Friday, August 10, 2012

Soft Core Friday: I'm back.

I'm lonely.... not really.
I've recently learned that this has become a line guys have been using to try and get ladies. I don't get it. I mean, I get it as a guy but I also like to think I understand women. I'm sometimes wrong but I get by batting way over five hundred. The whole problem with announcing that your lonely to the woman you are trying to swoon is this. You sound pathetic. The guys brain is thinking "If she likes me and thinks I'm lonely she will automatically want to fix it." This is how a guy's brain works. It irritates women to no end how we always want to fix things. Women as a whole don't suffer these urges so "I'm lonely" has the opposite effect than you had hoped. She will probably be less inclined to come over and touch your man bits.

This got me to thinking, what would be a good line or thing to say/text to a woman to convey that you're interested in her and want her, like now. "I want to rock your body with orgasms till you weep." was the first thing to pop into my mind. It seems rather effective at conveying the general intent but lacking a certain finesse and unless you've already had some sexy time with said woman this is just going to come across as... hmm, let's see "rape-y".

There is the ever ready line "Want to come over and watch a movie?" I'm not going to lie and say I've never used it because I have. It has worked many times but it has also back fired almost as many times and ladies, that's just cruel. Nothing like sitting through the first half of "how to lose a guy in ten days" only to realize that your lady friend literally just came over to watch a movie. Ladies if a guy ever asks you to come over and watch a movie, he usually wants to touch your naughty bits. If you come over and sit as far away from him on the couch it is like setting a plate of cookies just out of the reach of a five year old. He may even cry a little. If you didn't want to even cuddle why the fuck did you come over. Watch a movie by your self at your own god damn house. Movie watching isn't exactly engaging.

So now I'm stumped. What would be a good straight forward, to avoid watching chick flicks, and non creeper way of telling a woman that you want to have sexy times with her. You could try being dapper, "By chance ,fair lady, would you like to go gallivanting in my chambers wearing naught but your bloomers?"  I love it! I somehow don't think this would be particularly effective.


 There is always the most straight forward way possible and it is kinda creepy but I mean if you think you're at a point where you think sex could happen then it should work. I can't claim in as my own but I've loved it ever since the show first aired. I wish they never cancelled it but Rocko from Undergrads may have said it best. "Can I offer you sex, in exchange for, sex?"

On a more personal note, my life has gotten back to some semblance of order and I actually have time to write and you know, think. I will be posting more often again. I can't promise it will be good but I will be posting. I of course owe a huge shout out to random girl for the soft core friday theme she started oh so long ago. I've also started a new writing project, a novel. I'm trying to decide if I should start a new blog space for it and to do a "Live write" Where everything I write just gets added to the blog every time I write something new. I think it would be interesting. I'll give you guys more details soon.

Later Days,


  1. I just haven't met the right girl yet.... woe is me...

    Translation: She won't go ass to mouth and she talks during sports. (or something along those lines)

    I like your take on the situation. It's not about lines, it's not about game. It's about being real. You find better quality that way. Quantity may suffer, but quality will not.

  2. 1st...Brandom...ATM...NOT Ok!

    Now...onto this post. I can honestly say is somebody I was close to having sex with or had already had sex with asked me to come over to "gallivant" in his chambers wearing naught but my bloomers I'd BE THERE! Like immediately...that is GREAT!

    I have always appreciated a straight forward approach but WITHOUT the promises of leg numbing loving that is so rarely delivered. I don't want boasting I just want a simple, "I want you. I have to have you." It's amazing how enticing that is. We usually convince ourselves we are the only one receiving that message, even though we probably aren't, because that is how we work. Just saying.

  3. I'm with Jewels and the whole gallivanting line. It's original and quirky and weird. The trifecta of awesome pickup lines! And, those same three adjectives could be applied to the sort of guys I like to date. An all around win!


My frail ego requires validation.