Thursday, January 31, 2013
Lock and Key
I akin women to being the lock of sexual interaction (not a metaphor for vagina either, I'm referring to them as a person it just happens that it matches up so well) They are intricate complex people that have certain levers, pins, and grooves that need to match up exactly in order to unlock. They are the ones that decide what key fits to unlock their sexual desire, whether consciously or subconsciously.
Men, we are the keys (not referring to penis). We can try and shape the key accordingly to fit the type of lock we want but we are still a key as shaped by life and genetics. We have bumps, grooves, pointy bits, and all the other quirks that can men can possibly have. We are sometimes more complex than the lock itself.
Now, the way society and evolution has set us up in how we find our sexual partners has us men, as keys, running around trying to see if our key matches up to the lock we want to open and women, as locks, mostly let men come to them and together we do a comparison to see if key and lock match up in order to have a sexual interaction.
With the evolution of feminine empowerment, women are becoming more and more independent; more complex in wants and desires. Which I find incredibly attractive but at the same time I would be lying if I said it wasn't a bit more intimidating than the demur women of yesteryear that just wanted the husband to provide and be a good father. This isn't exactly a problem in itself, the problem is that women have started to take their own sexuality into their own hands but haven't fully grabbed the reigns and really taken control. I mean that men are still by and large the ones that are still required to initiate contact and pursue a woman. As a man that has pursued several women in my life, some to a level of success but far more that I've failed on, this seems like an exercise in futility.
I've read a fair amount of articles that men just need to man up, ask out a woman and everything will be copacetic. Most of these are written by women or attractive men. Just walk up to a woman show her that you want to stick your key in her lock (hehe) and voila success. This just isn't the case for success. I am not an incredibly attractive man but I know I have value, I'm confident, and I think as a key I am pretty fucking awesome. I have no problems talking to a woman. I have no problems asking a woman out. I also have no problem dealing with rejection. Which is why I can keep doing it. There are an inordinate amount of men out there that take rejection to heart, especially when they are young, and becomes a developed behavior of fear and anxiety.
I remember how crushed I was in grade 3 when I told a girl that I liked her and wanted to hold her hand and she told me she liked my friend better. Fuck, the memory of the rejection still tingles the feels. Now imagine all the rejection a guy gets as he goes through growing up. Starting young and getting rejected over and over as he goes from primary school to junior high to high school. It doesn't take long to develop an aversion to that brutal punch to the stomach feeling you get when the girl you're crushing on rejects you. In high school the rejections weren't the nice rejections I get as an adult. They were brutal and cutting, often laced with insults, veiled or blatant. I can definitely relate to most men who suffer from anxiety when it comes to approaching an attractive woman they don't know. It is a little frightening. Eventually we don't want to keep trying our key in locks, after trying and getting rejected so many times it become disheartening and daunting.
This is what doesn't make sense. I can't see inside the lock to find out if the locking mechanism will let me unlock the sexual interaction. It's only when women get a good look at the key(me) do they decide if it will unlock the fun times and it stands we have men running around trying to see if they are the key that unlocks every lock that they fancy. Picture that for a minute. Seems like a scene from a cartoon. On top of that we have men that are terrified of offering up their true key to women in fear of rejection. There's been to many locks trapped with Acme explosives.
There is an entire community of PUA that are trying to turn men into the skeleton key that will unlock every lock. It isn't an exact science but they are getting better and better at figuring out what women want, at least initially, to get them to take a closer look at the key to see if it will unlock the sexual interaction. There have been some master keys made that unlock a surprising amount of locks but there is still no true skeleton key taht will work on every lock. What is also happening is women are becoming aware that these master keys are being made and they are beginning to recognize them and adjust their internal mechanisms to compromise. (IE. pea-cocking was blatantly called out in the movie 17 again) Besides, it is treating a symptom of the problem but not the problem itself.
I thought about it and realized everything is all backwards. When I find a key in my house, a real key that is. I don't run around and try and find the lock in unlocks. It's usually the other way. I see a lock I want to unlock and then I go looking for the key. So why isn't that happening in society?
Women, as locks and the independent creatures they have turned into, need to grab hold of the reigns and go out looking for that key that fits. I know some women have but most haven't. By and large women still want the key to come to them. I read on reddit.com the other day, a thread that was asking how men felt about being approached by a woman. By and large there as a massive outpouring of "FUCK YEA YOU SHOULD" and why wouldn't we. It makes sense. As the lock you have a way better understanding of what kind of key will unlock the door to sexual interaction far better than I do as a key.
This brings up the thread that I read today. "Ladies is getting laid for you as easy as everyone assumes it is?" As of writing this the top comment was, and it was the common sentiment, "The majority of people I could have sex with are definitely not people I would want to have sex with." Which I think is complete and utter bullshit. Either that or her standards are way to high. As a woman if you actively went out and talked to every guy that you found attractive, I'm willing to bet that one of them would be worthy or taking home, if that is what you wanted, or taking out on a date, but you don't do that. You stand around in the little circles of friends (which is even more frightening to approach as a man) and wait for the key to come to you. I get that approaching a guy is scary, that fear of rejection, it sucks, but it is the same fear that is keeping that guy from approaching you. (Unlike men though, the odds are in your favor.) Perhaps we should be meeting in the middle.
I'm not saying that all the responsibility is on women to find the key that fits. I think it is both the lock and key's responsibility to find each other. I'm just sick of reading about how men aren't what they used to be and of course we aren't, women aren't either. The social dynamic has changed but the dating dynamic is trying to stay the same and it isn't working.