What the Fuck Wednesday. The future.

I don't know if you've noticed but I've been doing a lot of soul searching for the last week and a half. I haven't found it.

Today's post is brought to you by the letter C. I'm not going to tell you why, it just is.

Now, onto the more important side of things. Since I am going to be relatively sober for the next month and summer is pretty much over I am going to need something new to spend my weekends doing, till snowboarding starts.

I was on twitter yesterday while I was browsing Plenty of Fish and one of my followers, (I really don't know what to call her but she comments as Natasha so we'll go with that) and I got to chatting about online dating and how it never works for me.

I'm probably the least photogenic person on the planet. (If Vegas is reading this he'll comment in the bottom and probably agree.) So seeing as I don't look good in photos online dating becomes an issue because the photo is 95 percent of the profile. I can be as witty and funny as I want if I look like I got hit in the face with a shovel and making some weird facial expression it isn't going to amount to anything.

I don't even know what it is that makes me take bad photos. My head at the wrong angle, or my face deciding now would be a good time to try out that new expression. You know the one. The one were it looks like my lower right face is in the middle of a stroke, my lower left decides dimples would be neat, my nose decides to wrinkle and me eyes decide to focus on different things.  I honestly have facial expressions in photos that I can't recreate.

If I was a super hero the camera would be my weakness.

I once read that "There is no such thing as photogenic, either you're ugly or you're not."

Then my sister became a model and told me that line is a load of shit. There is a way of posing, looking, and smiling that can be trained into someone to make them more photogenic.

So not all is lost. I just need to find a photographer that can make me look in photos like I do in real life.

What have we learned so far? I don't look good on camera.
What are the consequences of this? I can only wrangle fat ugly chicks on online dating sites.

Seriously What The Fuck is that. 

So what does this have to do with you guys right? I mean it is all about you.

I'm going to be opening my dating profile to you guys to comment on and give me feed back. Once this is done I will be asking for message help/ if needed (kinda like Soph over here) and writing about my dating experiences for your entertainment.

ASIDE: By the way, Soph let me write a message to one of the creepers hitting on her. She actually sent it and it is fucking hilarious. Go look. 

So first things first helping me set up a profile.

Below is the text of my profile. Do your worst criticizing it and make it better.

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Me
Little bit about me, where to start. My name is NTH. I like a wide range of things. Whether, I'm chilling in my t-shirt and jeans going to the movies or out for beer, or I'm dressed up to the nines and going to the symphony, or I look like a homeless man and I'm doing a three day trek in the mountains, I just want to have fun.

The woman of my dreams is one that can tell me when I'm being a goof, and laugh with me, can tell me when I'm being a total idiot, but isn't afraid to be an idiot with me. Someone that has a sense of humor. Someone I can take snowboarding and out on the town. I'd like a girl with ambition, and dreams.
That isn't too much to ask is it?

My favorite things
Laughing till I can't breath
Chocolate truffles
The feeling I get in my stomach on roller coasters or when I'm up really high.
Reading and writing.
Having someone special fall asleep in my arms

Favorite quote: "In a universe so full of wonder and amazing things, humans have managed to invent boredom."

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Alright let's fix up the text and then we can start on finding a decent photo of myself.

Later days.

NtH

PS. Oh and please do comment, I kinda want this to be successful and if you don't comment I'm afraid the only thing I'm going to get online is something like this.

Don't let it eat me.

PPS.

Seriously?

My weekend Monday: Notice the title change edition.

I've decided I'm going to get away from the drunken debauchery that I've been relishing for the last little while.

I have a hard time quitting cold turkey though. So this weekend I did get a little bit tipsy.

Friday night I went out with Vegas and we drank and laughed at hipsters. I did get a lot drunk and ended up at an after party it was relatively low key considering the last month. There was no pooping or peeing on anything.

Surprisingly I didn't do or say anything that was overtly asshole-ish.

Saturday I spent the morning recovering and then went to a "Stampeders" game. That is a CFL team or Canadian Football league, for anyone that isn't from Canada.

It was a good game. Well played on both sides. Calgary won, much to the disappointment of one of the guys I was with.

The best part about the game came sometime in the second half.

Not my Video FYI. Full credit to whoever uploaded it.

This guy should play for the CFL. He managed to make it from one end of the field to the other and then back to where he finally gave up.  Fucking hilarious, of course this could just be the amount of beer I had drank by this point in time, but I found it awesomely funny.

Saturday night was meh, I couldn't seem to get drunk and just wasn't feeling the crowd that was at the bar I was at.

Sunday I didn't feel like doing anything but got talked into playing poker and then promptly fell asleep around 7.

Overall this weekend was a great way to close out my summer of debauchery. I think I'm going to try and go sober/not drunk till Juniors birthday in October.

Later Days
NTH

For Fuck's Sake Friday: Wasting time.

I went out for drinks with a friend from work. Let's call her Vino. Vino is awesome, she is smart, cute, funny, opinionated, capable of having a prolonged intelligent conversation about just about anything, and... she has a boyfriend. If you guessed the boyfriend isn't me, you have guessed correctly.

While we were out for drinks she told me that she has come to the realization that her boyfriend is an idiot. I don't like to pry into people's personal lives so I pretty much just left it at that. However, she continued and said that she is pretty sure that she is going to move out (she lives with him) when her lease is up. She didn't come right out and say that she is planning on breaking up with him, but she might as well have.

I again, didn't press for details.

This is where the theme for today's post comes from; for fuck's sake, quit wasting time. Why would you continue to be with someone that you already know isn't going to work out in the long run?

I'm not saying that I would be a better candidate for her to be with, I really don't know if we would work or not. I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. Just a little.

This isn't the only time that this has happened when it comes to friends of mine staying in a shitty situation.

I have a guy friend that is still Mormon, one of few. He got married relatively fast, even by Mormon standards. They met and six months later they were married and bound together for all eternity. Roughly three years later, he can't stand her. Divorce, in the Mormon church is frowned upon. When I mean frowned upon I mean a leper covered in shit caked infected sores would have a better chance making friends with people in the church than he would after a divorce. It is almost always social suicide for a Mormon to get a divorce. Think about breaking a promise to your supposed deity that you are going to be bound body and soul to this person for all eternity and then a couple years later go "Sorry God, oops I fudged up, your divinely sanctioned marriage isn't going to work. Can I y'know just get a redo?" Needless to say I still think that he should leave the psycho bitch before he ends up like my father.

When you're in a shitty situation long enough, eventually you learn to deal with the smell and take comfort in the texture and familiarity. Every once in a while you'll get surprised by something nice, like a piece of undigested sweet corn. This will now be what you look forward to. This is what your relationship will progress to if you choose to stay in a relationship that you know isn't going to work.

I understand couple's therapy can help but let's not kid ourselves. It's the Fe-breeze in the shitty situation. If you've ever used Fe-breeze it says it fixes the problem but from my experience it just covers up the smell for a while, making you forget that you are still completely and utterly surrounded by shit.

I see it all too many times where people put themselves into a relationship that isn't going to work strictly because they A) don't want to be alone, B) don't want to hurt someone else's feelings, or C) are too cowardly to actually change something in their life.

For those of you that are in a Relationshit and are miserable. I don't care. I'm single and relatively content. You have made a choice to be in that relationship. Stop complaining about it and fix it or fuck off.

So I'll say it again, For Fuck's Sake, quit wasting time being miserable in a shitty situation and move on. You never know you might actually find something good.

Later Days,
NTH

PS. I could be just a bitter, single, asshole that doesn't get it but I doubt it.

No more.

Just so everyone knows there will no longer be a Hung over Monday post. I haven't decided what I'm going to do quite yet but I know that what happened this last weekend really shouldn't be repeated. Eventually I will get in trouble. It was a lot of fun while it lasted. 

I feel that as the summer comes to an end, (I'm Canadian, it really is almost over) I need to take my life on a different path, than the fun loving, over the top, depraved, drunken mess I have been. Where I'm going to take it and with it this blog, I don't know. 

Sobriety isn't much fun but neither is getting jail time, so somewhere in the middle?

I will have a For Fuck's sake Friday post. Stay tuned. 

Later Days,

NTH

I tried writing a post that was actually worth reading and it just wasn't happening. My brain is fried. I need to take a break from life for a bit. To bad that isn't an option.

/nap.