What the Fuck Wednesday: Asshole.

I'm going to premise this post by saying I almost got a black eye this last weekend.

Enter stage left, myself, Mr. Not the Hero himself. In his true to form self. Drunk. I had somehow managed to only eat popcorn for dinner Friday night, but decided that doing ridiculous amounts of shots and drinking PBR would be a great time. Oh did I mention I was also in a rock bar. I don't been just any rock bar, but live music, screaming skin head, rock bar. I didn't do half bad, I actually knew people there. I played pool. I was actually having a great time. However, I eventually lost the guy I was there with and ended up a little bit loser pissed. I remember everything but I lost my filter at some point. Nothing of importance happened till after the bar had closed.

I'm outside smoking and I see this girl. She's cute, fashionable, and sad. I go over and sit down next to her on the steps. This is how the conversation goes.

NtH: Hi, you doing alright?

Her: Yea, I'm fine.

NtH: OK, How's your night going?

Her: I said I'm fine.

NtH: Oh Come on, I was just trying to be nice.

Her: Fuck off.

NtH: Fine, go fuck yourself.

I didn't get up and move though. She started glaring at me. I didn't give a fuck, I lounged out on the steps and crossed my legs. I was people watching and completely ignoring the girl sulking next to me. She got up, stormed away from me and told me to leave her alone. I just waved and smiled. She yelled at me to stop looking at her. In doing so she managed to catch the eye of a fat, drunk ass, native, bitch... I mean super nice vigilante. She looked at me walked over yelled "Douche Bag" and just started fucking swinging. She actually landed some punches. I had no Idea what to do. I stuck my hands in my pockets and ran toward the bouncer. I got there with the chick hot on my heals. "Can you just let me in so this drunk bitch will stop punching me in the face." Luckily I knew the manager of the bar and the bouncer vouched saying that I didn't actually do anything wrong. I said I didn't want to call the cops I just wanted to wait inside till the crazies were gone. I was fucking wasted and bringing police into it wasn't going to help me out at all. I sat inside for about 30 minutes till they left.

I went outside bought a bag of chips at a Mac's store notorious for junkies (crack Mac's) and then offered the junkies chips whenever they asked me for change. Surprisingly enough when the cop showed up he asked me what I was doing, "Eating Chips, watching junkies.", he just told me to go home. I made it home around 5 am.

Now that you know the story, I'll tell you why it was only "almost" a black eye. I don't bruise easily. Nobody said a word about it the next day because you couldn't see it. It was sore but it never bruised and never swelled.

The only thing that even remotely bothers me about this night was, and this has been happening a lot lately and I think people need to understand the difference between these things, is the vigilante decided that I was a "Douche bag" before trying to cave my face in. However the problem is that I wasn't being a douch bag. I was being an asshole. These things are not synonyms.

You can be a douche bag, and an asshole, sure, but being an asshole does not automatically put you into column A.

To be a douche bag you don't even have to be an asshole. Most of the time said douche bag is an asshole but he is unaware of it and being said asshole is more a side effect of what makes him a douche bag in the first place. Arrogance and stupidity.

Arrogance combined with stupidity is what makes them wear the ed hardy, affliction, and other "I'm a fighter" brand clothing. It's what makes them think that getting the tribal armband is still bad ass. It's what makes them lift the fuck out of their trucks yet never leave the city. It's what makes them rice out their Sunfires with fake air intakes and massive spoilers. Fake tans, HGH and new fucking hair cuts. Use the suffix ski: Broski, brewski. It's what happens when an entitled nitwit, that was never told no, is allowed to run amok without consequences.

I get called arrogant at times, and at times I can come across that way, I know. It's something I don't like about myself and I'm working on it. Overcompensating for insecurities or something like that. If you believe the head shrinkers out there.

Here's the key point that separates me from being a douche bag. I don't look arrogant I just sound arrogant sometimes. (You try not to sound condescending when telling someone that the titanic was an actual ship that sank and not just a movie) I'm smarter than the average bear and I know it. That's the fucking problem.

However, being an asshole is still just what it is, being an asshole.

I lived up to my moniker once again.

Later Days,
NtH