God damn this fucking game has sucked away all of my motivation and free time. Sure I've been it a bunch of times but I keep coming back to it. It's like video game crystal meth.
http://gabrielecirulli.github.io/2048/ Go here at your own risk.
Fuck it. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get back into writing. It's already May and I haven't written more than 50 words. Fuck me sideways with a wooden spoon.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
It's a new year.
It's now been some hours into 2014 and I find myself staring at my blog and wondering what happened.
I know what happened. I lost my motivation to write. I had completely lost my will and desire to write. No fiction, no blog, nothing. I don't know why either but I feel the bug, the writers bug, crawling back into my brainspace.
It isn't that I wasn't living a life worth talking about because that just is plain untrue. I've had some ridiculous adventures in the last year and sadly I haven't shared any of them with you. I didn't even jot notes down anywhere to jog my memories into a place that I could write them down if I wanted to. I mean I remember events but not in the detail that I like to write about them in.
Sure I could tell you about the women I've dated in the last year but I don't think I will. I've decided that I don't want this to be a "dating" blog. For one; I don't think it is conducive to dating. I know I would be put off a little bit if I learned after a while that the girl I was dating was putting our relationship on blast for the world to see. For two; I think in writing about my dating life it let me super duper hyper critical about everything little thing. Instead of just sitting back and enjoying the ride I was over thinking every god damn action to the point of being neurotic, so I think little things might creep into the blog but there won't be any more "post date blinks" posts.
I'm going to write a lot more fiction. I'm sure some of my readers (that are still here) remember that I am still writing a novel or two. I'm going to try and put a little bit more effort into them and get some more readership. Any help with that will definitely be appreciated.
I'm going to try and write at least 100,000 new words this year, somewhere, whether it be on this blog or my other novel blogs.
The Unrighteous Series
I know what happened. I lost my motivation to write. I had completely lost my will and desire to write. No fiction, no blog, nothing. I don't know why either but I feel the bug, the writers bug, crawling back into my brainspace.
It isn't that I wasn't living a life worth talking about because that just is plain untrue. I've had some ridiculous adventures in the last year and sadly I haven't shared any of them with you. I didn't even jot notes down anywhere to jog my memories into a place that I could write them down if I wanted to. I mean I remember events but not in the detail that I like to write about them in.
Sure I could tell you about the women I've dated in the last year but I don't think I will. I've decided that I don't want this to be a "dating" blog. For one; I don't think it is conducive to dating. I know I would be put off a little bit if I learned after a while that the girl I was dating was putting our relationship on blast for the world to see. For two; I think in writing about my dating life it let me super duper hyper critical about everything little thing. Instead of just sitting back and enjoying the ride I was over thinking every god damn action to the point of being neurotic, so I think little things might creep into the blog but there won't be any more "post date blinks" posts.
I'm going to write a lot more fiction. I'm sure some of my readers (that are still here) remember that I am still writing a novel or two. I'm going to try and put a little bit more effort into them and get some more readership. Any help with that will definitely be appreciated.
I'm going to try and write at least 100,000 new words this year, somewhere, whether it be on this blog or my other novel blogs.
The Unrighteous Series
Class One Order
I plan on sticking to writing this year. It is something I truly miss and makes me happy. Here's to 2014. I look forward to sharing it with you.
I plan on sticking to writing this year. It is something I truly miss and makes me happy. Here's to 2014. I look forward to sharing it with you.
Hero.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Silly hat party.
 |
| Me and my Silly hat. |
In the meantime I'll leave you with the story of my last girlfriend.
We met through a friend of a friend. It started out slow enough on a random drunken weekend. She was the one that actually pursued me.
She used quotes from a show that is probably the most disturbingly brain scarring thing on the planet. She turned to me and said "Easy now, fuzzy little man peach."
Its from a skit called old greg.
I'm so sorry for making those of you who watched that, watch that.
I knew that she was an awesome girl from the start. We signed up for a citywide nerf battle. I bought her nerf guns instead of flowers. It was fantastic. It didn't last.
She was trying to figure out her life and decided that I was one thing that she didn't have time for. Kinda sucked. I'll survive and move on.
I know this isn't much of a post but I've got to get back into the groove of things.
Later Days,
Hero.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Dating and Independence.
Independence. The thing I was told I needed to have as an adult. Being my own man and never really needing someone else. I've pretty much gotten there. I feel free. It's kind of nice.
The opposite of independence, as far as dating goes is codependence.
I have a friend that is remarkably codependent with his significant other. For the first year of their relationship they never left each others' side. The longest they were ever apart was the 8-12 hours he was at work. They never got sick of each other, which I find remarkable and good for him. However, he isn't the same guy he was before they started dating. Not massive changes, just subtle ones. At times I envy what he has with his girlfriend, then I snap back into my life and am really quite glad that I am as independent as I am.
Independence is great in it's own way. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. The only down side of such complete independence is that it is so goddamn lonely.
What do you do when you're lonely? You try and find someone to keep you company, you date, you have a fling, you have a one night stand, you masturbate furiously. Or you try and fill this void with pets.
Let's start with the last one. "Getting a pet." This is the usual start to the long life of being the crazy dude with 30 cats. (I have a facebook friend that just recently broke up with her boyfriend and within a month had adopted a kitten. Like clock work.) Having a pet is nice, it's no replacement for that special someone that you can unwind and then truly stave off loneliness.
"Masturbating furiously" really doesn't solve anything. It is a stop measure. The only things it really adds to your life is an embarrassing browser history and some chafing. This is not a lasting solution.
"You have a one night stand." Let's be honest here. The only time this happens is when either one or both of the participants are drunk. For me, I'm always drunk when this happens. I usually wake up with no memory of her name, or what part of town I'm in. I usually remember that the sex was sloppy, unsatisfying and altogether not really worth it. Sure they can be fun, if they weren't I wouldn't keep doing it. By noon the following day I'm usually stumbling into my apartment with a headache and an appointment for an std screening.
Next is "the fling". Flings can be just about any array of pointless coitus with someone you either know you don't have a future with or don't want one with. The perfect example of this would be what I had with the cute little redhead. Our schedules never matched up, we had nothing in common but we still managed to hang out and have some fun for a little while. There was no emotional involvement whatsoever though. Therein lies the problem. The sex, as decent as it was, never really wowed me. Mostly because we weren't emotionally invested in it. I've had enough sex in my life now to know that sex with someone you're romantically involved with is far superior to that in a fling. So even though you're getting that physical intimacy you're lacking on the emotional intimacy. Flings are great for stemming the loneliness but it never really pushes it back. In a fling you're just lonely with someone else.
Lastly the only real way to try and get rid of that loneliness is to "date". Being the independent type of individual I am, for the last seven years I've been dating "casually". I've never invested anything more than time and little bit of money into dating someone. Sure I've had some successes but looking back at the dates I've been on most of those turned into flings. I was dating someone just for the sake of dating someone. The ball was in my court though. I set the pace and even how emotionally involved we would be. I know that none of the women I've dated recently came close to what I wanted in a girlfriend. This is probably why I didn't see then what I do now.
I've been dating someone casually for a little over a month now. However, it wasn't me that set this in place. It was her. She was the one that decided she wanted to date casually. She is just as independent as me and at the time I originally thought, "This will be perfect." I was wrong. I'm used to having the reigns in the relationship and now that she has put this stipulation in place I have no idea what to do. I'm left wondering when to call, text, ask out. I mean, I like the girl and want to spend as much time with her as possible but it's her that wants to keep it casual. I don't know exactly what that means. At first I'd talk to her everyday and I'd try and make plans at least once a week. I felt like I was the only one putting in effort so recently I've stopped and figured a little bit of reciprocation would show that she is in fact a little bit interested. It hasn't gone well. The tables have been turned on me and I don't really like it.
I'd figured that casual dating was the way to go when you don't necessarily want to lose your independence. What I hadn't counted on was realizing that independence and loneliness go hand in hand. I've realized while dating someone that is just as independent as I am, that the relationship progression has stopped, and I'm still just as lonely as I was before. True codependence still scares the crap out of me but perhaps, just maybe I'm ready to give up on some of my independence and truly try and find someone to share this wonderful life with.
Later Days,
Hero.
The opposite of independence, as far as dating goes is codependence.
I have a friend that is remarkably codependent with his significant other. For the first year of their relationship they never left each others' side. The longest they were ever apart was the 8-12 hours he was at work. They never got sick of each other, which I find remarkable and good for him. However, he isn't the same guy he was before they started dating. Not massive changes, just subtle ones. At times I envy what he has with his girlfriend, then I snap back into my life and am really quite glad that I am as independent as I am.
Independence is great in it's own way. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. The only down side of such complete independence is that it is so goddamn lonely.
What do you do when you're lonely? You try and find someone to keep you company, you date, you have a fling, you have a one night stand, you masturbate furiously. Or you try and fill this void with pets.
Let's start with the last one. "Getting a pet." This is the usual start to the long life of being the crazy dude with 30 cats. (I have a facebook friend that just recently broke up with her boyfriend and within a month had adopted a kitten. Like clock work.) Having a pet is nice, it's no replacement for that special someone that you can unwind and then truly stave off loneliness.
"Masturbating furiously" really doesn't solve anything. It is a stop measure. The only things it really adds to your life is an embarrassing browser history and some chafing. This is not a lasting solution.
"You have a one night stand." Let's be honest here. The only time this happens is when either one or both of the participants are drunk. For me, I'm always drunk when this happens. I usually wake up with no memory of her name, or what part of town I'm in. I usually remember that the sex was sloppy, unsatisfying and altogether not really worth it. Sure they can be fun, if they weren't I wouldn't keep doing it. By noon the following day I'm usually stumbling into my apartment with a headache and an appointment for an std screening.
Next is "the fling". Flings can be just about any array of pointless coitus with someone you either know you don't have a future with or don't want one with. The perfect example of this would be what I had with the cute little redhead. Our schedules never matched up, we had nothing in common but we still managed to hang out and have some fun for a little while. There was no emotional involvement whatsoever though. Therein lies the problem. The sex, as decent as it was, never really wowed me. Mostly because we weren't emotionally invested in it. I've had enough sex in my life now to know that sex with someone you're romantically involved with is far superior to that in a fling. So even though you're getting that physical intimacy you're lacking on the emotional intimacy. Flings are great for stemming the loneliness but it never really pushes it back. In a fling you're just lonely with someone else.
Lastly the only real way to try and get rid of that loneliness is to "date". Being the independent type of individual I am, for the last seven years I've been dating "casually". I've never invested anything more than time and little bit of money into dating someone. Sure I've had some successes but looking back at the dates I've been on most of those turned into flings. I was dating someone just for the sake of dating someone. The ball was in my court though. I set the pace and even how emotionally involved we would be. I know that none of the women I've dated recently came close to what I wanted in a girlfriend. This is probably why I didn't see then what I do now.
I've been dating someone casually for a little over a month now. However, it wasn't me that set this in place. It was her. She was the one that decided she wanted to date casually. She is just as independent as me and at the time I originally thought, "This will be perfect." I was wrong. I'm used to having the reigns in the relationship and now that she has put this stipulation in place I have no idea what to do. I'm left wondering when to call, text, ask out. I mean, I like the girl and want to spend as much time with her as possible but it's her that wants to keep it casual. I don't know exactly what that means. At first I'd talk to her everyday and I'd try and make plans at least once a week. I felt like I was the only one putting in effort so recently I've stopped and figured a little bit of reciprocation would show that she is in fact a little bit interested. It hasn't gone well. The tables have been turned on me and I don't really like it.
I'd figured that casual dating was the way to go when you don't necessarily want to lose your independence. What I hadn't counted on was realizing that independence and loneliness go hand in hand. I've realized while dating someone that is just as independent as I am, that the relationship progression has stopped, and I'm still just as lonely as I was before. True codependence still scares the crap out of me but perhaps, just maybe I'm ready to give up on some of my independence and truly try and find someone to share this wonderful life with.
Later Days,
Hero.
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