasons for never sending messages. The other reasons are the usual things like attraction and common interests. Without those I didn't message either.

Lastly, the number one reason I'm leaving is that I actually tried. I spent a decent amount of time sorting through the the boring, obese, illiterate, and attention seeking whores women to see if I could actually find a couple worth messaging and I did. I found a whole bunch but it took a fuck load of time. I mean I messaged probably 50 women on that site in the last month and a half and probably spent close to 50 hours to find them. This wouldn't bother me, in fact if it had worked and I got one date out of it I'd consider the effort worth while. You know how many responses I got? Three. Mother fucking, Three.

One of those was an outright rejection, the other two fizzled within three messages. Out of those two I stopped responding to one because I think she might have been a lamp disguised as an intelligent woman. The other one just stopped mid conversation, no reason. Just poof.

So I'm done. For Fuck's Sake I'm done.

So what next then? Go back to the old fashioned way of meeting women? Chasing them in the park. I mean, it worked when I was 12.

I've tried Eharmony before. That was a crock of shit. When I specified physical fitness as 'high' on my important things list I got large women that liked to walk. I'm 99% sure that the "We match you on personality" claim is bull shit too. I got matched up with an ex whom I had broken up with because I despised her personality. So Eharmony is out.

I took a gander at singleswarehouse to see if there were any women on there in my area. There were 17. Not a big enough pool to draw from so that is out.

Then there is It could be a possibility. We'll see.

My sister has had some good luck on Maybe I'll try that one.

Anyone have any good suggestions for online dating sites?

Later Days,


  1. eHarmony is definitely a piece of shit. I got rejected back when I tried it. Then, I went back through and tried to make myself as appealing as possible, and I got exactly two matches. So, I decided to take a massive steaming pile of shit on the site.

  2. A couple guy friends explained to enthusiastic and certain terms that I was a "fucking idiot" for looking for a relationship on POF when it was widely known as a place for "booty calls and casual fucks". Silly me. Now all those sketchy dates made sense....

    I gave up on internet dating entirely so I'm useless to you....though can I suggest Cheek'd. is a great new way to date "online". I interviewed the founder for The Indie Chicks (which I still want you writing for). You can check it out here. Lori Cheek is the name. Look into it and let me know what you think. :D

  3. IMO, POF is sort of the trailer park version of an online dating site. I'm not saying any of them are great, just that POF was awful. I tried, because I know three people who met their current spouse or significant other there, and I talked to a few women and had one date, but nothing came of it. They all cost too much for very little ROI if you ask me.


My frail ego requires validation.